The OD Patient
by AuntiePanda
Summary: Bella Swan has been slowly destroying herself since Edward left her, but its all about to change when she goes too far and overdoses, ending up as Carlisle's patient in the ER...
1. Admitted

**After months of writers block with this story, I decided to go back and basically rewrite it since I knew where I wanted it to go but it wasn't going that way, if that makes sense? lol Anyway, this chapter hasn't changed much, just fixed a few mistakes (if you noticed anymore please tell me) and made the story start a few months later than the original. Chapter two is where storyline changes occur. Hope you enjoy :)**

Admitted

January 2009

He was nearing the end of his shift when it happened.

"Dr Cullen," a young red haired nurse called, as she approached where he stood at the desk. He had just handed over his notes so that one of his current patients could be discharged. She was out of breath when she reached him.

"There's another overdose patient," she panted, "Sorry, but we need you."

He knew why she was apologizing, his shift was supposed to end very soon. Most doctors would have been irritated and tired this late into their shift, but he wasn't most doctors. He could work indefinitely, and if he didn't have a wife at home, he probably would have. He nodded to the nurse, and followed her direction to where the patient was being worked on. As they walked, the nurse explained the situation.

"A car just pulled up outside and dumped her here," she told him, "she's got no ID and we don't know what she's taken. Looks to be a mixture of drugs and alcohol though."

He knew what would have to be done, he'd known almost as soon as the nurse had mentioned that the patient had overdosed. They reached the patient then and he almost froze at the scent of the woman in front of him. She had lost weight, had partially dyed hair and a piercing through her nose and more than one in her ears. In the two years since they had moved from Forks, leaving her behind, she had changed herself almost beyond recognition. He would never forget her scent though, despite what his son had decided to do, she would always be a part of their family. It hurt him to see what she had reduced herself too, but his hurt fueled his actions. He had to save her.

She was partially aware of her surroundings, but unable to answer any questions that were put to her. He knew what he needed to do, but it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Gastric suction," he informed the nurse, knowing that she had probably already reached that conclusion. She nodded knowingly and directed his attention towards the equipment that had been gathered for the procedure. He got to work and was surprised when she didn't gag or react to the tub being inserted into her nose and down into her stomach. _She's had this done before,_ he thought, completely horrified at the idea of the sweet innocent girl they'd left behind inflicting this kind of misery on herself more than once.

She cringed at the sensation of her stomach contents being forcibly removed, and an almost unnoticeable tear escaped her closed lids at the pain she must have felt. He didn't like to witness it, and especially didn't like that he was the one causing her that pain, but it was in her best interest. If he didn't do this, she would likely die. He told himself this repeatedly throughout the procedure. A blond male nurse on his left set up a cannula in her hand, took bloods and administered vital pain relief. The nurse who had drawn his attention to the patient was on his right. She assisted throughout and patted his arm lightly in comfort when it was over. He must have appeared more distressed by the situation than he would have normally. There had been three overdose patients in the last fortnight, however, and he would simply claim that this was the reason for his distress, if anyone should ask.

By the time it was over, he was more than an hour over his shift. He cared very little about it, and stood beside her now sleeping form whilst he filled in the relevant paperwork required. It was past his time to leave the hospital, but it was only when another doctor pointed this out that he knew he couldn't stay any longer. If he hovered or showed too much interest in his patient, people would ask questions. It was only the knowledge that he would return before she was discharged that forced him to do what was necessary.

Once he reached the staff quarters, he was able to check his cell. What he found there was exactly what he had expected after seeing her this evening. 5 missed called with accompanying voice mail messages and 10 text messages. All of them were from his daughter, Alice. Of course, she'd been trying to warn him of what was going to happen. He was surprised that she hadn't simply called the desk. He sighed before playing the messages, balancing his phone between his shoulder and ear whilst removing the lab coat.

" _Ok, you definitely already know now,"_ His daughters most recent recorded voice told him, this tone of voice was almost calm, _"but I'll just tell you she's going to be fine, and she'll still be there tomorrow morning."_

" _I tried calling the desk, but they said I'd just missed you. I'm guessing you probably know now."_

As the messages grew older, Alice's voice grew more panicked and desperate to reach him.

" _Honestly, why do you even have a phone?!"_

" _Carlisle, I really need you to call me please!"_

" _I just saw something, Carlisle,"_ the first message stated, her panicked state obvious through the speaker _, "please call me as soon as!"_

Alice had definitely seen the events that had transpired during his shift and she had clearly tried to prepare him for the task he'd had to carry out. It didn't really matter that she hadn't succeeded, he had done his job and she was stable now. He thought over the events that had occurred as he changed and readied himself to leave. The sooner he got home, the sooner he would be able to discuss what had happened with his family, assuming Alice hadn't already told them, and see what else she knew regarding the situation.

As he headed towards the exit, he made sure to stop by her bed. She lay relatively peacefully after the trauma. All he could think as he looked down at her was that this was their fault. They had left her and had allowed this to happen by doing so. He should never have allowed his son to convince him that this was for the best, since clearly, the outcome had been far from good. He checked her chart and vitals once, before accepting that he couldn't linger any longer. _She'll still be there tomorrow,_ Alice's word ran through his mind then and allowed him to leave.

Before he knew it, he was inside his Mercedes and heading towards home at an acceptable speed. The family, minus one, were gathered inside the lounge awaiting his return. He pulled into the garage and then swiftly made his way to join them.

"I tried calling you," Alice said before he could speak.

He smiled and replied, "I know, and I am sorry I couldn't answer. Have you informed everybody of what you saw?"

She nodded briskly, "I figured we'd all need to talk about this. We can't let her do this to herself anymore."

"That is certainly true," he told her, "have you contacted him?"

"Not yet," she admitted, "I figured we'd need a plan first."

Carlisle nodded, understanding her reasoning. His son was sure to breakdown when he found out so it would be necessary to keep the truth from him until they had decided what was best for her.

"Is she ok, Carlisle?" His wife's concerned voice reached him then. She was distressed and he went to her then. He hated to see her so sullen and upset. She gladly accepted when he offered her his comfort.

"She will be fine, Esme." He told her simply, he would do everything in his power to make sure that Bella would get through this. He had too, for his family and especially for his son. Edward had made many mistakes concerning Bella, but Carlisle would do all he could to help them both now.

"What did you have in mind, Alice?" he asked his daughter whilst still hugging his wife close to him. Something had to be done and they had to think fast since Bella was likely to be discharge in the morning, though thankfully not before his next shift started.

Alice closed her eyes and looked into the future. It was easier to search for the outcome as opposed to actually going through the motions of making up a plan of action. She saw it then, Emmett lying to the receptionist. Producing a fake ID for Bella, his sister, and explaining that he had come to collect her after being told by a friend where to find her. At first, Alice didn't understand why Emmett was the one intervening until she looked over at him and she realized.

"You're the only one they haven't met," she spoke directing her words to him.

"Come again," he asked, confused by Alice's statement.

She explained what she had seen and Emmett began to understand. They would have to wait until morning to carry out their plan, but they would not be idle and when the morning came, they would be ready. After two years, Bella Swan was going to re-join their family, whether she wanted too or not.


	2. Time Heals Nothing

**This chapter will start the same as it did before, so bare with it, I'm sure all those who read it previously will notice the change pretty quickly. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy :) To the guest reviewer: Yes this story has been posted before, sorry that you read it before the update had been uploaded. Thanks!  
**

Time Heals Nothing

Every part of her hurt, her body ached and cried out in pain as she woke that morning. Heavy eyes lids, a raw throat and a sensitive stomach brought with them understanding of what she'd done last night whilst the whirling and beeping of the machines that surrounded her caused her to realize where she was.

"Fuck," she breathed out in a whisper. Being back in the ER was not her preferred place to be, especially when she was no longer insured. She began to panic then, another medical bill would clear out the rest of her inheritance and she'd have no more money to get her next fix. She didn't know when she had reached this stage in her life. She was unsure of how she'd allowed her pursuit of reckless behaviour to go this far. She sighed at the thought of her life, and ran a hang through her hair in an attempt to detangle with the strands with her fingers alone. An obviously unsuccessful venture, until she could shower and change, she was destined to resemble the homeless junkie that she was. She was appalled at what she had become, but she simply couldn't stop herself anymore.

The sink of vomit and bile reached her nostrils then and made her want to retch. Little tremors of need began as she pulled herself into a sitting position. Her hands usually trembled whenever she craved a fix, and with her stomach contents removed and her blood stream now free of containment, she would need a fix soon. Right now, she craved whiskey and a cigarette. Not the worst of her favoured poisons, but cheaper and easier to get a hold of. As soon as she was freed from this prison, she would stop by the store and get a bottle. Thankfully, she already had half a packet of cigarettes in her bag. As she thought on cigarettes, a nurse wandered over to her bed.

"Good morning," a blond male nurse spoke to her, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she lied, refusing to meet his gaze fully, "when can I go?"

The nurse sighed at her dismissive attitude. She was used to this reaction, she'd received a similar response last time. Care professionals often sighed in disappointment at her, most of her 'friends' received the same treatment. After all, you couldn't help someone who didn't want to be helped.

"Soon," he replied, "you're brother just arrived to collect you. We'll discharge you into his care as soon as we are satisfied that you are ready to leave."

"Brother?" she questioned, brows knitted together in confusion, "I don't have a brother."

"He said you might say that, Miss McCarthy, but he's here and he just wants to help. He's even settled you're bill for you."

Bella wanted to protest further, but at the mention of a paid bill she clamped her mouth firmly shut. Maybe, if she played along with their mistake long enough, she'd be out the door before they realised the mistaken identity and charged her anew.

"Ok, I understand," she said simply, doing her very best to appear guilty, it had to appear as if her previous comment had been a lie. "I just want to get out of here."

"I can understand that," the nurse replied with a sympathetic edge to his tone, "well, like I said, as soon as you're ready to go, you'll be discharged. The doctor will be round shortly, but in the meantime, I'll tell your brother you're awake."

 _Ok maybe I won't get away with this,_ she thought towards her lie as the nurse left her bed side. If he brought her 'brother' onto the ward then she would be caught out instantly. She could picture it already... a young man being directed towards his 'sister' and immediately declaring that there had been some mistake. It would be rather funny to witness as the nurse realised he'd made a mistake, but it would also be embarrassing and then she'd be landed with the bill! She tried not to think on it too much. The doctor would be round shortly, and then she'd be free of this retched place. She spotted the cannula in her hand then and began to feel queasy. Blood had congealed around the port, just the sight of it was enough to make her feel faint. She had to look away and instead focused on taking a note of her surroundings. The ward she was on currently housed herself and another five patients; they were all women of varying ages. One of the older women looked over at her in obvious disapproval and Bella realised that, most of the people here probably knew exactly what she'd been admitted for, their sleep had probably been disturbed by her arrival. She was more than a little tempted to raise her middle finger, but the lack of alcohol in her system prevented her from acting on the impulse.

Her mind drifted to alcohol then, she really craved whiskey above all others, but she'd settled for whatever she could get her hands on once she was released. It was as she was making a mental plan that the doctor entered the ward, she didn't notice his arrival until he spoke.

"You gave us all quite a scare last night."

Her body felt like it had been doused in ice water at the sound of the doctor's voice. Her breathing swallowed, but her heart rate sped up. She hadn't heard that voice since her 18th birthday. Her eyes lifted to meet the gaze of Carlisle Cullen. She felt sick and she could barely breathe. Her voice was absent as she stared up at her past in abject horror.

"How are you feeling?"

 _A question, shit_! She thought, fighting for control over her voice box. She needed to reply, needed to say something, but nothing happened when she tried. He seemed to notice her discomfort and something akin to guilt clouded his expression at the sight of it.

"I suppose, your throat is a little sore?" he asked then, allowing her a reason to not reply. Thankfully, the nurse she had spoken to a few minutes ago was absent and she could simply nod in reply as opposed to speaking. The nod was forced and still a little difficult to carry out but she managed it.

"I'll get one of the nurses to bring you some water," he said simply, before moving away.

Panic set in then. If Carlisle was here then so was _he!_ She needed to get away, needed to run as far away from here as possible. _He_ couldn't see her this way! She couldn't allow him to see what she'd been reduced too. Her bag was within reach and she was only connected to couple of machines. She scanned the area around her, three nurses and the doctor that had caused her distress stood within a foot of the entrance to the ward. If she was quick, she might just be able to get away. It was unlikely, but in her state of mind she had to try. Just as she thought up a plan, she noticed Carlisle checking his cell phone and looking in her direction. _Alice!_ She thought bitterly, as her plan was foiled before she could even move an inch towards escape.

She was close to hyperventilating when the nurse came over to her bed side and offered her a little plastic cup of water. She took what the nurse offered and sipped at the cup, it wasn't whiskey but it helped calm her nerves just to have something to do with her hands and mouth. The cup was almost empty when the doctor from her past appeared in front of her bed once again, this time he was not accompanied by nurses, but by the man who she guessed had claimed to be her brother, Emmett. She rolled her eyes at the sight of them both. Her anger and irritation was already building at her situation.

"He's not my brother," she said the moment they had approached, her irritation seeping into her tone.

"Your words, Bells," Emmett replied, "They hurt me."

She could tell almost instantly that he was trying to be funny. She was so not in the mood for funny. Coming down off the bliss of a high to find herself in a hospital (very much not her favourite place) and face to face with Cullen's (very much not her favourite people) did not result in the ability to tolerate humour.

"And you haven't hurt me?" she muttered bitterly, moving her gaze to face away from their stares. She had wanted her words to inflict hurt but she didn't have the courage to face it. When no reply came, she was tempted to look up. The sound of the curtains closing around her bed caused that temptation to be successful. She looked back up to find only Carlisle remained, she had almost forgotten how quiet they could move and how they conversed at a level too low for her to hear it. Carlisle met her gaze then and moved to sit in the chair opposite her, placing her small rucksack on the floor to do so. She was glad her bag had made it here with her since it contained pretty much everything she owned.

"I know that we caused you immeasurable hurt by leaving, but we did so because my son convinced us it was in your best interest to do so," Carlisle explained simply. As if everything they did to her would ever been that simple.

"My best interest?" she spat, her anger building at his comment, "that worked out so well didn't it."

The doctor visibly flinched at her reply, but quickly regained composure.

"I understand with hind sight that we were very wrong about that," Carlisle replied, keeping his voice calm and level. Seeing his third daughter in this fragile condition made him want to inflict pain on his son for all he'd done, but he could never do that to Edward.

"It would probably be best if you spoke to Edward about it," he continued, until the machine monitoring her heart rate and vitals began to spike at the mention of his eldest son.

The panicked look in her eyes was accompanied by an accelerated heart rate and decreased oxygen levels. He didn't need to be a doctor to understand what was happening to her as she pulled her knees up to chest and began to hyperventilate. She was having a panic attack at the mere mention of his son. His guilt was all consuming, but he did his best to support her through as a nurse pulled back the curtain to make sure all was ok. Carlisle looked toward the nurse, and requested she find Bella's brother. The woman nodded and vacated as quickly as she'd appeared.

All the hurt she had housed within her for the last two and bit years was making itself known to her then in that moment. Most people that she spent time with either didn't know _him_ or they knew not to the mention _him._ She hadn't experienced a panic attack this bad in over 18 months, but then she hadn't been entirely sober during that time either. It took over her whole body, she could barely breathe, barely think. She felt cold hands on her forearms that were wrapped tight around her calves, but in that moment she couldn't react. She vaguely registered voices discussing her and the feel of icy fingers encasing her hand.

"It's just a light sedative," Carlisle explained, not realizing she was mentally out of his reach in that moment.

Before she could move to stop it, she realised what her doctor was doing. The liquid spread through the back of her hand and was quickly absorbed into her blood. She was grateful for the drug induced haze, she always was. Her arms relaxed around her and she found herself growing light. Such a blissful feeling. It was this feeling of freedom that she sought out with drugs and drink. Medically induced was almost better, she thought as she looked over at Carlisle. She realised she was smiling like an idiot, but did nothing to stop it. There was a reason she wasn't supposed to be happy, she knew that, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything in that moment.

"Thank you," she spoke then, her voice slurring just a little, "You're so kind."

"You are more than welcome, Bella," he told her, his features clouded with an emotion she couldn't recognise in her state of mind. He turned then as Emmett reappeared in front of her. She knew this wasn't a good thing somehow, but the drugs he'd given her were really good. The more time that passed the more drunk she felt. She was even swaying slightly, as the two men conversed. She couldn't make out exactly what they were saying at first till the volume of their voices raised deliberately.

"I've given her just a light sedative, she might fall asleep in the next couple of hours, but it should have worn off by the time she wakes."

She frowned slightly at their words, she didn't understand why they were talking as if they didn't know each other. Everything that was happening was entirely too confusing.

"I'm going to discharge you now, Bella," Carlisle spoke to her this time, "You're going to go home with your brother."

"I don't have a brother," she replied then, the haze of the drug making her question her own words. Did she have a brother? She couldn't remember that happening. She had a sister, she remembered that, but then it was recent in her memories. The half-sister that she wasn't allowed to see after her mom had found that small bag of coke in her coat pocket. She really wanted some coke, and whiskey, and a cigarette. Her mind branched off in the direction of the substances she craved. Distracted from the thoughts of her family once again, just the way she liked it.

Emmett looked directly at her as he spoke, "Yes, you do."

She half smiled at his comment. She didn't remember in that moment why she shouldn't be smiling. This sedative was something wonderful, she thanked Carlisle again then.

"Again, you're welcome, Bella," he replied, feeling a little sick with guilt at what he'd done to her. He'd medically induced her compliance for what was about to happen and he felt terrible. _They only wanted to help her_ , he reasoned with himself, _they owed her that much_.

"Can I go now?" she questioned him once again, her eyes appearing heavy in her sockets.

"Of course," he told her, "Your brother will take you home very soon."

"Okay," she answered, with a slight smile.

She wasn't entirely aware of everything that happened in the next few minutes. She watched as Emmett signed some forms and discussed her recovery with Carlisle, like they weren't going to see each other later. It was very confusing to see their exchange, but she didn't make a watched curiously as Emmett's eyes darkened a shade as Carlisle removed all the wires and the cannula from her hand.

"You ready to go?" Emmett asked her then, his voice slightly strained. She nodded in way of reply.

He held out his hand and she frowned at it. She knew she shouldn't accept his help, she knew it, but after a moment of confused deliberation, she did it anyway. With his help, they made their way out of the hospital and into the car park. She vaguely recognised the jeep as they approached. Once again her mind raised the alarm but it was muffled and she was unable to really register why she should be concerned. Emmett helped her into the passenger seat and clicked the seat belt across her chest. She felt her body slump slightly into the seat. She wanted to right herself but lacked the ability to do so. Her mind lacked complete control over all her body was doing. It was a disconcerting yet wonderfully familiar feeling.

Emmett hooped up into the driver's side then, and within mere seconds they were heading away from the hospital. She knew this was not a good thing, but she couldn't understand why. Her mind became distracted by the city merging into wilderness, buildings morphing into trees. She wasn't aware of how long they'd been driving when they pulled into a driveway. The house at the end of the lane was stunning. It appeared both old and new all at the same time. It looked centuries old, but with modern assets.

As the jeep came to a halt a short distance from the front porch, a new figure emerged in her line of sight. Esme was exactly as Bella remembered. Despite her minds attempt at protest, she smiled at the sight of her. The other woman approached the passenger door and opened it. She reached up and helped Bella down from her seat.

"It's so wonderful to see you again," she told her, her words happy but her smile sad.

"Is it?" Bella questioned then, unsure why she did.

"Of course," the older woman replied, her smile brightening just a little, "now you need food, a bath and a change of clothes."

Bella wanted to protest at being told what she needed. What she needed was… she couldn't think. Her protests died in her throat and she nodded slowly. She was lead into the house and very swiftly offered food. It had been days since she'd eaten, something she remembered once the bowl of cereal was placed in front of her. The contents of the bowl disappeared within a couple of minutes, and she received a smile from Esme in return for the empty bowl. Once she had eaten, she was offered a bath and even the idea made her face brighten. She hadn't bathed in over a fortnight, and she was very much aware of how she must have smelled.

The transition between the kitchen and the bathroom occurred too quickly for her to full comprehend what was happening. She had moved from the sitting at the kitchen counter to sitting on the toilet lid watching the bath fill. She was aware of Esme's presence during the whole process. It was strange not to feel comforted by the other woman's presence, but she couldn't fully grasp at why she didn't.

"I'm going to have to stay in the room," Esme explained once the bath was adequately filled, "I am sorry, but with the sedative Carlisle gave you, it wouldn't be safe to leave you. Do you understand?"

Bella nodded once, she didn't fully understand but it was easier to just nod. She should have cared more about this, but she didn't in that moment. Esme turned away as Bella removed her heavily dirtied clothes and sank into the hot water with a sigh. She pulled her knees up to her chest once submerged, just seconds before Esme turned around and crossed the room to fetch various soaps and products. As she knelt down beside the bath and offered a bottle of shower gel and a wash cloth out to Bella. She took it and washed as best she could. Accepting Esme's help to scrub and rinse her hair. It had been a while since she'd felt this clean, it was a comforting feeling.

Esme left her side to fetch a towel, but was back before Bella could attempt to stand alone. With Esme's assistance she rose and was engulfed into the large luxuriously soft towel. It was as she was drying herself that she heard a small intake of breathe, she turned to Esme and frowned.

"That's an interesting tattoo," Esme spoke then, her face regaining composure after the shock of seeing the tattoo on the back of Bella's thigh. Green leaves and red roses surrounded the phrase ' _Time Heals Nothing'._ Esme was certain that those words would stick with her for a while to come. She swallowed back the feeling that those words brought forth and returned her focus to Bella, with the thought in mind that her and her family could prove those words wrong.

"Is it?" Bella questioned then, she vaguely remembered her tattoo.

"Never mind that now," Esme told her gently, "let's get you to bed. I'm sure you're very tired."

Bella nodded at Esme's words, and followed the older woman into the next room. It was bedroom with little furniture, in fact it appeared to have been stripped clean leaving only an inviting double bed in the center. Bella dried herself and redressed in the clean cream tee and navy leggings Esme offered her. They were slightly big for her but comfortable all the same. Esme sat her down on the bed and disappeared from her view for a moment, before returning with a hairbrush and bands. Bella had become so tired and so utterly compliant that she didn't even wait for Esme to ask, she just simply nodded at the suggestion. With each stroke of the brush, her tangles acquired from sleeping rough began to disappear. Soon after she felt Esme's gentle hands manipulating her damp hair into a braid. Once done, Esme pulled back the covers and assisted her into bed. Bella was sleeping soundly within minutes of her head touching the pillow, despite the nagging thought in the back of her mind telling her to do anything but.


	3. How to Save a Life

**Hi guys, sorry for taking so long to update. I'm in the final semester of my undergrad and the work load is intense, but I'll be finished in less than 3 weeks and I really do want to finish this story as ideas for it are constantly on my mind. Hope you like the new version of Chapter 3. Thanks!**

 **Song mentioned in this chapter is How to Save a Life - The Fray.**

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How to Save a Life

When she awoke, the sky had grown dark and made her surroundings almost indecipherable. The first thing she noticed was a heavy weight pressing down on her. At noticing the comforter across her body, she swiftly moved to detangle herself from it. She was instantly on edge as snippets of memory flooded back to her. She remembered very little of what had occurred prior to her panic attack, but she was creative and she could guess at it. She was deliberately slow as she moved out from beneath the covers. Once she stood beside the bed, she noticed that not only was she in an unfamiliar place, but she was clean, the smell of perfumed soap clinging to her skin, her hair was also braided and damp at the ends. She was also dressed in clothes she definitely didn't own.

Bella forced her breathing to remain calm despite the fact that internally she was screaming out her rage at everything that had occurred without her full consent. They had no right to help her in anyway, she didn't need or want their help. She took stock of the room as she stood, it was almost bare and a feeling of déjà vu surfaced. It was obvious she'd already assessed her surrounds, but had forgotten that she had done so. She was familiar with feeling this way, she had spent the better part of the last 10 months experiencing these feelings.

Her bare feet allowed the cold to spread through her as she headed toward the only exit within her line of sight. She fully expected the door to be locked as her shaking hands encased the handle. To her surprise, it swung open with little effort and she stepped out onto a landing. Light was coming from the other end of the hall. Despite her nerves, she moved toward the sight and as she got nearer the sound of voices reached her ears.

The voices were deliberately lower, but she caught enough words to know the voices discussed her. One voice hushed all the others and she knew then that they'd realised she'd moved. Her deliberately slow movements had got her this far undetected and she felt rather proud of that for a moment, before her heart sank. They knew she was coming, meaning she wouldn't able to get away from them. All she wanted was to distance herself from the Cullen's before they could inflict anymore hurt onto her. After all that had occurred in her life recently, she wasn't sure she could handle the blow. She paused where she stood, debating internally what to do next. Deep down, she recognised very little choice in regards to facing them, but if she was going to face them, the very least she would need was a cigarette. She hadn't drank or smoked since the previous night and her hands were shaking with want of those things, amongst others. She hadn't noticed her bag in the bedroom so it made sense that it would be where the Cullen's were. Despite her worries, she pulled herself up to full height and walked confidently towards where they waited.

Within only a few strides, she rounded the corner to find a spiral staircase. She hesitated at the top taking deep breaths to remain calm. Once she had descended the stairs, she found herself facing her past. They were all there, minus one. Alice sat in an armchair, her legs curled beneath her with Jasper perched on the arm. Carlisle was standing alongside Emmett, while Rosalie and Esme sat on a two seater across from her. They all turned their attention onto her and as they did, she became very glad to find him absent, she wasn't sure that her confidence would have lasted if he had been.

"How are you feeling darling?" Esme's sweet voice greeted her, the moment she had entered the room.

Bella scoffed at the term of endearment, before replying sharply.

"Like I've been drugged and kidnapped, you?"

Esme flinched noticeably and didn't speak again. In fact, they were all eerily quiet as she scanned the room until she found it. Her bag was sitting in an empty armchair, the twin of Alice's. She crossed the space and took her bag into her hands. After a moment of rummaging, she pulled out her packet of cigarettes and lighter. She didn't ask their permission if it was ok to smoke in their house, in truth she didn't give a shit if they cared. They'd brought her here, they'd made her who she was today.

Her hands shook noticeably as she placed the cigarette between her lips and lit up. The nicotine's effect on her blood eased the tension from her body. She sighed deeply at the feeling, it was such a pleasurable feeling after so many hours without it. The nicotine seeped into her blood stream and spread through her with each drag, enabling her to cope with the situation so much better than she could have without it. After a few moments, she looked over at the Cullen's to realise, they were looking at her as if what she was doing wasn't something completely ordinary.

"What?" she questioned, growing irritated by their stares, "I'm pretty sure most of you have had a cigarette at some stage in your life."

She knew that at least three of them had been young adults in the 1930's. Surely, they'd smoked at some point in their life time. Doctors even prescribed cigarettes back then. She really couldn't understand why her smoking brought about such reactions of surprise. Then she realised, they'd never seen her smoke before.

"I started about 8 months after you left," she explained then, smiling sarcastically, "helps with the stress that living brings."

"I'm sure it does," Esme spoke then, her words an obvious attempt to defuse the mounting tension within the room, "my doctor gave them to me when I was younger to help with stress. That was before they knew it could kill you though."

"Here's hoping," Bella replied, taking a long drag on her cigarette to emphasis her words. She knew her words were inflicting all kinds of hurt onto the other people around her, but she couldn't bring herself to care. After all the hurt she'd experienced in the last two years, _him_ leaving, them leaving, and everything with Jake and her parents, she was becoming rather numb to the idea of pain. Drugs, drink and cigarettes guaranteed that much.

"So, why am I here?" She asked, once she realised that they weren't going to explain their actions without her prodding them to do so. They were silent for a few minutes longer than Bella could tolerate.

"Seriously?" she questioned, "you drug me and bring me here against my will, and all I get is silence?!"

"Of course not," was the only reply she received. Alice looked at her with such sadness in her eyes that Bella almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

"Oh hey bestie!" she exclaimed, feigning delight. Of all of them leaving, Alice's abandonment had hurt the most. Boyfriends leave all the time, best friends were supposed to stay with you for life. It didn't matter, she had new friends now, even if she couldn't see them anymore.

Alice ignored the comment intentionally aimed at hurting her and rose from where she sat. Jasper stood too, taking a protective stance beside Alice. Bella sniggered at the sight.

"What are you worried about? It's not like I'm going to try and eat her."

Jasper's guilt manifested visibly and she instantly regretted her words. She frowned at him and her expression softened.

"I'm sorry that was unkind even by my standards," she told him in way of apology.

Jasper nodded once, but didn't speak up. It made her almost regret her apology. She just wanted them to talk. To explain what she was doing here and why they thought it was acceptable to force her here against her will. It appeared that Alice knew exactly what she wanted from them as she was offered it only moments after thinking it.

"I'm sorry we brought you here," Alice explained then, taking steps away from Jasper and towards Bella. The room wasn't as large as their old lounge and her old friend reached her in just a few strides.

"Come upstairs and I'll explain everything," Alice offered, smiling sadly.

Bella's eyes narrowed in suspicion, she wasn't that naïve.

"No," she replied, staring down at the smaller woman, "You can explain here, now."

Alice looked dejected as if she hadn't seen that reply coming. She turned back to the others assembled behind her and must have whispered something below Bella's hearing since they began to vacate within moments of Alice turning back to face Bella. Once the family had dispersed, Alice led her over to the couch that Esme and Rosalie had just vacated. Alice sat, but Bella's suspicions didn't dissipate. Her trust had been severely shattered in the last couple of years, mainly down to her recent relationship. It was difficult to trust any gesture, any offer of kindness. She hovered by the side of the couch until Alice prompted her to sit.

"It's just a couch, Bella."

Bella sat after a moment, before taking a final drag of her cigarette and stubbing it out onto a coaster that was placed in perfect decorative order on the small coffee table within reach of her. Her deliberately destructive action made Alice frown. This wasn't the girl she remembered. The Bella she'd known was kind and respectful, but at the same time, she couldn't blame her for her actions.

"I am sorry that we brought you here," she said again, hoping to emphasis her apology. She was sorry that they'd brought Bella here against her will, but they just wanted to help her. They needed to help her, needed to fix what they had so carelessly broken.

"You said that," Bella commented, "explanation as to why is still required."

"We just want to help," was Alice's reply.

"You just want to help?" Bella repeated her expression portraying her feeling towards their help. She didn't need it or want it. The only thing she needed was to get away from them and get back to her life. She just wanted to be numb. She couldn't let them help her as their idea of help would take away the things she craved most in the world.

"I don't want your help," She told her, "I'm fine as I am."

"You're not fine, Bella," Alice quickly replied. She reached across the short distance between them in an attempt to offer her old friend some form of comfort. But before her finger tips could even skim her friend's hand, Bella had moved. She was up off the sofa and distancing herself as quickly as was possible for her. Alice knew not to touch her, she'd seen this reaction coming but hadn't been able to stop herself. Bella was just so broken, and all she wanted to do was make it all better.

"I will be, just as soon as I get out of here," Bella told her, beginning to pace. She could feel her hands trembling and tiny beads of sweat beginning to form across her brow. She'd never gone this long without some form of alcohol. The drugs Carlisle had given her earlier in the day had felt wonderful at the time, but they weren't what she was used too and her body was starting to hurt with the want of a fix.

"And the moment you leave here," Alice began, "You'll get high or drunk or both, right?"

Her expression was filled with sadness and disbelief. Bella looked anywhere but at Alice then. She couldn't handle the emotions she saw etched on her old friends face.

"So what if I do?" Bella retorted then, her irritation clear, "It's not like any of you care about what I do to myself, so don't pretend you give a shit because you feel guilty!"

Alice flinched and after a few seconds spoke, her voice full of emotion, "Of course we feel guilty, Bella, but that's not why we want to help you. We care about you a lot, you are my friend, my sis-"

Bella's laughter cut through Alice like a knife.

"Really? You're my friend?" She questioned, offended at the suggestion.

"OF course, Bella." Alice replied, preparing herself for the abuse she knew was coming her way.

"Where were you then?" Bella asked, "Where were you? Where have been for the last two years?!"

Alice sat stunned for a minute. Her silence causing Bella to answer her own question.

"You left me Alice, you and your family left me behind," she said, "so you don't get to act like you all care so much for my wellbeing."

The tears in her friends eyes brought about her friends reply, "we didn't chose to leave you, Edward thought – "

She instantly regretted the slip as she watched her friend fight herself internally, her hands shook and her heart-rate and breathing became erratic. The moment her brother's name had escaped her she knew this would happen but, of course, it had not been her intention.

"Carlisle," she called as she hurried to Bella. She had collapsed against the opposite armchair, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head bowed as she fought with herself for control over the panic attack.

Two panic attacks in the space of 24 hours was not a pleasant experience. Bella knew they would descend and witness her weakness first hand now. Getting control over her anxiety was something she had never really mastered, she had simply masked it with drugs and alcohol. She regretted taking the easy way out now. She felt cold hands against her knee caps and forced in deep lungfuls of air. It was tainted with the scent of them being so close. A scent so painfully familiar to _his_ that it only aggravated her anxious state further. She kept her eyes firmly shut and fought against her panic.

It took a few tense minutes before she had successfully weathered the storm. Her eyes felt heavy and her hands were still shaking. However, that could have been a result of the beginnings of withdrawal as opposed to anxiety. She had presumed that she would be greeted by them all when she came through but she was wrong. Carlisle couched a few feet from her, studying her with a doctor's expression. She rolled her eyes at his expression but, she was incredibly grateful that he was alone. She couldn't handle Alice right now, or the rest of them. She just wanted to run, despite the fact that her legs would never have cooperated to that notion.

"Feeling better?" he questioned, continuing his study of her.

"Of course not," she replied, "I'm still here."

Carlisle nodded at her words, "and you believe leaving to obtain substances will make you feel better?"

She frowned, and replied, "duh."

Carlisle shook his head in disapproval before speaking. His words confused her and she didn't know how to process the sudden change in his attitude.

"Well if you truly believe that, you should be on your way."

"What?"

Carlisle rose as she frowned up at him. Were they just going to let her go that easily?

"I would prefer it, if you would stay just one more night though," he stated, "Esme has your clothes in the wash as we speak, you can have a meal and a good night's sleep, and then we can part ways knowing we have done all we can for you. Naturally, we won't interfere in your life again."

"And if I should leave now?" her eyes narrowed and she questioned, "will you follow me?"

"Of course," he replied as if this was obvious.

"But if I stay, one night, you'll let me leave? You won't try to stop me? Or follow me?"

Carlisle nodded simply, "that is correct."

She sighed and thought it over a few times. Both options had drawbacks, but staying was clearly the better of the two options, she decided. She remembered she had an mp3 player in her bag and a half full packet of cigarettes. She could survive a few more hours, and just ignore them all if it meant freedom from them for the rest of her life.

"Fine, I'll stay," she said unexpectedly. She reached behind her and grabbed her bag, from it she pulled her mp3 players and stuck the earbuds in, "but that doesn't mean I have to talk to you."

The smile on Carlisle's face was short-lived as Bella hit play and her music removed any opportunity for further conversation. He took her actions in the way she wished and left her to her own devices. He re-entered the kitchen where his family awaited him. They looked towards him expectantly, aware of his conversation with Bella and her last statement. He could hear her music as clearly from here as he could from beside her and he was aware that his family could too.

"She's going to stay then?" Esme questioned as he appeared in the kitchen.

He nodded, feeling guilt settle in his stomach. He had deceived her most terribly, but it was for her own benefit. Alice's eyes clouded over as the vision of what the next day would bring became known to her as well. Carlisle didn't need physic abilities, he had the medical knowledge to know what Alice saw.

"You lied to her," she stated quietly, as the vision left her.

"I did not lie, Alice, I agreed that she could leave," he explained, "I just did not explain to her that her withdrawal will make leaving very difficult for her. She needs help whether she will admit to it, or otherwise."

He hoped his family would understand why he had deceived her. They had caused Bella to become who she was and it was up to them to right that wrong. She would receive their help whether she wished for it or not and now all they had to do was ensure that she kept to her word and stayed one more night.

"She'll never forgive you," Alice spoke then, "you know that?"

Carlisle nodded and replied, "Better that than allow her to continue as she is."

Alice nodded once, and accepted Carlisle's decision. She did not agree with deceiving her old friend but if it meant that they could help then she could accept it. As she thought on their discussion, the final lyrics of Bella's music caught her attention.

 _Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend,  
Somewhere along in the bitterness,  
And I would have stayed up with you all night,  
Had I known how to save a life. _

It seemed no one but herself had heard it or bothered to listen, but those words cut through her deeply. She left her friend to deal with everything alone and the result was devastating, and now she would do whatever it took to save Bella from herself, even if it meant losing her trust forever. She felt Jasper's hand reach for hers and she looked up at him.

"I'm ok," she told him quietly, smiling slightly, "she'll be fine, I just know it."

He smiled gently back at her, he wasn't quite as certain but he would not dampen his wife's hope with his skepticism. They would just have to wait and see, and he hoped against hope that he would be proven wrong in this instant. He hoped that Bella would recover and be able to live happily again, but he knew first-hand the struggle she would go through. As if she could almost sense the direction of his thoughts, Alice wrapped her arms around him then and he returned the gesture, taking comfort from her proximity. He battled with himself every day in the hope of abstaining from the forbidden. He just hoped that Bella was stronger than he.


	4. Hurt, Pain and Tears

**Hi guys, you have all waited along time for a chapter 4 for this story which is why I'm updating two days in a row! Chapter 5 is well underway and I hope to update around this time next week. If it is late, bare with me as I only have a couple weeks left of my BA so its stressful right now. This story will not be forgotten though :)**

 **You may notice that most songs mentioned in this are older songs, that's because the story is set in 2009 so all the songs are from then and earlier. Its very nostalgic for me, so I hope it is for you guys too :) Also Rose might seem a bit bad tempered in this chapter, and since I hate those stereotypes of the Cullen's so she wont always be this way, I promise. Anyway, enjoy :)  
**

 **Songs in this chapter:**

 **I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys.**

 **Hurt - Christina Aguilera  
**

* * *

Hurt, Pain and Tears.

 _Stop making the eyes at me,  
I'll stop making my eyes at you.  
What it is that surprises me is that I don't really want you to,_

Bella's music was all the noise she made for hours. She had disappeared upstairs not long after her conversation with Carlisle and had gone into the bedroom that she'd previously slept in. She hadn't come out since. All she had done was listen to music and smoke every hour or so. It was incredibly frustrating that her old friend was this close and yet so distant from them all. She had stuck to her word and had refused to speak to any of them. Alice was growing increasingly irritated by her friend's avoidance of them as the day dragged on so when the phone rang she was actually surprised, she had been so focused on Bella that she had not seen it coming. She heard the conversation from where she sat as her sister answered the call.

"Hello," Rose said simply,

"Hi Rose," Her brother spoke then, "I'm just checking in."

Alice could hear the slight irritation in her brother's voice from here. His tone was always similar when he forced himself to surface just long enough to make the obligatory phone call. The sound of Edward's irritation sparked Rose's own.

"It's good to hear from you too," Rose replied, sarcasm thick in her voice.

"Sure it is," he said back, "just tell Esme I called, ok?"

"What that's it?" Rose commented on his dismissal, "We have to clean up your mess and all we get is a 10 second phone call."

Edward fell silent for a moment and Alice cringed at her sister's indelicate way of handling this situation. She rose from her perch and headed to where her sister stood, the landline phone pressed to her ear. Alice was quickly followed by Carlisle and Esme. It was clear that Rose's words had caused them concern too.

"Rose let me talk to him," Alice requested, holding out her hand for the phone. Rose rolled her eyes and pushed the handset into Alice's outstretched palm. She was irritated, but Alice knew she cared more than she let on. Esme quickly diverted Rose's attention to the kitchen, requesting help she didn't need.

Alice stood beside Carlisle as she spoke to her brother.

"Edward, its Alice," she began, "are you still there?"

"Yeah," he spoke quietly, "what's happened, Alice? Is it- Is it Bella?"

Alice took a moment to collect her thoughts before replying, "Yes, she's here. She's not ok, but we hope she will be soon."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he questioned, she could hear the anxiety building up in his tone and knew that she wasn't the right person to explain this. Her own emotions were running too high. She looked towards Carlisle and with his nod, she said, "Carlisle's here, he can explain better than I can."

As she walked away she heard Carlisle's explanation and the resulting crash and shatter of whatever was in Edward's proximity. She flinched at the sounds, her brother had not taken this well, but he would return soon. He wasn't more than a few hours away, he assured Carlisle of that as he sore to return as quickly as he could. The pain her brother's voice as he spoke to Carlisle confirmed everything she already knew. Despite everything that had happened between them, Edward still loved Bella with every fibre of his being. All Alice hoped for then was that Bella could handle seeing him again in time since she really didn't think that he would be able to keep himself away from her. After all, only the sound of his name caused her such pain. She didn't care to think about how Bella would reaction to the sound of his voice or to the sight of him.

Alice looked up at the ceiling at the thought of her old friend. The knowledge that her old friend was well within reach of her made her crave her company. She wanted to talk to her and apologise repeatedly until she was forgiven, but forgiveness didn't work that way. She knew that. However, she found herself heading in the direction of Bella's room before she could stop herself. The music masked her knock and Bella jumped from where she sat in the little window box as the door opened. Before Alice could address her, Bella had pulled one earbud out and spoke.

"Yes?" she asked at the sight of Alice in the doorway. She had agreed to stay, not agreed to chat but she had assumed that this would happen sooner or later.

"Just wanted to see how you are," Alice stated, watching her friend's fingers tremble slightly as she gripped her mp3 player. Bella rolled her eyes at the statement.

"I'm fine." She said simply, before shoving her earbuds back into her ears and blocking out the world once again. Alice lingered for a few more minutes before admitting defeat and exiting the room. Jasper had clearly heard their exchange and was waiting for her at the other end of the corridor. She embraced him as soon as she reached him.

"She really hates me, doesn't she?" she muttered into his chest. He heard her perfectly despite the muffle caused by the fabric of his shirt and tightened his grip on her.

"If its any consolation," he began and she instantly knew his honesty would be anything but a consolation, "she doesn't just hate you, she hates all of us."

Alice sighed at his words but found herself cheering just at the sound of his voice. She needed his comfort then and she looked up at him for a moment, before taking his hand and leading him into their bedroom. She needed to escape, but she needed him also.

They spent the remainder of the day together, just taking comfort in the simple pleasure of being close to one another. And as the sun began its decent, Alice was tucked up against him distracting herself from everything happening around her by flicking through a fashion magazine while he studied a history textbook. She snugged into his side a little further and placed her magazine down onto her lap.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" she asked then. It pained her to even raise that question but, it was plaguing her mind and she needed to speak it aloud.

Jasper closed his textbook and placed his arm around her shoulders just before pulling her onto his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder and enjoyed the familiar scent that was simply him with each breath.

"It's hard to say," He replied honestly, "I never really knew her all that well to begin with. However, it think its best you stay positive and be patient. It won't happen overnight, but you have all the time in the world."

Alice frowned, and stated, "But she doesn't."

"At the moment, no, she doesn't," he began, "but that may well change. Do you still see it?"

Alice shrugged.

"I don't really see anything at the moment," she said in reply.

He opened his mouth to reply when they heard it. A crash sounded in the room down the hall. With a momentary look up at Jasper, they detached themselves from one another, jumping from their bed and hurrying to source of the noise.

The noise had come from Bella's room and inside they found her, her knees up against her chest with her head resting on them as she cried. Her mp3 player had survived its journey across the room and lay by the skirting board beside the door. The lyrics caught Alice's attention then as she approached her friend.

 _There's nothing I wouldn't do,  
To hear your voice again.  
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there,_

Bella felt the cold hand on her shoulder, but made no attempt to move. Her tears had consumed her, she hadn't gone this long without being numb in such a long time and those lyrics had cut her to the bone. Why would Leah have put such a song on her mp3 player? Bella was completely confused by the track and her emotions were raw. She really didn't need to be reminded of her grief. But it was as she thought to her own grief that she realised the track was most likely a result of Leah's for her father; this was her friend's old device and it was her tracks that she listened to. She felt annoyed at herself for not checking the contents before listening to the tracks. So far nearly every song on it had been easy listening but those words, they just made her relive the past year of her life in one painful flashback.

"Bella," Alice's voice reached her and she found herself muttering through her tears.

"I want my dad."

Her more recent friends wouldn't have heard those words, and she really didn't expect a reaction.

"I can call him, if that's what you want?" Alice asked, causing Bella to look up at her in confusion.

"You can't call him," she replied, tears streaming down her face.

The lyrics of the song that played registered in Alice's thoughts once more as she pondered her friend's dismissal despite her apparent grief.

 _Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?_

"No," she stated quietly, feeling her upset manifest at the realisation of why this song had triggered Bella's tears.

"When?" she found herself asking, as an unnatural calm spread slowly through the both of them. She registered Jasper's movements to pick up the offending the mp3 player, but didn't look towards him.

Bella sniffed back her tears before replying, "I don't want to talk about it."

Alice tried to hide her hurt as Bella shrugged out of her embrace and reached for the object in her husband's hand.

"No," she repeated before she could stop herself, and took hold of the mp3 player before Bella could reach it, "You can't shut me out again."

Bella's eyes narrowed and Alice knew she'd gone too far, but it was too late.

"Shut you out?" Bella questioned in response, "I'm so sorry, I'm sure you're the one who shut yourself out of my life."

"I know, and I'm sorry," Alice replied, "but you're hurting and I can help if you'd just let me."

Bella's eyes flashed with anger and Alice felt Jasper tense beside her. Her old friend's ire was aimed at her but her husband felt it worse than she ever could. Bella rose from where she sat and looked down at Alice with a stare that would have been intimidating had she not been human.

"How exactly do you intend to help me?" her friend demanded then. As she did so, Alice registered the appearance of a new voice downstairs. Her brother had chosen the worst possible time to make his entrance. Despite this, Alice couldn't think on Edward's arrival and had to deal with the situation developing because of her actions.

"I just thought you might want to talk about it."

"About what? My father dying?" She questioned, her tone sharp with fierce emotion, "Or did you just want to talk about every aspect of my life since you left?"

Bella's tone was thick with sarcasm and Alice instantly regretted her actions. She should have just let her friend hide from them if it was what she wanted.

"What do you want to know then, Alice?" Bella spat, "You want to talk about when I first got high? Or drunk? Or when I lost my virginity? Or maybe when I went cliff diving and nearly died? What? What is it you wanna talk about?"

Alice went silent at her friends outburst. She wasn't even sure that Bella realised what she was saying anymore. The rest of the house had fallen silent too, especially the newly returned member of their household.

"Oh come on, Alice, you wanted to talk, right? Pick a topic!"

Alice swallowed just before the vision hit her. She saw it all only seconds before it happened.

"Edward, don't!" Esme called just loud enough to reach Bella's ears. Her face flushed deep with embarrassment and she began to tremble. Before either Alice or Jasper could make a move to stop her, she had bolted for the bathroom. The slide of the lock sounded and then they heard her tears. Her laboured breathing and erratic heartbeat suggested another panic attack. They heard her fall back against the door as sobs racked through her.

Alice went to the bathroom door then, couching down to whisper through the wood.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered feeling like she could cry herself, "I keep trying to help and I only make it worse. I'll stay away from you now, if that's what you want."

With that said, she pushed the small device that she had withheld earlier into the gap between the floor and the door. It was the least she could do. If she had only allowed Bella to escape into her music, like she had wished too, none of this would have happened. Regretfully, Alice rose up and took Jaspers hand before exiting the room, knowing she was the last person her friend would wish to see right now. As they descended the staircase, they could hear Esme's desperate attempts to calm her brother down, while Rosalie's comments only fuelled the fire.

"Honestly, Edward," Her sister started, "you really have no reason to be angry, you broke up with her and she was free to fuck whoever she wanted."

"Rose!" Esme hissed at Rosalie just as they entered the kitchen.

The room smelled of the food that had been meant for Bella which she had refused earlier in the day, and contained the rest of their family. Rosalie leant against the kitchen counter, appearing smug after her comment. Emmett was standing just inside the doorway while Carlisle and Esme tried to talk sense in Edward. Just as Edward was about to reply, Jasper sent a wave of calm throughout the room before they could even look in their direction and his brother visibly relaxed before he spoke.

"It's not that," he told his sister, "Didn't you hear her? She jumped off a cliff and nearly died."

"And what right do you have to comment on that?" Rosalie argued, scowling at her brother.

Esme sighed and looked increasingly aggravated. Edward's shoulders slumped noticeably at his sister's comment.

"None," he muttered quietly to himself. His face crumbling with a hurt that none of them could truly comprehend.

"Exactly," Rose replied, "maybe if you hadn't left her none of this would have happened. Maybe she'd be happy instead of a suicidal drug addict."

Alice was complete taken aback by Rosalie's reply. She hadn't been aware that her sister cared so much, in fact, when they had made the decision to leave, Rose had been one of the only supportive voices in the room. Alice pondered then whether it was simply the manifestation of her own guilt that caused such a spike in her temper. Rosalie turned away from Edward then and strode purposefully out of the room, followed shortly after by Emmett. Alice heard him calling softly after her just before Carlisle spoke to her.

"You really should have left her alone, Alice," he reprimanded.

"I know," she replied, still feeling like she wished to cry, "I'm sorry, I just wanted to help her."

She felt Jasper's grip tighten around her hand then and she so grateful for his comfort.

"I know you're intentions were good," Carlisle said then, "however, neither Edward nor Bella needed this right now."

She looked toward her brother then, she really wasn't sure how to describe the pained look on his face. He looked tortured by whatever thoughts were in his head in that moment and kept his eyes trained on the stone floor. While she stared at her brother the sounds of Bella's sobs reached her. She had caused all this pain and she couldn't apologise enough for her actions. She was physic; she really should have known better.

"I'm sorry," She repeated, "I really am."

Carlisle looked over at her and nodded once. He may have accepted her apology but it wasn't his forgiveness that she wanted or needed. The sight of Edward's pain was the focus of her attention until Jasper sent another calming wave over their gathered family. It didn't solve the situation but she was sure it helped more than they could see.

"I wish you wouldn't," Edward stated his voice heavy with guilt and self-loathing, "I don't deserve it."

"I wasn't doing it for you," Jasper quickly replied, still firmly attached to his wife by the hand. Esme looked across at him with appreciation in her eyes and the beginnings of a smile forming. She took a seat beside Edward and tried to take his hand, only for him to swiftly remove it from her reach. He didn't deserve their sympathy or their compassion, not when he had caused all this pain.

Slowly, his emotional state began to improve with Jasper's influence. But even when it had, he was still tortured by the sounds of her sobs. He felt so immensely guilty at the sound of it. It was the mention of him that had caused her to react as she had. But it was also because of his sister. He looked over at Alice then and his eyes darkened a shade. She had upset her and it tore him apart, but as Rosalie had said, he had no right to feel this way. He had no right to be angry at his sister for anything, much less this.

"I am so sorry, Edward," Alice spoke then, her expression pained, "I just wanted to help her."

He nodded, it wasn't her fault, it was all his. Everything that was happening now was all because of him and he had absolutely no idea how to make it right. He didn't even know how to process all the information that he had learnt in the last few hours, much less how to put right the wrongs he had caused. Just as he thought on it, he noted the sound of her little movements from upstairs before her sobs were drowned out by music. It was heavy with guitar and a male voice droned out words he didn't care to hear.

He looked up towards the ceiling to where the sounds came from and felt his body call to her. In that moment, he just wanted to be near her. So much time spent apart had caused his longing for her to return the moment he had smelt her scent less than an hour an ago. It took all his strength and willpower to keep himself in his chair. Despite his earlier protest to the contact, he felt Esme's hand grasp his and he looked up to see her worried gaze. It was only the worry that he saw there that kept him from retreating from her comfort. He didn't deserve her comfort.

"Feeling any better?" she asked him then, a hint of a smile making its way onto her face.

He shook his head. He didn't actually think such a thing was even possible given his current state of mind.

"Silly question, I suppose," she said, giving his hand a little squeeze before falling silent once again.

He was aware of the four set of eyes studying him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The only thing he cared for had her shut herself away from the world and was still intermittently crying over him on the upstairs bathroom floor. She didn't deserve this. He had only wanted her to be happy and safe with his leaving, not this. His chest was heavy with guilt and his mind plagued with regret as they sat there in silence. The time passed by with the only sounds in the house being the thrums of guitar chords and piano notes from the music upstairs as it carried down to where they all sat together, all wondering the same thing. Where did they go from here?


	5. Shut Up and Let Me Go

**Hi all! This chapter is actually early again, I'm really spoiling you :P If the next chapter is a little later, bare with me, I'm probably just caught up in Uni which ends in like 2 weeks :/ Thank you all for all the support so far! I really do appreciate and all your reviews are the best motivation to write I've ever had :) Glad you are enjoying this so far! Hopefully you will all continue to do so.**

 **Also I've never been through a detox for alcohol (thankfully) so I don't know what its like, so everything that happens might not be accurate but I did research symptoms, these just might be exaggerated slightly.**

 **Song in this chapter is Shut up and Let Me Go - The Ting Tings.**

* * *

Shut Up and Let Me Go.

 _Shut up and let me go,  
This hurts, what I can't show,  
For the last time you had me in bits,  
Now shut up and let me go._

She woke up the next morning with her face pressed against the cool tile surface of the bathroom floor. Her headphones were still within her ears and the sounds of the Ting Tings telling her to Shut up and Let her Go was the first thing she registered as she woke. The second was that it was morning, she knew this because of the sun that was streaming through the window at the opposite end of the room. As she tried to sit her body felt heavy and her head span. Her hands shook beyond her control and she felt bile rise in her throat. She barely made it to the toilet in time as her stomach emptied its contents into the bowl. She had never felt quite so ill in all her life.

Her forehead gathered sweat as her body forcibly removed what little food she had consumed in the last few days. She had been so focused on surviving the 'one more night' and so consumed by embarrassment and hatred that she hadn't realised just how badly she had declined into the stages of withdrawal. The room around her spun and the knock on the door that sounded hit her like a stab through her skull.

"Bella, are you alright?" it was Carlisle, she could just about determine his voice through the haze of her muddled mind.

Before she could reply, she was retching into the toilet all over again. She didn't register the lock braking or his entry into the bathroom until a cold hand brushed her forehead. She moved away from his touch and faced him. Her vision swam slightly, but she could make out his face and her eyes narrowed _. 'One more night' what a load of bollocks,_ she thought, as another wave of nausea hit her.

She vaguely heard him speaking, but couldn't focus on his words. Her body was fighting itself with every breath. She was detoxing. The Cullen's were getting exactly what they wanted now. It was with that thought that she frowned. They were getting what they wanted, _had they planned this?_ She couldn't think on it for long as her head swam.

"Bella," another desperate voice called in the distance just as a deep shudder passed through her body. She ignored the voice as she felt herself sway and clung onto the toilet bowl. The next bout of vomit was nothing more than bile. It burned her throat and left a vile taste in her mouth. She spat the remaining bile into the bowl before reaching over to flush it. She was aware of the eyes on her, but once again found it difficult to focus on who was here and what was happening around her.

"Keep him out of here," she heard Carlisle mutter and was instantly on edge. She moved away from the toilet, pressing her back against its side and facing away from the wall to stare at the copper pipes of the sink beside the toilet that stood out against the pale marble tiles that adorned the walls.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle asked then.

Words failed her as her head swam, so instead of a reply, she simply held up her middle finger in response while refusing to redirect her gaze from studying the pipes and the tiles.

Carlisle sighed at her action, but did not leave. Her detox was well underway if the sickness was anything to go by. She would need fluids and rest, but most of all she would need to be kept away from alcohol and drugs at all costs.

Despite her wishing otherwise, Carlisle refused to leave the room. She felt her head drooping and the tiredness of vomiting hitting her hard. It had been at least 48 hours since her last fix, and she hadn't eaten anything they had offered her. She didn't trust them not to sedate her again, and by the events that were unfolding she had been right not to trust them. It was clear that this outcome was what they had sought when they had requested she stay 'one more night'. Her hatred for them grew as body trembled.

She hated each and every one of them in that moment. But most of all she hated Carlisle. She hated that he wouldn't leave, and she hated that she actually trusted his word. All she wanted was get up off this floor and get as far away from here as she possibly could, but that was almost impossible. Her legs shook whenever she tried to move, let alone stand. As the minutes ticked by, she felt her weakness turning into sleep and within an hour of her sickness occurring, she was lightly dozing, her head resting against the cool tiled surface.

She woke up within moments of her body making contact with the soft bedding. Her sleep had been light and she woke the minute she registered a soft surface beneath her cheek as opposed to a hard one. Carlisle stood by the side of the bed and she scowled up at him. She scowled at him for all the lies he had said, for daring to touch her while she slept and for making it so she couldn't leave. Despite her the weakness in her limbs, she tried to force herself into a standing position. All she could think was that she needed to get away from here. Her head spun as she sat upright and her body swayed a little. She tried to stand then, and Carlisle swiftly caught her as she lost her balance.

"It really isn't advisable that you move far, Bella." He told her, to which she scoffed and attempted to shove him away from her.

"Just leave me the hell alone!" she screamed. Her head felt heavy and she worried she might be sick again, but those things didn't matter much to her. She wanted out. She needed out. If she couldn't get away now, she was sure that they would keep her here until she was fully detoxed from the substances she craved so badly. She couldn't just let that happen; she needed to be numb.

Carlisle sighed at her outburst but didn't comment. He simply maneuvered her back onto the bed for her own safety. It was then that her tears began. They rolled softly down her cheeks, breaking his heart at the sight of them. He truly hated to do this to her, but it was for her own good.

"You said I could leave," she stated, her voice losing some its early fight, "you lied."

Such simple words were extremely effective at cutting him deep. Yes, he had said she could leave and yes, he had lied about that, but it was her benefit. She couldn't see that yet, but she would.

"Just go," she said then, rolling onto her side, facing away from him. She curled in on herself and sobbed. It broke him to leave her in such a state, but his presence was causing her more pain than he wished to inflict on her. She would be in enough pain in the coming hours without him inflicting more on her. Besides, he know that the only thing that would make her feel better was to preserve with her detox, either that or to take whatever substance she was detoxing from. He couldn't let that happen though. Whether she wished it or not, she was much his daughter as Alice or Rosalie and he would not let her destroy herself this way.

Much to her surprise, he left her then. She hadn't really expected him to leave, but she was grateful that he did. Alone with her thoughts and the crushing pain in her head, she studied the patterns on the bedspread and picked at the stitching. She just wanted out. She wanted out of this house and out of her life. She spent a few moments feeling sorry for herself until she realised that something she craved was within her reach, if only she could get to her bag. She rolled over slowly and forced herself upright once more. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she pleaded with her body to cooperate. Her bag was exactly where she had left it sitting in the window box. She opened her eyes and gripped the table beside her bed for support as she stood. She wobbled on unstable legs with each step, but she was driven by need and it didn't really surprise her when she made it. She practically fell into her seat in the window box where she had sat for most of yesterday. Her hands shook as she plucked the one of her three remaining cigarettes and flicked the lighter and lit up for the first time in hours. Nicotine helped to ease some of the pain, but not all of it. She knew only alcohol and drugs would achieve that, if only she could gather just enough strength to make it from the house, then she might achieve her goal. She gazed out the window then to assess her surrounds, attempting to formulate a plan of action as she dragged the precious substance into her lungs.

As she sat there, her back pressed up against the wall, she noticed them appear below her. She felt her breath leave her body at the sight of him. He hadn't changed a bit, but then she hadn't really expected any of them to have changed. She knew he would barely recognize her now, but despite her embarrassment over her much changed appearance she couldn't pull herself away from the window. His brothers were holding him back from the house. She couldn't hear their words, but she could tell from their expressions that they argued. She stared down at his every movement, her body still craving him despite everything. He was the drug that she had craved most in the past years. She took a drag on her cigarette trying to get her emotions under control and exhaled. He must have noticed the swirl of the smoke against the window as he looked up then, his eyes were darker than she had ever seen them. Her breathe caught again as their eyes met for the first time in two years.

Their gaze held what seemed an immeasurable amount of time before her eyes narrowed down at him and she moved away from the window. The moment she was gone he craved to see her again.

"Are you even listening?" Emmett called towards him, but he was too focused on her. She was so different, but still so Bella. He was not pleased to find out the things she'd done during their time apart, but he had been the cause of all the hurt she had experienced. He was the reason she had started drinking and taking drugs. He was the reason her appearance was altered and her personality so changed. He caught sight of another swirl of smoke and was reassured that she was still there. Not that he was at all pleased to see that particular habit she had picked up either. The sign of it, however, proved she was still within his reach and he was incredibly grateful for that. Since he'd arrived the previous day, his feeling for her had returned ten-fold and it was difficult for him to keep his distance. It was because of this difficulty that he was out here with his brothers. They had forced him from the house when he had tried to get to her. He had found it immensely difficult to hear her illness and not go to her.

"He's not listening," Jasper replied to Emmett, "he's obsessing over her again."

 _Edward, you do realize that she can't stand you, right? In fact she hates every single one of us because of you._ Jasper thought then.

He flinched at his brothers thoughts, but knew what he said was true. Her addictions were proof enough that he had broken her beyond even his imagination, but he had truly believed that she would move on and live as she should have without their interference. He would never have foreseen this. Their time apart had caused him more pain than he could bare at times and he been fighting the urge to return to her every day since they had parted. It was because of this that he had been hunting down Victoria both as a distraction and to ensure that she came nowhere near Bella. Despite his failure to find the vengeful vampire, Bella was here and she was alive. He couldn't focus on the negatives right now, his mind was simply full of the want to be near her.

 _Oh for goodness sake, Edward,_ Jasper thought as his annoyance grew, _stop staring at the window!_

He looked away and back to his brothers who stared at him as if he had gone mad. With Edward's attention momentarily gained Jasper spoke again.

"I understand what you're feeling," he started, "but it doesn't take a genius to work out that she is the way she is because of you, because of us. She isn't going to want a relationship with you just like that. Trust me, it will be better for the both of you if you just keep your distance," _for now._

His brother looked pained by the mere idea of staying away from her again. It was obvious that now Edward had seen, heard and smelt her presence there was no going back. He couldn't leave her again, he simply wasn't strong enough.

 _We do get it, you know,_ Emmett thought then, before continuing verbally, "If someone tried to keep me from Rose, I wouldn't be able to do it, but if you want her to ever give you another chance; you need to give her space right now. She's going through hell-"

Emmett's words were cut short and they all stared up at the window at the sound of Bella's retching once again. Edward found himself moving before he could stop himself. Emmett and Jasper may have been able to overpower him, but they could only do so if they could catch him. He outran them easily, but was greeted with the immovable force that was Rosalie once he reached her door. She stood, lips pursed and arms crossed over her chest.

"I don't think so," she stated then, and Edward was contemplating starting a fight with his own sister when Emmett took ahold of him.

"What have we just spent the last 20 minutes talking about?" Jasper asked as if addressing a child.

Edward cursed at almost the same moment as Bella.

"Oh, Esme, will you just fuck off!"

At her words, Emmett's arms relaxed momentarily with shock and Rose was distracted just long enough for him to dash past them and into the room.

"Shit," Emmett cursed just as Esme spotted Edward lingering in the doorway to the bathroom.

 _You shouldn't be here,_ she thought when she saw him, _you'll only make it worse._

Bella's head rested against the rim of the toilet and thankfully she wasn't looking his direction. Seeing her again this close caused relief to seep through him. Granted, she wasn't in the best health, but she was here and he had never been more grateful for the burn that sprang to life in his throat at her proximity.

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?" she muttered into the porcelain, just before another bout of sickness took hold of her.

Esme looked towards Bella with concern in her eyes, before directing her gaze back to her son. Her eyes were pleading as she begging internally

 _Look at her, Edward,_ his mother thought, _she really can't handle this right now._

He knew she was right, but he had just wanted to see her, be near her. Two years had been such a long time to keep himself away and now that she was this close, he longed to touch her and hold her. Especially now as he watched her suffering. Esme held his gaze, her eyes pleading with him to make the right choice. He knew that being here wasn't the right choice. His brother's had told him as much. He looked towards her again, eyes filled with desperation until she retched again and he was filled with guilt all over again. She was suffering because of him and he wouldn't allow his selfish desires to inflict anymore pain on her. He had done enough of that already. Leaving took all the strength he had, but he did it. He did it for her.

He heard Esme thanking him internally as he turned and left. His mother went back to tending to a reluctant patient as he headed away from her. Separating himself from her was difficult for him to do, it was because of this that he only made it to the top step on the staircase before taking a seat. She was only a couple of feet away and he was reassured by that. He contented himself with watching her through Esme's mind, and was comforted when she finally stopped being sick and spoke in her normal tone for the first time since he'd returned.

"Why won't you let me go?" she asked, her back pressed up against the tiles, "Can't you tell that I don't want this?"

Bella's face visibly fell as she spoke. As she grew more exhausted the fight was seeping out of her bit by bit. She was tired and hungry, but she didn't want to sleep and she didn't want to eat. Choosing when to do these things was the only thing she had control over and she would willingly starve herself if that was what it took for them to let her leave. Esme frowned and sat herself down in front of Bella, folding her legs underneath her.

"I know that you think you don't want this," she replied softly, "but you are an addict, sweetheart, you don't have the capacity to make that choice right now."

"It's my body," Bella argued, "It's my life. You don't get to make this choice for me. All you guys ever do is make choices for me, it didn't work out so well last time did it? Do you really think you can force this on me?"

Bella watched as Esme's frown deepened and it appeared that her calmer approach had actually gotten through, even if it was only for a moment. Despite Esme's reaction to her questions, the other women chose to ignore them.

"You need to eat something," she said then, almost as if talking to herself.

Bella sighed at Esme's change in direction. She had tried and failed once again to convince them to let her leave. If she had been strong enough and not so exhausted from illness, she would have left as soon as possible.

"No," she replied, "I really don't."

Esme looked concerned and Bella scoffed at the sight of it. She was really getting tired of the pretense now. They didn't care about her and she knew it. They wouldn't have left her behind if they did. She pulled herself up slowly from the floor then, ignoring Esme's offered assistance. Her head spun and she felt increasingly dizzy as she took slow steps towards the bathroom door. She could feel Esme hovering behind her each step of the way but she chose to ignore it. When she reached the bed, she pulled back the covers and hide herself within them. If shouting didn't work, ignoring them didn't work and talking rational didn't work, then she try something altogether different. Esme's words and her reaction to her reply had given Bella the perfect idea. Her fourth attempt to gain her freedom was the most drastic of all; she just hoped it would work quickly as this whole detoxing thing really wasn't a pleasant experience.


	6. Cant Get Over

**Hi guys! Sorry about the delay, had deadlines last week and exams! This chapter went in a slightly different direction than I had planned but I hope you like it all the same. Thank you for all the support so far my lovelies! You are all amazing!**

 **Songs in this chapter: Can't Get Over - September**

* * *

Can't Get Over

The music in her ears drowned out the sound of her complaining stomach, but it didn't take away the sensation. She had gone hungry before, many times in fact since she'd left the reservation nearly 5 weeks ago, but this was different. Then she hadn't experienced the full extent of her hunger as she had nearly always been high or drunk. Alcohol contains a reasonable amount of calories for energy, she had argued with herself when deciding to eat or drink. Besides she really hadn't missed food all that much. She missed it now though. The only solace from her crippling hunger was the music that distracted her. Well, it was, most of the time.

 _You...  
Don't wanna hear your name,  
Don't wanna see your smile,  
'Cause baby, I'm still crying,_

The beginning lines of the next track caught her attention then and she suddenly had no desire to listen to it. As she skipped onto the next track, the little screen flashed up at her and she knew the battery wouldn't last too much longer. She cursed but immersed herself into the music once more. She may not have long left of her distraction but she would make use of every moment of it. Her stomach complained loudly as the next track played. She cringed at the feeling, but did not verbalise her discomfort, if she did they would hear and they would try to make her eat again. Esme had been relentless in her efforts, but Bella had not given in. The plates had been left within her reach, 'should she change her mind', but that wasn't likely to happen. If she had had the energy she likely would have thrown the plates across the room. Fortunately for the Cullen's diner service, she had barely been able to move in hours.

After her conversation with Esme, she had taken up residence under the bedcover and had refused to move, or rather, had a distinct lack of energy to move. She knew that if she just ate then she'd likely feel better, but if she ate then she was giving in and she couldn't allow that. She would not give in to them. Not now. Not ever. She wasn't 18 anymore, and she wouldn't allow them to dictate to her. She was stronger than they had ever given her credit for, the last 2 years of her life had taught her that much. She may be an addict now, but she hadn't always been. Her life had been going relatively ok until suddenly, just 10 weeks ago, it wasn't. Granted, she'd drank, smoked and took drugs prior to that time, but she'd never gone this far. Not until everything had changed.

 _Mid-October 2008…_

 _The snow had started to fall thick and fast a few weeks earlier than usual. The whole of Forks and La Push experienced a complete white out. From the window of the Black's house, she witnessed it fall in a steady rhythm against the glass. As she watched, warm arms encircled her waist. She smiled at the familiar feeling of Jacob's embrace and leant back against his chest. His proximity allowed her to soak up his comforting smell and his delightful warmth. He brushed her recently dip-dyed hair from her shoulder and pressed his mouth against her neck. The kiss lingered and she shivered as desire for him began to build up inside of her at his touch. As his kisses turned from delicate to demanding, his hand explored beneath her sweater before heading for the waistband of her jeans. Her breath hitched at the feel of his hands on her, it thrilled her and she moaned deeply as he reached her most sensitive parts._

 _Her back arched into his chest at his touch. She angled her head to kiss him deeply. He returned her kiss and she turned her body to face him. Almost the moment their bodies were pressed chest to chest, his fingers found their way inside her. She moaned into his mouth as he worked her up into a state of want that only he could fulfil. She worked at the top button of his jeans and sucked his bottom lip into her mouth before pressing her teeth into the soft skin. He groaned and his grip on her tightened. Before she could really register what was happening, he had her up against the kitchen counter. She could feel her orgasm building just before he relinquished his grip on her and removed his hand from her panties. She was confused for just a moment, before one hand gripped her thigh and the other her waist and she was hoisted up onto the counter. Here his hips met hers. The insides of her jean-clad thighs pressed against either side of his pelvis. She could feel every inch of him straining against the denim. Earlier, she had managed to undo the buttons, but now her hands worked on his zipper. He watched the movements of her hands and felt relived once his jeans were down beside his ankles. Her eyes filled with want at the sight of him bare and he revelled in the sight of her desire._

 _He tugged at her jeans eagerly and she complied, lifting her hips and allowing him to discard the barrier between them. Once her jeans and panties had been flung across the room, he moved towards her sweater and tee. In a well-practised motion, those garments joined the others on the floor. With her breasts bared to him, he smiled a devilish grin and she recognised his wondrous smile. It was familiar and she delighted in seeing it. His expression made her want him more. His mouth moved to suck at her nipple, it hardened at his attention along with the other one as he moved slowly to pay it the same attention. She moved to take hold of him then and stroked his length leisurely, deliberately teasing him as he was teasing her. She felt him tense and she knew that she had won. His hands gripped her hips and pulled her to him. Her hands pressed down against the counter top as he angled her hips and entered her swiftly and roughly. It was hard and fast, just what she preferred. She moaned deeply with each movement and felt her pleasure building once again. The feeling of him tensing as he moved pushed her towards her own orgasm, just as he climaxed, she reached her own and cried out. The rounded edges of her nails dug into his back as she clung to him._

 _He held her close to him after and she was glad of this, especially so when Seth burst into the kitchen. Her body pressed against Jake's shielded her nakedness from her step-brother's view. However, it left no doubts about what had just transpired. The 16 year old's eyes widened and he retreated almost instantly and waited outside the door._

" _You too need to get dressed and quick," he explained, "its Charlie."_

 _Bella felt her blood run cold and quickly de-tangled herself from Jacob's grip. All the feeling of pleasure that had just flooded her body left her instantly. She threw her clothes on, almost tripping when her foot got caught in her jeans. Jacob was dressed quicker than her and steadied her when this happened. She mumbled thanks and once dressed, she headed to where Seth waited. He refused to look her in the eye as she spoke._

" _What's happened, Seth?" she questioned as she pulled on her tan winter boots and coat, while Jake pulled on a hoodie that he didn't need._

" _There was an accident," he told her, "he's at the hospital."_

 _She grabbed her bag as Jacob grabbed the keys._

" _What kind of accident?" Jake asked as they headed for the car. He studied Bella then, watching her whole demeanour start to change as her anxiety rose. She climbed into the passenger seat as Seth jumped into the back. It was only once the engine had started that Seth answered Jake's question._

" _Car accident," he stated, "there was ice on the roads and another driver lost control. They ran him off the road."_

 _Bella felt her heart clench in fear. She didn't think she would be able to handle it if anything happened to Charlie. He and Jake were all she had. Her mother was so consumed with her new baby that she didn't take much notice of Bella anymore. Granted, her half-sister Sophia was only a few months old and needed Renee much more than Bella did, but she couldn't help but feel a little abandoned. Her mother had a new family and wasn't as interested in Bella now that she was an adult. She just couldn't lose Charlie. Jake took the roads carefully, but not too slowly and as they drove, Seth spoke up._

" _You guys don't regularly do_ that _in the kitchen, right?" he asked timidly, from the backseat. Jake glanced at Bella wondering how much he should say. However, she cringed at Seth's words and confirmed all his suspicions._

" _You two are rank," he accused, "I've eaten food you've cooked in there."_

 _After his comments, they stayed silent for the remainder of the journey. Bella was too distracted by worry for Charlie to care about Seth's disgust and Jake was trying to focus on the road. Jake's careful attention on the icy roads caused them to reach the hospital much quicker than they should have. Once there, they were greeted by the sight of her step-mom, Sue Clearwater, waiting for them outside. Charlie and Sue had only married a couple of months ago and Bella was still getting used to the idea of having two step parents, but she liked Sue and she was glad her dad was happy, even if it meant acquiring two step-siblings. She did like both Leah and Seth, but she wasn't used to having siblings anymore and in the space of 5 months, she had obtained 3._

 _At the sight of Sue, Bella pushed open the door and ran towards her._

" _Where is he?" she practically demanded._

 _Sue smiled then, it was gentle and reassuring._

" _He's going to be ok. He's got some bruises and a broken rib, but he'll live," she told her, "the doctors will release him soon, but I'll take you up."_

 _Relief flooded through her and she felt Jake's hand encase hers as they entered the hospital. She was glad of his presence. She didn't like this hospital; it reminded her too much of_ them. _They followed Sue into the ward and she hurried over to her father at the sight of him. He had lots of bruises forming but he was sat up and grinned at the sight of her approach._

" _Don't scare me like that," she told him once she had reached him. Before he could even reply, she had relinquished Jake's hand and instead flung her arms around her father. The action caused him to flinch and she pulled back from him, mumbling an apology. She was just so relieved to see him looking well after Seth's earlier cryptic news._

" _Sorry, Bells," he replied to her, "I'll make sure to plan my car accidents better next time. You'll be informed in advance."_

 _Her father's idea of humour caused her to let out a small laugh._

 _"You're not funny," she told him, but smiled at him all the same. He returned her smile and patted her gently were it rest on the bedguard. Despite her reassurance that her father was ok, Bella_ _stood by his bedside for what seemed like an age. She refused to sit even at Jacob's request. Instead, she hovered beside her father and monitored his every movement._ _It was the moment that she allowed her mind to wonder that it happened. She looked over at Jake and Seth, who lingered beside the armchair that Sue had settled in, and took her eyes of her father to study Jake's face. He grinned at her and she felt a little touch of desire spark in her stomach. To his look, she muttered quietly, knowing only Jacob and Seth would hear her._

" _Stop it."_

 _His grin only increased at her words and she shook her head, knowing if she didn't make her refusal clear, they'd end up in a toilet cubicle again. The feelings that had begun to creep up on her dissipated instantly as he father groaned and coughed. She felt a warm liquid spray her hand where it rested on the bed guard and looked down. To her horror, blood dotted that back of her hand and the covers that laid across her father's lap._

" _Dad!" she exclaimed just as he coughed up more blood. Jake had hit the nurse call button when Charlie had coughed the first time and soon help appeared. The nurse looked just as stunned and confused as they all felt. She shouted for a doctor and they soon came running. Bella was moved away from her father as the monitors began to emit alarm sounds and indicate the steep decline in her father's condition. Before they really understood what was happening, they had all been ushered away from her father's bedside and into a hall. Jake held her as she cried and trembled with worry. She didn't understand, the doctors said he was fine. They were going to discharge so how had this happened? She cried into Jake's chest and allowed him to hold her close. Seth was trying his hardest to comfort his distressed mother as a doctor appeared in front of them all._

" _I am so very sorry," the doctor began and Bella felt her world collapse around her as he uttered the words she dreaded most in the world. "He's gone."_

 _Bella moved away from Jake and confronted the doctor._

" _But you said he was fine!" she spat, her anger building at her distressed mental state. Tears streamed down her face as she faced him._

" _He was doing well," the doctor explained, appearing unaffected by her reaction, "however, it appears that a piece of his rib had splintered and caused an internal bled. I am so very sorry, there was nothing we could do."_

" _Yes, there was," Bella said, "if you'd done you're job properly, you would have noticed and you could have stopped it. He's dead because of your error!"_

 _She felt Jacob's hand reach around her and pull her to him._

" _Get off, Jake!" she yelled at him, but he didn't listen. He pulled her close to him despite her protest and she broke down the moment she was held securely in his grasp. She had just been stood beside her father and she couldn't understand how this happened so quickly._

The sudden death of her father still caused her confusion now, she didn't understand why nobody had noticed the bled and how he had been taken from her so swiftly. The shock of her father's death caused her to retreat into herself in the days that had followed. Her and Sue had been hit hard by Charlie's death and had found a semblance of comfort in one another's grief. Not long after his death, Sue had returned to her old home in La Push, taking Bella with her. As the days had turned to weeks, Bella had found herself descending into the dark place that had consumed her after the Cullen's had left all over again. It had been in the last weeks of November that Jacob's actions had pushed her to leave La Push and visit her mother. Her mother had forced her to leave after the incident with the coke and she had got onto the first train leaving Jacksonville and began the life she was currently living. It had been her fifth train journey that had led her to the Cullen's and the overdose that had brought her here.

She pulled herself away from her dangerous thoughts and forced herself to focus on music once again. It really wouldn't do her any good to dwell on her father or Jake. All thoughts of them did was make her teary or enraged. It was best to leave such things alone now, she decided, she was miserable enough as it was. She rolled onto her side then and eased back the covers, the thoughts of her life post Cullen's was enough to induce cravings for cigarettes. With great effort, she sat herself up against the headboard and lit up her final cigarette. She savoured every drag and mourned its loss when it was gone. She stubbed out the remains into the bottom of her empty cartoon and made a move to lie down when she suddenly lost consciousness.

Rosalie was the first to notice. She had been the closest to the bedroom when Bella's body started to shake against the bedframe and the mattress. She was there within seconds. The sight that greeted her once she entered the room made panic surge in her. She may not have cared much about Bella Swan, but watching her fragile frame shaking violently was enough to make her give a damn. She shouted for Carlisle then. Bella's thin body was shaking so fiercely that she had smacked her head against the headrest, her limbs had turned rigid and her stare was vacant.

"Bella!" She called urgently down at her as Carlisle entered. Carlisle was only moments away and he took one look and dashed off to his office, stating instructions towards his daughter as he went.

"Time how long it lasts and make sure she doesn't hurt herself further."

Rose actually felt herself experiencing a sense of panic. She wasn't used to feeling this way and she didn't like it. She did all the things that Carlisle requested. She placed a pillow between Bella's head and the headboard, kept track of the time on her designer watch and whispered words of, what she hoped, was comfort in her direction. It was mere seconds, but it felt like a lifetime. Carlisle reappeared then and signalled for Rose to move aside. She did so willingly and watched her father's every movement as he administered the drug. Much to her relief, in less than a minute, Bella's shakes had stopped and her eyes had begun to focus.

Bella's eyes went wide in surprise as she opened her eyes to find Carlisle and Rosalie staring down at her. Her eyes and body felt heavy then and she registered the pain in her head and her limbs. She frowned, she didn't understand what had happened.

"What happened?" she asked then, looking from one to the other.

"You had a seizure," Carlisle told her, watching her eyes go wide for just a moment, "and you will keep having them until you either eat or let me set up a banana bag. You're body cannot cope with what it's going through without sustenance, Bella."

She looked away at his statement, and tears filled her eyes. She fought them and didn't let them shed. Every part of her hurt, but she would let herself die before she gave into their will. She used what little strength she had left to turn away from them both then. Maybe if she had enough seizures, they would have to take her to a hospital or let her go? She thought as she tried not to cry.

"You're being an idiot," the voice of Rosalie caught her attention then.

"Being an idiot is what I'm good at," she muttered in reply.

"Well that's certainly true," Rosalie told her, just before she noticed it. The empty packet of cigarettes that had fallen onto the floor at Bella's movements. She thought on it for a moment before coming to the perfect idea.

"For the record I think it's a disgusting habit but," Rosalie started, "how about a trade? You let Carlisle treat you and eat something and I will personally go and buy you more cigarettes."

Rosalie had gained her interest the moment she had said the word 'trade'. Bella thought it over for a moment and her stomach complained loudly and painfully. She didn't like the idea of giving in so easily, after all, 12 hours of protest wasn't much of a hunger strike. However, the idea of cigarettes was just so tempting. A whole minute of silence passed and Rosalie began to feel a little disappointed, she had honestly thought that it would work. The addict in Bella must have been craving something badly, surely?

"Okay," Bella's timid voice said then.

Rosalie felt triumphant and smiled at her accomplishment. Where Carlisle and Esme had failed, she had succeeded.

"You want the same brand, I take it?"

Bella didn't voice her reply, but she nodded instead.

"Okay," She stated then, "I'll go now and while I'm gone, you'll let Carlisle set up whats needed?"

Another nod.

Carlisle headed off to fetch the things he needed as Rosalie picked up the packet. She cringed at the smell of them but she took a mental note of the brand name and once Carlisle had returned, she left. Rose may not have agreed with Bella's habit, but if this got her better than that was a good thing. She frowned at her thoughts then and paused in her step. Her movements remained frozen until she had reasoned with herself that she didn't care about Bella in the same way that her family did, she just wanted her better so that she could leave and things could go back to normal. At least, that was what she tried to tell herself as she headed towards her car. Emmett waited for her in the garage without a word. She smiled at the sight of him and caught hold of the keys swiftly as he tossed them in her direction. They left the house only moments after her discussion with Bella and were on their way to the store before Carlisle had even started to set up her drip. Bella Swan was going to recover from this, even it meant the occasional bribe. Even her own will wasn't strong enough to fit against the substances she craved, a fact that Rosalie was very glad of in that moment.


	7. Stupid and Reckless

**Hi guys, thank you all so much for the wonderful response so far! You are all so amazing! Sorry for how long this took, it has been a very busy week and was away in the middle of nowhere for the weekend! In case anyone thought the last chapter was a little random in parts, I understand this but I assure you that it is relevant, especially her relationship with Jacob which you will all be enlightened about in the coming chapters. This one really did not go where I had expected, but I like when that happens sometimes :)Hopefully, you'll all like it.**

 **Also, you will probably all start to gather that Rosalie is one of my favourite characters that is often painted badly in fanfiction, I think there's more to people than a few generic character traits and so I chose to see the good in her character. After all, a women who craves motherhood has to have a caring nature in there somewhere. Rosalie and Jasper are the two characters that I love to explore as you will see throughout this story.**

 **Anyway, enjoy! Thank you all so much and I very much look forward to seeing what you think so please do review and let me know! Abbie**

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Stupid and Reckless

Bribery was not an ethical means to obtain patient compliance. Despite this, he couldn't help but note that it was certainly effective. Carlisle stood in the doorway and watched the exchange between his two daughters. Rosalie had more compassion than she allowed people to see and she was a wonderful person beneath all her pretences. Bella had allowed him to set up the banana bag as soon as she had heard Rosalie's car on the driveway, with the very real threat that she would rip it out if Rose went back on her word. He was sure that Bella would have done exactly that, which was why only he and Edward had remained in the house after it was done. The others members had since returned once Rose had proven herself to Bella.

"I really thought you were going to go back on what you said," Bella told Rose then.

Bella sat up against the head read and was nursing a small meal. Rosalie was hovering by the side of the bed. She rolled her eyes at the statement and replied,

"Have I personally ever lied to you before?"

Bella thought about that for moment before stating, "No, but I don't really know you either."

"That's fair, I suppose," was Rose's simple reply.

At that, Bella ate her meal quietly. She had seen the packet of cigarettes that were now in Rosalie's leather handbag and the craving for one had reached a point that she would have eaten whatever they put in front of her just to have one. However, the sudden appearance of food after so long without it caused her stomach to ache. She paused and Rose noticed her discomfort as she finished the first half of her sandwich. At the sight of it, she felt a pang of sympathy. She saw Bella reach for the next half. The other girl had a look of determination on her face and Rose knew it was only the thought of cigarettes that brought about her expression. Before she could reach it, Rosalie took the plate from her reach and sat herself down on the bed beside her. Her voice was soft as she spoke next.

"Don't force it," she told her gently, "it's no good eating it all if it makes you vomit."

Bella frowned at Rose, she really couldn't understand what was happening. Rosalie had always shown her nothing but hatred and distaste so why was she being kind now? Bella didn't understand and instead protested; it was what she was good at after all.

"Just let me finish it," she stated, despite feeling a little sick at the thought, "You don't get out of the deal by taking my food away."

Rose found herself smiling at Bella's mild protest. There was so much more to this human than she had ever seen before, but then this Bella definitely wasn't the same girl that had attended her families baseball game and blushed at the slightest word her brother spoke. This was the girl, turned woman, that had faced James in the ballet studio and Rose found herself feeling nothing but admiration of this woman. So full of fight and spirit. Yes, this Bella she liked, even if she would probably not admit it to many.

"I never said I was," she told her, before reaching for her purse. From it she pulled a sealed box of cigarettes. She broke the seal and handed Bella one. The other girl frowned, but took it.

"Two cigarettes for every meal you eat," Rose offered, "One now, and when you are ready to finish this, one later."

"Seriously?" Bella questioned then, she felt her anger building again, "You're going to treat me like a child? Eat your dinner, Bella, and you can have a sweetie!"

Bella had done her level best to remain calm in front of Rosalie, after all, she had the cigarettes, but seriously? She wasn't five years old, she was twenty and she was definitely old enough to make her own decisions, not that they gave a damn about that, she reminded herself then.

"Well these certainly aren't sweets," Rose replied calmly, "but you're not giving us a huge amount of choice. We made a mistake in leaving, we know that, and we only want to help you, and if I'm honest, I personally refuse to watch you kill yourself."

"You don't even like me," Bella retorted.

"I don't have to like you to, Bella," Rosalie told her, "you don't have to like me, but what you have to do is accept that if you want cigarettes you will have to eat."

Bella looked down at the cigarette in her hand and sighed. She felt tears burning in the back of her eyes, but she refused to cry. She couldn't let them see how much this all affected her. She just wanted to be free of them all, but without the energy to really move she couldn't get far and she didn't have any way to contact anyone to help her either. All she could do was get her strength up and leave when she had.

"Fine," she stated then, "I'll play you're little game, but you should know that the moment I am well enough, I will leave and I will get high. All this will be for nothing."

Rosalie frowned softly, and Bella could tell the expression was disappointment. She'd seen that expression far too often to not recognise it.

"Well, that's your choice," Rosalie replied, before offering Bella the rest of her sandwich. Bella looked down at the plate before facing Rosalie.

"None of this is my choice, Rose."

"I know," Rose said softly then, before adding, "eat when you're ready too."

Once she had said that, Rose stood and placed a second cigarette on the plate beside the half-finished sandwich. Bella stared at it for a moment before she realised why it shocked her so much. Rosalie was actually treating her with a semblance of respect and trust in that moment. Granted they had no reason to distrust her, but it certainly improved how she viewed the other woman. Carlisle followed Rosalie through the doorway and gently pulled the door closed. The moment it was closed she felt her body relax just a little.

She nibbled at the sandwich before deciding that the pain in her stomach wasn't something she wished to add too and instead lit up one of her cigarettes. It felt wonderful after a couple of hours without one. As she enjoyed her cigarette drag by drag, she tried not to listen to the conversations going on downstairs. It was about her, she could tell that much, and it really bothered her. If she hadn't been soothed by nicotine, she would have probably said something. She wished for her music then; wished to be able to block out the world and shut them out, but it had died when Rosalie had left to get the cigarettes. From where she sat upstairs taking the final drag on her cigarette, she could hear Rose defending herself and becoming increasingly irritated by the replies.

"It was the only way to get her to eat!" she exclaimed at her brother's annoyance.

They stood in the lounge, facing one another with equal expressions of irritation and anger. Both were riled up by each others words and were fuelling each others rage. The others in their family had given then space to sort this out as they usually did. This kind of argument was common place between Rosalie and Edward. However, it had been a while since they had argued about the topic of Bella Swan.

"You're feeding her habit!" he retorted, enraged that she would help Bella to hurt herself with drugs. He couldn't understand why she didn't understand what was so wrong with her actions. Encouraging Bella to smoke was the last thing any of them should be doing!

"For god's sake, you make it sound like I'm her fucking dealer!" Rose exclaimed as her anger rose a step further.

Edward's reply was stopped by the sound of a little voice drifting down from the upstairs bedroom. It was soft and only just at a normal volume.

"If you are going to talk about me, can you at least do it quietly?" Bella requested then.

Bella's voice aimed directly at him made Edward tense for a moment. Of course he'd heard her talk many times over the last few hours, but not aimed at him. He found it distracting and all consuming to hear her voice speaking to him again. He instantly regretted the argument with Rose at her next comment.

"Also," she paused for a moment, "thanks, Rose."

Rosalie smiled at the thanks, but didn't reply. Unless she raised her voice, Bella never would have heard it anyway. She watched Edward's shoulders slump and he moved away from her then. She felt bad for her brother, but he had brought this on himself and the rest of them were just trying to make it all OK again. OK was all she hoped for. She knew that Bella's mental state prior to this had clearly not been wonderful, and she could only imagine what it would be like once she left. She thought towards her brother then and his state of mind. At the thought, she felt the creeping sensation of remorse. Yes, she had done what she had deemed necessary but to her brother she had crossed a line. She may not have cared much for what Edward thought of her, but she still needed to make this right.

She found him on the back steps. He read her mind and her slight feeling of guilt at her arrival behind him.

"Don't Rose," he told her, "you were right earlier, I brought this on myself."

Rose sighed then and delicately took up the space beside her brother on the step. Her thoughts were always so clear and precise. Rose always said exactly what she thought and it certainly made things easier for him. Well, most of the time.

 _At least we can agree on that,_ she thought, "Yes, you did, but she didn't."

Edward frowned at the protective almost warm tone to Rosalie's thoughts then. He turned to face her.

"Why do you care so much?" he practically demanded, "Two years ago, you couldn't wait to be rid of her!"

She didn't need to speak aloud for him to understand. Her guilt at supporting his leaving was her main motivation for helping. He saw that, but he also saw that she did care. He knew that her motivations were far from innocent but her actions were made with good intentions.

"I know you think what I'm doing is wrong," Rose started then, "but I didn't see any other way. You didn't see her, Edward."

She thought about it then. That moment with Bella earlier in the day when the advancement of Bella's condition had brought about a seizure. He hadn't seen it first hand, he didn't understand. It was true, at the time of her seizure had been away from the house for mere moments to hunt. Esme and Carlisle had convinced him it was for the best, but as soon as Alice saw it he had rushed home, albeit too late. He could see the event through Rosalie's memories, and through Carlisle's and he understood that what had occurred had been difficult for them both to witness. Despite Carlisle's protest, he knew it was his fault and he knew he should have been there for her when it happened. He had vowed then that he wouldn't leave the house again until she was well. He wouldn't risk anything happening while he was away from her.

"I understand, Rose," he said then, "I just don't like it."

 _You don't have to like it,_ "you just have to deal with it. So she smokes," Rosalie stated, "honestly, it will take at least a good decade for that to kill her."

Edward rolled his eyes at her lack of sensitivity. "She's not going to die," he told his sister.

Rosalie's eyebrows rose at the statement.

"You really think she's going to want this life after everything that's happened?" She asked.

Edward shrugged, he didn't know what Bella would want now, but she had been pretty set on it not too long ago.

"She's not 18 anymore, Edward," Rose began, "she's not a teenager, she's not a girl, and she's not that naïve. She's a woman and you need to understand that she has probably changed more than we can comprehend in the time we've been gone."

"I mean look at her," Rose continued, "she's got multiple piercings, and from Esme said, she's even got a tattoo. She was afraid of needles when you knew her and now she's willingly seeking them out. Humans change, Edward, her more so than most."

"Look," she said then, "just don't do this, ok?" _Don't hurt her anymore. I've been like her, I've been broken. I can't let you break her again._

He frowned and looked away from her. Of course he understood exactly what she meant. He knew her history well, but he didn't see how their stories were at all similar. Besides, no one in his family knew exactly what had happened between him and Bella so Rose's comment puzzled him. It was certainly a truth that he had broken Bella with his actions, but his sister didn't know the full extent of it. His guilt built as he tried to think of some response to give his sister. It took him a few moments before he came to the decision.

"I lied to her, Rose," he admitted quietly, after a few moments of silence. Rose had looked as if she would rise and leave when he finally spoke. She took her seat again as his words registered.

"I had to lie," he explained, his words gaining the interest of his whole family at this point, "if I hadn't lied she wouldn't have let us go."

He could hear the curiosity building up inside the thoughts of his family members as he continued.

"I told her that I didn't love her, that I never had," his voice choked on the words, it was painful to think about the horrid lies he had spoken to the girl he loved more than his own life, "I didn't know what else to do. I needed to make her safe."

He could hear the anger seething inside Rose, but before she could reply, another voice demanded his attention.

"You bastard!" his other sister screamed as she appeared behind them.

He rose then and faced the ire of his favoured sister. Her face was contorted with a rage he had never seen directed at him. Jasper was behind her in a matter of seconds and he suddenly felt just a trickle of fear. Out of all of his family, Alice and Jasper were the only ones who could best him in a fight, Alice more so than Jasper.

"It's no wonder she can't stand us!" Alice yelled, her eyes swimming with tears she couldn't shed, "You lied to her, you lied to us all!"

As she approached he took small steps in retreat. Her verbal screams were accompanied by a painful mental tide of abuse thrown his way. He knew he deserved her hatred, but he didn't know how to handle it when it faced him. He just continued to take steps to put distance between himself and his sister. She advanced on him, with each step she took towards him, he took one back.

"Why did you do it?" she demanded then, coming to a stop in the middle of the back lawn. He was only a few steps from her and if she really wanted too, she could easily reach him from here. The desire to inflict hurt was rising in her. Her brother had done something far worse than she had anticipated. She had known that he had done something other than just leaving to cause Bella to act this way and she really should have expected this, but she hadn't wanted to think that he would be that cruel.

"I needed to protect her," he replied to which she scoffed.

"Bollocks to that, Edward," she told him, "You needed to protect yourself! If you hadn't been so much of a coward she would've been like us by now and she wouldn't have needed protecting!"

"I did it for her," he muttered quietly, the hurt he felt visible on his face. His words and expression did little to change the rage that Alice felt in that instant and she pushed forward and shoved her arrogant brother with all the force she had. He hit a redwood with such force that it cracked and its splinters showered him. Bella had begun to fall asleep when a loud sharp crack woke her. It took her a moment to register the sounds of voices. She frowned in the moment of confusion and listened to what was occurring.

"I just can't believe you did that!" Alice yelled, and gained Bella's interest from the bedroom, "You broke her heart on lie!"

At first Bella didn't understand the conversation, but she could assume certain things from it. After all he certainly had lied, Bella knew that. For one, he had told her that it would be as if he had never existed, but of course it hadn't been. She had never forgotten him, and she knew that no matter what happened in her life she never would. She hated him, but she would never be able to let go of the love she had for him. It would haunt her forever and she would never be free of it, but that didn't mean she hadn't tried and that she wouldn't keep on trying. He didn't want her anyway, he had made that perfectly clear. His words from that day still brought about night terrors and she tried her hardest not to think on it until he spoke.

"It broke my heart too," he replied to his sister, "but I had too, she would never have moved on if I hadn't! I just wanted her to be safe!"

Bella really didn't understand this conversation and she wasn't given too long to think on it as another sharp crack sounded that was almost immediately proceeded by Carlisle's voice. He could be heard above the noise.

"Alice! He's hurt, that's enough!"

"Oh it's never enough," Alice's voice caught her attention.

The words Carlisle had spoken made her brain do something that she couldn't fully comprehend. She reached for the IV and grasped it in her hand. She didn't know why but the idea of him hurting made her act without reason.

"Hurt him again, Alice," she warned, "and I'll hurt Jasper the only way I can."

From the back yard, Alice froze as the vision of Bella yanking the IV from her arm and deliberately shedding her blood passed through her mind.

"Bella!" Alice called, loud enough to be heard by the human upstairs, "You don't understand! He deserves this!"

"Maybe I don't," she said, her hand still grasping her IV, her threat still very much active, "but I won't let you do this. I won't let you hurt him this way and this is all I have."

Before she knew it, Alice was in the room standing in front of her. She jumped and her heart spluttered at the sudden appearance of the other woman. Her hand froze in its place as Alice reached across to place hers above it. Alice stood beside the bed, keeping her hand pressed against Bella's, limiting her source of threat, and confronted her old friend.

"Don't you care for your life at all?" Alice demanded then, her shock colouring her expression, "Why are being so stupid and reckless?"

Bella looked her straight in the eyes then and hoped that he was watching.

"Because he told me not to be."

Alice frowned and they both heard the pained noise that came from the backyard. She knew it was him and despite her defence of him earlier, she was glad of inflicting just a little hurt on him. Maybe he would understand how his words had affected her if she explained. She kept eye contact with a confused Alice for the next few moments, hoping that he was watching through her.

"Three months after you left, I brought a motorbike. I brought it because it was dangerous, and I like danger," she explained, her words were quick as she was worried that she would lose her nerve if she didn't hurry, " I like piercings and tattoos. I like cliff jumping and racing bikes. My only friends are unstable shape-shifters. I lived with them for months, even dated one and last year, I faced Victoria with them. I live for danger and for finding ways to hurt myself. You made me this way. Are you proud?"

She was breathing heavily when she was finished and she noticed Alice's expression then and offered the only explanation she had then.

"You don't need to hit someone to hurt them, Alice."

Alice looked impressed for a moment before her face fell and she span to face the door. Bella felt all her bravery desert her in that instance, the moment she was faced with the sight of him in front of her. It wasn't like a quick glance through the window, this was real. He was here and she had just protected and taunted him in the space of a few minutes. His expression held so much pain that at first she experienced the same impulse as before; she wanted to protect him. She wanted to protect him from the hurt she had caused and to make his pain go away. That wasn't an option, however, as the sight of him caused both anger and panic to surge in a deep conflict within her. As their eyes met once again, she was reminded of all the painful memories. All their moments together, at school, in the Cullen's old home, her old bedroom and especially the meadow. With the appearance of these memories, panic won out and she was overtaken by the motions of a attack.


	8. The Crazy Ginger

**Hi my lovelies! You are all amazingly supportive people and I am sorry I couldn't reply to your reviews, there was a weird sync issue that appears to be resolved now! I don't know how I managed to fit in writing this chapter while working 60 hours since the last one was put up, but here it is! Also I have some super awesome news that I just have to share, I GOT A FIRST ON MY DISSERTATION! (My one and only first of my degree!) :D Sorry, been shouting to anyone who'll listen for days! :P**

 **Quick reply to the first review of this chapter - my apologises for the many typo's, i appreciate you bringing it to my attention. its late here in England (about 1:30am and I did a 12 hr shift today, my 5th in a row in fact) and i wrote most of this tonight, I also have dyslexia so words that are similar like women and woman are very common errors for me, it doesn't mean that I don't know that one is the plural of the other, just going to direct your attention towards the writing in captials above... :P thanks!**

 **Anyway, enough bragging from me :P hope you enjoy the chapter!**

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The Crazy Ginger

 _That wasn't an option, however, as the sight of him caused both anger and panic to surge in a deep conflict within her. As their eyes met once again, she was reminded of all the painful memories. All their moments together, at school, in the Cullen's old home, her old bedroom and especially the meadow. With the appearance of these memories, panic won out and she was overtaken by the motions of an attack._

The panic attack was all consuming at first. It was difficult to take a breath and fill her lungs. It was difficult to gain control over her mind and slow her erratic heart. She was gasping for a breath, eyes shut tight, when she felt it. The little spark of electricity shooting through her at his touch. The tips of his fingers were cold against her increasing warmth, they brought with them memories that only fuelled her state of anxiety. She couldn't handle this, she didn't know how to cope with it all. She pulled her arm away from his touch and curled in on herself. She tucked her legs against her chest and held them against her with her arms. Through it all, she kept her eyes closed to force out the image of him and pretend that he wasn't so close to her now that she could feel his breath and smell his intoxicating scent. It was no easy feat, she was fighting against all manner of urges. A part of her wanted to jump at this chance to be near him again, no more pretend, just real, while another part of her wanted to ignore his presence and another wanted to run as far away as she could from the man, and final part of her just wanted to scream and shout until she had no more anger left inside her. It was serious conflict and it was not easily fought.

Her breathing began to calm despite her anxiety, it would seem his presence was more calming than she could have imagined. Damn her traitorous body, she thought, as the panic subsided. Even once it was over, she held position and kept her eyes shut. She didn't know how to do this. How did you proceed with the love of your life who broke your heart and made every moment of your life since his leaving seem as though someone else was living it? She didn't know how to handle it or process it so instead she just kept breathing evenly and keeping her mind focused on the simpler things, like breathing and remaining calm.

"I am so sorry, Bella," his voice reached her and she moved her arms from encasing her legs to cover her ears. She knew she was acting like a child in this instant, but she didn't want to hear his voice. It made her heart ache for him in ways she never had for Jacob. She would never escape her feelings for this man, but that didn't mean she had to go down without a fight. She felt his hands on hers then and clamped down tighter. In that moment, she expected him to force her hands away from her ears and make her listen, instead, he simply held his hand against her left and stroked the back of her right as he had so many times before. The tips of his fingers created little patterns against her flushed skin. She felt a wonderful shiver past through at his gentle touch.

"I am so sorry, I never meant to do this to you," he spoke then and she heard him through her hands. She hadn't exactly expected it to block out any sound, just display her displeasure at the conversation.

"I lied to you in the most heinous way and I can never apologise enough for all that I have done," he began, his fingertips tracing the bones in her hand now. Despite all her protests she could feel herself giving into his touch. She was a woman now and such a simple gesture shouldn't have had the ability to make her feel this way, but it did. Her mind raged internally; she couldn't fight it, couldn't fight him. At least, not at first.

"I love you, Bella," his whispered words broke her heart anew, "I lied so terribly, I have always loved you. I will never stop loving you."

"I just wanted to protect you," were the words that did it. Despite his confessions of love that warmed her heart just a moment ago, those words broke his spell over her and her eyes opened in a flash of anger. She moved away from his touch equally as quickly. Upon opening her eyes, she realised that the door was closed and they were now very much alone. However, this fact did little to diminish her temper.

"You didn't protect me," she spoke then, her eyes blazing with anger, "You were a coward and you left. Worst yet, you took them all with you! You took Alice, she was my only friend that I had no secrets from. You just left, and you definitely didn't protect me by leaving."

The memories of the previous March surfaced at the thought. She remembered it so clearly that she wasn't ever sure that she could forgot...

 _The wind caused her curls to brush gently against the back of her neck and across her cheeks. It was a little chilly and she was glad to be able to disguise her shiver of fear as a shiver of cold. Her heart was beating faster than she thought was healthy as she stood there. She stood in a clearing, the very same clearing where she had first meet the woman she come to greet. The other woman wasn't here yet, but then, Bella had only recently undertaken the first stage in their plans. Over the course of the last hour or so, she had littered the woods with her scent. She had laid the route, now they just had to wait for her to follow it._

 _The sky began to darken and as it did so she worried over whether their plan would actually work after all. Jake and Sam had been so sure that she hadn't really thought about the chance of failure. She looked towards the tree line on her left and strained to see him. He wasn't visible in her inadequate eyesight. None of them were. A flash of colour caught her eye then and she whipped her head back around. Wild orange hair and piercing eyes that had once been red, but were now darkening into a shade of maroon at the woman's thirst were the first things she noticed. The tatted clothes she wore resembled the clothes she had worn on that fateful day so many months ago._

" _Hello, Bella," she uttered, her face lighting with excitement, "You're a very difficult woman to find I hope you know."_

 _Bella could feel her fear but did her best to swallow it back and reply._ Keep her talking, _that was her instructions._

" _Victoria," she greeted trying to be as neutral as one could be when faced with a person who wanted them dead, "it's definitely taken you long enough, I simply figured you were having difficulty. I thought I would help you out a little bit. So here I am!"_

 _The other woman's eyes flashed with hatred, "It's only taken me so long because your mutts!"_

 _Her sneer probably would've made Bella fearful if she had paid much attention to it. She deliberately focused her mind on the taunts she had practice, making sure her words were aimed at insulting and pressing Victoria into action._

" _Well, I've lead them off elsewhere today," Bella told her, her tone ringing with honesty, "I just want to end this now. I can't live my life with you over my shoulder so either kill me now or fuck off."_

 _Victoria laughed heartily at the comment and Bella held back a flinch at the sound. It was a truly awful sound; someone taking joy from the idea of your death. The other women stared at her intently._

" _You want to die?" she questioned, tilting her head to one side to appraise Bella, "why? Because lover boy left you with a pack of mutts? Did you get tired of trying to kill yourself? Thought I would assist you in completing what you're too moronic to do yourself? You're so pathetic."_

 _It was Bella's turn to laugh then._

" _God, if I'm pathetic, what does that make you?"_

 _Unfortunately, the other woman's sudden movements caused Bella's heart to flutter. Rather than standing roughly fifty feet away, she was now in the blink of an eye less than five feet from her._

" _There's the fear I was waiting for."_

 _Bella scoffed, "Now I'm pretty sure most people would jump if a crazy ginger woman launched herself at them. I'm absolutely positive that it doesn't make you special."_

 _From this distance all of Victoria's facial expressions were readable more clearly and it was very obvious that she was pissed. That comment was enough to cause her lips to pull back over her teeth in a snarl._

" _Ok, I'm really scared now," Bella taunted, adding another laugh for effect. She hoped the sound and distraction of her laugh would keep Victoria's attention onto her and her alone. It did for a moment, until a twig crunched under the silver wolf's paw. It didn't matter so much now anyway, but it would have been a better, quicker victory if she hadn't noticed them till they were almost on her._

 _Victoria noticed the sound and spun to it. Bella knew what she was expected to do at this moment, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. She wanted to see this woman die. Spending a whole year being hunted, unable to leave the town to go to college, unable to sleep without worry or spend a day away from home in the fear that she would be waiting for when she came home. It would end today, she told herself as she watched the wolves advance. It had to end today. They had waited too long and planned too perfectly for this opportunity to slip away._

 _As he passed her, Jake's muzzle butted her gently, motioning for her to back away. It all happened very quickly after that. She barely had a moment to think on leaving when both herself and the rest of the pack of seven wolves saw first-hand how Victoria had evaded them so well; she was talented. Her ability to avoid each attempt to take her down was impressive. She evaded every single slight movement and Bella began to feel fearful that she would get away. As she watched, panic building up inside her, she remembered the story. The story of the third wife that Jacob's father had told them about around the campfire not so many weeks ago. She knew what she would have to do._

 _As the thought occurred to her, she quickly scanned the grass by her feet. There had to be something, anything! She spotted the slightly jagged rock a few steps from her and leapt towards it, stumbling a little in her haste. The rock was covered in dirt and grim and for a moment, just a moment, she hesitated. However, one look towards the rest of her friends made her act. They weren't losing or having much damaged done to them, but they were losing their chance to end this fight once and for all. Her decision was made as she looked towards the scramble._

" _Did anyone order the side of O-?" she questioned heavy with sarcasm to alert the guys to her plan just before she pressed the sharp edge against the soft skin of her forearm. The red liquid was released from her then and Victoria paused. From across the field, she noted the change in the other woman's posture. She could imagine the shade of her eyes changing from dark maroon to deepest black at the smell of the fresh blood._

 _The momentarily distraction was enough to prevent her escape. It was all over rather quickly after that. After all the trouble the woman had caused to derail her life, it was no wonder that Bella felt a sense of relief as she took her lighter from her back pocket and threw it and its flame onto the pieces of her corpse. As she watched the woman burn, she felt Jake approach. He sniffed at her cut and licked it once._

" _You are fucking disgusting," she commented, laughing lightly, but pulling her arm from his reach, "you know that fact about dog's salvia being an antiseptic is a load of bollocks, right?"_

 _The wolf's body shook in a strange way and Bella understood that her friend was laughing…_

At the memory, Bella felt a strength of being that she hadn't felt in weeks. She was strong and she was brave; she knew that. Most of the pack had been in awe of her bravery for days after Victoria was gone. But he didn't know that, none of them did. She briefly enjoyed the sight of his face as it crumbled at her words. It didn't make her feel as good as it did to insult the other Cullen's since there was always a part of her that didn't want to hurt him and so her enjoyment was brief before guilt slowly set in. Thankfully, he spoke before she could.

"I thought my leaving would protect you," he explained, "I honestly did. But you are right, I was a coward and I never should have left you alone. I suppose I didn't understand the importance of your relationship with my sister."

He looked into her eyes as he spoke and she thought then that if he had returned eighteen months ago, possibly even a year, maybe she would have forgiven him. The things she felt for this man were still strong and half her mind urged towards forgiveness, but if she couldn't forgive Jacob, why should she forgive him? How could she forgive him? When he had hurt her more than Jake ever could.

"How could you not understand? Alice was my best friend, I emailed her every day after you all up and left, of course, she never replied. I supposed that was you protecting me too, right?" she asked, with a sharp harsh edge of sarcasm whilst studying his face once again. He was more gorgeous than she remembered, but she shook that thought from her mind promptly. She watched as he looked down in shame at her words.

"You took everything from me," she told him then, feeling tears welling up and being unable to stop them, "Did you honestly think you were doing this for me? Did you think I'd just get over you?"

She remembered then, how difficult it had been to let Jake in after everything. It had taken just over a year for her to accept that he wasn't coming back and to give Jake the chance he sought from her. Despite her relationship with Jake, she had never got over her first and only love. At first, being imitate had felt like a betrayal and for weeks having sex with Jacob had felt like an affair.

"I hoped you would," he spoke softly in response. She felt her heart ache at the thought.

His words made her tears fall freely then. He looked up at her once again and she saw the guilt clouding his gradually darkening eyes. She couldn't find the words to explain how she felt and instead whispered softly.

"Please just go." She really didn't want to talk any more.

He closed his eyes for a moment and his expression was so pained that she almost wanted to retract her statement. However, she couldn't handle this conversation any more. It felt as though the whole in her chest was opening anew at the direction of their words and she couldn't let that happen, not again. It had been unbearable while getting high, she didn't want to imagine that pain without drugs in her system. To avoid that occurring, she needed to be alone. She needed him to leave.

"I can't leave you," he muttered so quietly, she barely heard him.

The tears gathering in her eyes finally spilled over; she really didn't want to speak any more. Instead of arguing, she simply chose to ignore him. She moved herself as far from him as the double bed would allow, hide herself beneath the covers and faced away from him. It was clear that he wouldn't leave, she could feel his weight on the other side of the bed, but that fact couldn't stop the agonised cry that escaped her. She put her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound and curled in on herself. In that moment, she felt like the same girl that Sam had found in the forest all those years ago. The sound of her pained cries cut through him in ways he had never imagined. He couldn't bring himself to leave her until the thoughts of his irritated sister broke through the pain he experienced at witnesses Bella's own.

 _I think its best you do as she says,_ Rose thought, she was standing just outside the door and from her thoughts he could tell that under her irritation at him was concern, but not for him as he would have perhaps thought, but for Bella.

"I can't," he whispered too low for Bella to hear.

 _Try._

Her request was difficult to act on and he struggled to move from his perch on the bed. He didn't know how to leave her. He wasn't sure he could ever separate himself from her again. Rose's instructions were all that made him fight his own emotions then.

 _Try harder._

The second request followed the first by only a few seconds and he closed his eyes shut tight. In that moment, he had to reason with himself. It was very probable that Rose would come in as he left, he could hear the unspoken intention in her thoughts. This fact allowed him to fight his feelings and rise from his position. He could keep his eyes on Bella through his sisters mind if that was what it took to respect her wishes. It took great effort and intense pain to walk away then but he forced himself not to be selfish anymore. It wasn't fair to force his company on her when it clearly caused her such pain. As he left, Rose smiled slightly and entered just after he had vacated. She approached the bed with an air of caution. She didn't really understand her desire to be here, and she certainly didn't know how comfort the other woman.

"He's gone now," she whispered then. Bella didn't response and she assumed that the other women hadn't heard her. She approached and felt a twinge of sympathy as a sob racked through Bella's body. The other woman was hiding beneath the comforter and it was shaking with the force of her sorrow. She repeated her words a little louder in the hope that Bella would hear her this time. She noticed then slight nod of Bella's head from beneath the covers. At that reply, she felt slightly awkward stood in the room and had to ask.

"Do you want to be alone?" she asked simply. She didn't know if her staying would help or hinder the situation further.

Bella shook her head.

Rose sighed and took up a seat on top of the covers, sitting up against the headboard. Bella continued to face away from her and sob, but these quieted after a few minutes. Rose sat but didn't speak until Bella's sobs had almost completely stopped.

"If you want me to stay," she started, "can you please shower? You stink of vomit."

Bella didn't emerge from beneath the covers but her body shook for a whole different reason then. Her laughter was so quiet it was almost unnoticeable. The impeccable hearing of her companion allowed for the detection of the sound. Rose wasn't expecting that reaction to her honesty but she smiled just slightly at it and continued on her train of thought.

"And sweat," she continued, "also something else," she paused then frowning before the thought struck her, "oh good-lord did you fart? Humans are disgusting."

Bella laughed openly then and turned herself to face her companion. Her face and eyes were red and slightly swollen, and there were purplish bruises from exhaustion forming beneath them. She also looked pale, paler than usual. Despite the fact that she was sure it was perfectly normal given the circumstances, but Rose made a note then to inform Carlisle of this fact at a later date.

"Trust me," Bella explained, "if I'd farted, you would hear it before you smelt it and if you keep complaining about my stink I will put your face in my armpit. I can imagine without washing in days that it smells delightful!"

Rose heard the laughter of her family, especially her husband from downstairs. It was a wonderful sound after so long without much of it.

"So is that a yes or a no to a shower?" she questioned, smiling down at Bella. Hoping to signal the now present joke in her question. She was half joking at least, the girl really did stink.

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes, but her smile didn't drop instantly. She shook her head before turning and burying herself beneath the covers once more. Rose remained silent after that and just stayed in place beside Bella until she was sure that the other woman was sleeping. It was then and only then that she raised herself gently from the mattress and made her way towards the door. She lingered for just a moment before closing the door, muttering, "good night Bella," as she pushed the door closed. As she did so, she prayed for tomorrow to be a better day for her family and, for Bella.

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 **hehe fart! :P In the words of the Weasley twins (I do love a bit of Potter) "Just trying to defuse the tension." Thanks guys!**


	9. What Tomorrow Brings

**Hi all! Thank you guys for the continued support! Thank you to Rita01tx for betaing this chapter! Sorry if anyone read the copy of this with comments in it, I accidently changed it with the wrong document! Opps! Really not used to having a beta yet.**

 **The story is moving forwards now and skipping time just a tiny bit. Anyway, hope you like it!**

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What Tomorrow Brings.

 _She lingered for just a moment, muttering, "Good night, Bella," before closing the door. As she did so, she prayed tomorrow would be a better day for her family and for Bella._

Tomorrow had proved to be a better day, at least from Rosalie's perspective, as were the two days that followed. Bella refused to speak to Edward or any of them, really, apart from her. She was always surprised by this but then realized she was the one supplying the cigarettes. The other woman had spent the majority of her time hiding behind her music after trading the consumption of an extra meal, something Carlisle had suggested to bulk her up after the IV had been removed, for a couple of batteries.

On the sixth morning of Bella's stay, she approached the room holding the washing that had been waiting for her for days and, instead of the usual music, she heard the sound of the shower. Much to the dissatisfaction of their family, Alice had told them all last night today would be the day Bella would leave them. She was going to return home or at least that was Alice's best guess was at the vision of the late, middle-aged Native American woman who would pick her up from the train station later in the evening. Rose felt a little put out by Bella's imminent departure but she wouldn't stop her. Carlisle had said the night before that they had done all they could and it was time to let her move on, if that was what she wanted, and, despite her brother's protests, most of them agreed. They had kept her here longer than they'd stated on that first night, forcing her to endure days of suffering, so the least they could do was let her leave of her own free will, now that she was able.

She entered the bedroom and placed the two pile of clothes on the bed. Alice had insisted on providing Bella with another set despite knowing she wouldn't accept them. Rose laid out the clothes and called out to let Bella know what she doing. No reply came and she assumed Bella couldn't hear her over the water. She lingered a moment longer than necessary and left, glad her new friend was finally taking her advice and doing something about her body odor, the stench of which has been assaulting every vampire nose in the house.

The heat of the water rolling down her bare skin caused Bella to sigh in pleasure. Placing her face beneath the shower head, she just let its warmth wash away the previous few days. She had been here long enough to actually start feeling well for the first time in a long time. Waking up that morning to find her strength renewed and her body responding to her demands of it had been immensely satisfying. Days of playing along with Rosalie's game of eating in exchange for cigarettes, among other things, and simply ignoring every attempt made by the other Cullens to socialize with her had paid off after all, at least as far as her body was concerned.

Thinking over everything as she stood beneath the soothing shower, the main question plaguing her mind was…what next? She was healthy enough to leave and they couldn't very well keep her here any longer without locking her door. However, now that she felt so much better, now that the drugs were out of her system, she found herself debating whether she could ever go back to her life before this. She couldn't shake the realization that she had an actual chance to make a fresh start. Granted, she had absolutely no intention of telling them that. She didn't want any of them, including Rose, to think they had won this fight.

Bella heard Rose announce her presence but ignored her. To her surprise, Rose didn't call her name again so she shrugged and turned from contemplating her life to at least scrubbing the past days' worth of grime off her body and washing her hair. Once out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around her slim torso and walked over to the cabinet on the opposite side of the room. Catching sight of her reflection in the mirror over the cabinet, she stared at herself in disgust. The girl in the mirror was too thin and too pale, dark circles of exhaustion beneath her eyes emphasizing her slightly bloodshot brown eyes.

Even with her hair still damp, she could see for the first time how badly her spur-of-the-moment dye job had faded. The once vibrant red ends were now a faint, uninteresting pink. The metal stud in her noise caught the light, glinting as she moved her face from side-to-side studying herself. This woman in the mirror certainly wasn't the girl who had been so enthralled by the Cullens two years ago. She was so different now, she ached with it. Of course, the people downstairs had not changed at all. Brutally aware she had never belonged with them, she wasn't really sure why that thought was so painful.

She looked away quickly, needing no further reminder of her insignificance. Instead, she rummaged through the cabinet and found the things she needed. She brushed her teeth rather vigorously and combed her hair. It was still wet so she pulled it up into a bun with a hair tie. Clutching her towel with an air of bravery she didn't possess, Bella made herself leave the bathroom knowing the Cullens were probably listening to her every move.

Expecting to be greeted with their interference again, she was pleasantly surprised to find them absent. She was still alone and incredibly grateful for it. Instead of their presence, she found evidence of their past presence and assumed this was what Rose had tried to tell her. On the bed sat two piles of clothes placed in neatly folded piles. One consisted of the clothes she had worn the day she had been brought here and the other of clothes she didn't recognize. She assumed one of them had gone out and bought some new ones to give her a choice. There was no choice, however, and she dressed hurriedly, leaving the other pile untouched.

Just as she pulled on her sneakers, a light rap of knuckles against the door broke the silence. She froze and waited. No words followed and eventually she snapped.

"What?!" she snarled angrily at the intrusion.

Once again, no words. She felt her agitation rising but ignored the door to finish tying her laces. Once she was ready, she grabbed her bag and stuffed the cigarettes Rose had given her this morning into it. She didn't know where she would go, but she knew she couldn't stay. She was healthy enough to leave and that was what she was going to do. She slung the bag onto her back, turned to open the door only to find herself face-to-face with the person who had knocked earlier.

"Don't even think about it," she warned, her voice strong even if her posture wasn't. She avoided his gaze by looking down at her feet.

"Bella, I can't just stand by and watch you leave," he replied, his voice laced with pain, but her irritation and need for overdue freedom prevented the sound of it from piercing her heart.

"Get out of my way, Edward," she growled, feeling her desperation building. All she wanted was to be free of them.

Hearing another voice, she looked up to see Carlisle placing his hand on Edward's shoulder in an attempt to intercede. After everything that had happened this past week, Bella certainly wasn't Carlisle's biggest fan but she was grateful for his help. She didn't have the strength, either physically or emotionally, to deal with Edward right now. She just wanted out and, now that she was strong enough to leave, he was trying to stop her.

"Son," he stated calmly. "This is her choice. It isn't yours or any of ours."

"At least _you_ finally get that," Bella muttered bitterly just as Edward growled at his father. She shivered a little at the sound, not knowing what to make of it.

Emmett and Jasper joined Carlisle and she watched Edward's body visibly relax under Jasper's stare for a few moments before he seemed to fight it off. Emmett and Jasper shared a look and Bella backed into the room at the having read trouble in it. She wasn't backing down…not in the least, but she knew if she stayed too close, she would only get hurt in the moments to follow. Their plan had been as clear as day on their faces.

She flinched as his brothers attempted to maneuver him away. He fought with everything he had, his ability clearly helpful in a fight since he was able to dodge nearly every attempt, but he couldn't hear both minds at once and his brothers eventually won. Watching him fight just to stop her leaving had Bella believing, if only for a moment, everything he had said a couple of days ago. Guilt didn't make people act that way. Believing him or not didn't change her mind, however, and after the few minutes it took Emmett and Jasper to force Edward to move from blocking her doorway, she attempted to leave once again.

Carlisle spoke up as she left the room. She could hear the emotion in his tone but didn't comment on it.

"I wish you all the best in life, Bella," he said. "I'm sorry we had to do this to you but I hope, in time, you will understand why. For now, Rose is waiting for you downstairs."

She frowned at his comment about Rose and nodded without reply. He deserved to feel guilty and he deserved to think she was still adamant about going back to her old life. In all honesty, she wasn't so sure she wouldn't. She may feel a strength of character she hadn't felt in a long while at the absence of narcotics in her system but she couldn't guarantee, even to herself, that she wouldn't fall into her old patterns. Nothing in life was a guarantee.

Bella could still hear the commotion Edward and his brothers were making down the hall as she headed away from the room where she had been held a relative prisoner for nearly a week, the disturbing sound of it making her quicken her step. Once she reached the bottom of the stairs, she was reminded of the first encounter with the entire family. She drew in a deep breath and pulled her bag higher up her arm. Rose waited patiently beside the front door holding a set of keys in her left hand and wearing an expression Bella couldn't read.

"Out of all of you," she sighed. "You are the one person I thought wouldn't even try to stop me."

Rose frowned, tilting her head to the side before responding, "Who says I am trying to stop you?"

Moving to open the door of the, she clicked the fob on one of the keys. A short, sharp whoop sounded and lights flashed as a nearby car unlocked at the command.

"I'm actually the getaway driver," she explained with a small smile. "Now, we won't have long before my brother makes another dick move so I suggest, if you are serious about leaving, that we get a move on."

At Rose's dire prediction, Bella hurried toward the red BMW she recognized from when they had attended Forks High School together. She didn't trust any of them but Rose hadn't gone back on her word yet and, for now, that was enough.

She hadn't even belted herself in when the engine roared to life and they were speeding away from the house. A tension she hadn't been fully aware of lifted from her shoulders as distance was put between herself and Edward. It took only a short amount of time for Rosalie to turn into the local train station. She pulled the car into the space allocated to "Wait Only" and shifted into park. Turning off the engine, Rose leaned behind her to pick up a black rucksack from the back seat. Bella hadn't even noticed it before now, everything having happened far too quickly.

"Bella, I know you will want to protest; that's who you are, but, please, just take this," she insisted, placing the bag on Bella's lap. "There is food for lunch as well as some money. Not lots," she added with an eye roll. "But enough. Now, there's a train to Seattle that leaves in five…"

"I'm not going to back to Forks, Rose," Bella replied, feeling trepidation at the mere thought of ever having to confront Jacob again.

"Yes," Rose sighed. "You are. Alice saw it. Think about it, Bella. La Push is the only place you can go that my brother can't. If you really want freedom from him…from us, that's the only place you will get it."

"Either way, I'll have to face one ex-boyfriend, Rose."

Rose frowned before replying. "I'm sorry, Bella. We will all do the best we can to keep him away from you, if that's what you want, but there is only so much we can do. The treaty, however, will stop him far better than any of us can."

Bella swallowed and began to worry anew. She held the other bag in her hand by the strap and stepped out of the car.

"Bella," Rose spoke as she turned to leave. "Please look after yourself."

Bella didn't acknowledge the comment but said a simple goodbye instead before heading into the train station. At that moment, Rose had no idea whether Bella would board that train or not but, for her sake, she hoped she did. Instead of pondering the possibilities and whether Alice's vision would come to pass, she turned her car around and headed home.

On the platform, Bella was faced with a difficult decision…one she had very little time to think on. The train to Seattle arrived as did a train heading in the opposite direction. She had mere moments to make her choice and, as she boarded the train, she wasn't sure whether she had made the right one.

Settling herself into a window seat with her belongings close by, she pulled the MP3 she had used to block out the Cullens from her bag and used it now in very much the same way. The rumble of the train's movements on the tracks, which was more a vibration than sound, was all Bella was aware of over the noise coming through her ear plugs. The music and the words helped distract her as she journeyed away from the Cullens. In that moment, she didn't know whether she had made the right choice.

 _Had leaving really been for the best?_ she asked herself.

Either way, she wouldn't know until the train arrived at its destination.

A couple of hours into her journey, curiosity got the better of her and she picked up the black rucksack, pulling it onto her lap. She found food and money inside, just as Rosalie had described. Although, how Rosalie thought $1850 was a small sum of money, she couldn't comprehend. Continuing her rummage, Bella found a small, sleek, black cell phone. She had never had one of her own. Their rising popularity had made her desire one, for a time, but she had never had the money or acute enough need to justify the purchase. She flipped it open and noticed a tiny 1 beside the message icon. She stared at the little number for a few seconds before choosing to ignore it. Instead, she selected the phone icon and dialed the first number that came to mind.

"Hello," the comforting voice greeted and Bella found herself smiling at the sound.

"Hi," she replied, tears stinging her eyes for a moment.

"Bella?" the other voice gasped. "Oh my God, where have you been? Are you okay?"

One lonely tear escaped at the older woman's concern. She should have expected this reaction but then she had always underestimated how much her father's widow really cared for her.

"I'm okay," she explained. "Well, I'm not but I'm not hurt or anything. I can explain everything only, um, can you pick me up from Seattle? I'm sorry to ask but I'm worried I won't come back if you don't."

"Sweetheart, of course I will!" Her reply was instant. "It will take a couple of hours though, you know that."

"I know. I'm sorry to even ask," Bella started.

"Stop that, right now," Sue interrupted. "You are as much a part of my family as my own children and I will drop everything to bring you home."

More tears welled up as Bella tried hard not to let on how choked up she was by her stepmother's kindness.

"When will you get here?" Sue's question brought her back to the conversation and she quickly hurried.

"A few hours," she explained. "I'm not sure exactly but probably around ten tonight."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll be waiting for you."

Their conversation ended not long after that and Bella finally allowed herself to cry. It didn't help that, when she placed her music back in her ears, she didn't receive the distraction she hoped for and was greeted instead with another one of Leah's break-up songs. Although these songs had popped up over the last couple of days, she had always skipped them before.

 _You said I was all you'd ever need,_

 _Love is blind and little did I know,_

 _That you were just another dead-end road,_

 _Paved with pretty lies and broken dreams._

This particular track made her cry even harder but she didn't skip it. She couldn't bring herself to do it. In that moment she desperately needed to cry. So much had happened in such a short space of time and even though she was free of one ex-boyfriend, for the time being, she was heading straight back towards another.

Sure as the sun set in the west, Jake was going to be furious with her when she showed her face. After what she had done to the Rabbit, they hadn't exactly parted on good terms and, well, she was pretty sure that was unforgivable. Not that she wanted to be forgiven and it wasn't like she could forgive Jacob so easily, either.

The song finished and another began, the lyrics causing her tears to dry as a small chuckle escaped the back of her throat. She remembered this song well. Leah had played the track when she had been trying to make Bella feel better after she had found out what Jake had done. It hadn't made her feel better. As a matter of fact, it had fueled the fire of her rage resulting in serious damage to Jake's car.

 _I dug my key into the side,_

 _Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheeled drive,_

 _Carved my name into his leather seats,_

 _I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,_

 _Slashed a hole in all four tires,_

 _Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats._

Bella didn't feel the least bit sorry for Jake and she certainly didn't feel remorse for her actions. All she felt now was just a little fearful of his reaction when he saw her again. She wouldn't have to wait long to find out. In just a few hours, she would be back home facing Jake and everything she had done.

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 **Songs in this chapter: Julie Roberts - Break Down Here, Carrie Underwood - Before He Cheats**


	10. Home

**Hi you lovely lot! Day late on this one, sorry guys night shifts have messed up my updating pattern lol Big thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter and a huge thanks to my beta Rita01tx for sorting out chapter 10 for me! Anyway, hope you all enjoy it! Thanks, Abbie**

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Home.

The drive home was long and tiresome, made all the more tortuous by endless highways and dark, twisting, country roads. It was as they drove down one of the latter that Sue asked the question Bella had been expecting since she had sunk into the passenger seat over an hour ago. She commended Sue on her patience for holding out this long.

"Where have you been, Bella?"

The hurt present in Sue's tone made her heart ache. She had known running from what remained of her life in Forks would hurt those closest to her but, at the time, it had seemed like the only option.

"A lot of places," she answered simply.

She didn't know how to explain and she certainly didn't know how to make it all okay.

"Care to elaborate?" Sue prodded. With her eyes focused on the road ahead, she didn't notice the pain in her stepdaughter's expression.

"Not really," Bella admitted, reluctant to discuss this with her while trapped in the car. "But I owe you that much, at least."

"You don't owe me anything, sweetheart," Sue replied kindly. "I've just been so worried about you."

The guilt clenching her insides doubled at the comment and she looked down at her feet in the foot well. Both bags sat at her feet and she stared at them as she tried to come up with an explanation for her behavior. However; now that she was thinking clearly for the first time in months, she realized nothing could justify it.

"I was so stupid, Sue," she began, tears welling up in her eyes before she had even truly begun to explain. "I let him to get to me. I let Jacob hurt me."

"Sweetheart, you didn't let him do anything. He chose to sleep with that woman. It was his choice to do that. You didn't do anything wrong."

Bella hated being reminded about what Jake had done, especially of how he'd hurt her when he had sworn he never would.

"I know it was his choice," she replied. "But it was my fault, too. if I had actually paid attention, I would have seen the signs before it happened."

Sue scoffed and Bella jerked her head up, startled she had elicited such an angry response.

"You were grieving," she countered. "You don't get to feel bad about what Jacob did. Don't you worry a moment longer about Jacob, Bella! He won't come anywhere near you, if he knows what's good for him."

Bella felt her spirit lift just a little at the hint of a threat in Sue's voice. She had known Sue was a woman not to be messed with. After all, she'd raised Leah and that girl instilled fear in all the men she shared the pack with.

"Anyway, Jacob may have been the reason you left but that doesn't explain where you've been all this time."

Bella cringed, knowing she had no choice but to be honest. Sue would sniff out a lie almost instantly so there really was no point.

"I went in a bad direction," Bella began. "I did some things I'm not exactly proud of."

Sue swallowed and Bella could tell hearing these words had made her stepmother nervous, probably anticipating the worst, and she would be right.

"I took drugs," she admitted. "And I drank…a lot."

That was the simplest way to explain and the best way to avoid a barrage of questions.

"Oh, my, sweetheart…"

"That's not all," she interrupted before she could lose her nerve. "I got hooked pretty quickly and…uh, I overdosed about three weeks ago. You would think having my stomach pumped would deter me but it didn't. Not in the least. If anything, it made me want to do it even more. I thought, maybe…if I just took that little bit too much, I wouldn't have to live with this pain anymore. With that goal in mind, I wasn't too surprised when it happened again just over a week ago."

Sue was frowning hard at the road ahead as if she couldn't quite bring herself to believe everything she was hearing. Bella could see her hurt in her eyes and hurried to explain how she had begun to overcome such an all-consuming addiction. Not that she was truly free from it; addiction lasted a lifetime and only time would tell if she was destined to avoid its hold on her indefinitely.

"When I woke up," she continued. "Dr. Cullen was there."

Sue's sharp intake of breath was enough to signal her understanding of the situation. Most people in Forks and La Push knew of the Cullens, of her past relationship with the family, and Sue knew better than most.

"I was frantic to get away," she explained. "I couldn't face him…any of them. Not after everything. They didn't give me that choice, though."

Sue's hands gripped the steering wheel just a fraction tighter as Bella related the last week of her life.

Bella continued, "I had a panic attack and he administered a sedative."

"I'm pretty sure that isn't the protocol for a panic attack," Sue sneered, anger at Carlisle clear in her tone.

With a short, breathy, laugh, Bella carried on with her story. She had to get it all out now or she would lose the courage to continue.

"I'm pretty sure it's not either but he did it all the same. Anyway, I woke up in the early hours of the morning in a bed at their house and basically never set foot outside until this morning. It's not what you think, though. They actually did help me. It might have been forced on me but I'm grateful all the same. I feel good, Sue. I feel free."

Sue glanced towards her for a moment before putting her eyes back on the road.

"Okay, for that, then…and only that, I'm glad they found you," she sighed.

Bella thought for a moment before replying, "Well, I'm not glad! I had to see _him_ again."

Sue's expression darkened instantly.

"Oh, really? And what did he have to say for himself?" she growled, hatred and anger rolling off her in waves. Like Bella's father, Sue was not a fan of Edward Cullen.

"Lots of things, actually," she began. Having to repeat his words would cause her more hurt than she could probably cope with, in that moment, but she did it anyway. "He apologized…a lot. He told me he left to protect me and that he never stopped loving me."

Reliving that admission, she squeezed her eyes shut tight and allowed her tears to fall. She really didn't know how to process the words of the man she still loved, nor did she know how to let it all go, but she would never stop trying.

"Oh," Sue replied. "That's not quite what I imagined he would say."

Bella shook her head and the conversation died there. She turned her attention to the window and watched as the trees blurred into a mess of brown and green. As she focused her mind on studying the scenery, her tears gradually subsided and she found herself fighting against sleep. It was a losing battle, of course. After all, today had been a long and draining day. Everything that had occurred with him this morning had exhausted her emotionally and the journey to get back to Washington had exhausted her physically. Inevitably, the motion of the car caused her to slip into the welcoming embrace of sleep.

She wasn't even aware they had arrived home, much less how she had gotten into her old bed. Confusion greeted her as the morning sunlight seeped into the room through the gap in the curtains. Her eyes blinked several times to adjust to the brightness. Noticing she was still dressed but tucked underneath her own purple comforter, Bella's face lit up in a smile. She was home. She wasn't trapped in the Cullens' house anymore; she was actually free. Sounds of laughter drifted up from downstairs, accompanied by an aroma that had her stomach making its emptiness known. The lunch she had pulled from the black rucksack really hadn't been enough to satisfy her hunger yesterday but that didn't matter now. She was home and that meant more food than she could ever hope to eat.

Visions of family and breakfast danced through her head as she left her room and followed the familiar hallway downstairs to the kitchen. Sue's house had a kitchen and dining room combined and, as she entered, her stepbrother smiled hugely and ran over to hug her tight. The warm comfort of the younger boy's arms encircling her made the hurt of the last few days melt away. She had missed them all so much, especially the youthful, careless joy of Seth's beautifully sunny personality.

"Seth, let your sister breathe," Sue chuckled as she moved from the stove to serve up the pancakes. The smell was amazing and her stomach rumbled uncomfortably. Seth released her then and hurried over for the pancakes only for his mother to slap his hand away when he tried to snag one.

"You've already eaten," she reminded him, sternly.

"But I'm still hungry," he whined.

Bella's smile hardly left her face as she settled herself beside Seth at the table and took the pancakes Sue offered. No sooner had she turned back towards the stove than Bella quickly passed two of the pancakes onto Seth's empty plate before tackling her own. Both plates were empty when Sue turned around again. She scanned the empty plates and rolled her eyes.

"He gets enough to eat without having yours, too, Bells," she admonished them both, knowing exactly what Bella had done without having witnessed it. Raising one eyebrow to emphasize how serious she was, Sue placed more pancakes onto Bella's plate.

"Eat your own breakfast, sweetheart. You need it more than he does."

Despite the warning, Bella stealthily forked over another pancake to her little brother before polishing off the others on her plate. It was as she had finished eating that she commented on one family member's absence.

"Where's Leah?" she questioned.

"Morning patrol," Seth replied, just as Sue settled herself down to eat her own breakfast.

"She'll be home soon," Sue added before moving to stand up again. "Oh, did you want some coffee?"

"Oh, God, yes!" Bella replied, urging Sue back down onto her chair. "But let me do it."

The idea of coffee made Bella deliriously happy and she jumped up from the table manoeuvring around the familiar space with ease. As she was pouring the boiling water into her mug, she heard the porch door creak open and slam closed. Putting the kettle down, she grabbed another cup to make Leah's usual coffee, as well as her own. When she turned back around and held out the mug to her sister, Leah's eyes widened in surprise, her smile becoming huge as she accepted the cup and took a sip.

"You look good, considering," she remarked as they both took seats back around the table.

Bella didn't know what to make of that comment until Sue's expression caught her eye. Their conversation in the car had obviously been shared.

"You told them?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Sue nodded. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I had to explain why you smelled like…well, the way you did."

Bella didn't reply. She didn't need to ask what Leah must have smelled on her to seek confirmation from her mother. The nose knows and wolf noses know the stench of vampires. Instead, she took a large swig of coffee and addressed Leah's comment in the hopes of redirecting the conversation away from that touchy topic.

"I will look better when you do something about my pink hair," she said, remembering the faded dye job with displeasure. It had been Leah who had helped her dye her hair in the first place and it would be Leah who would help her fix it. She was sure of that.

Leah laughed a little at the blatant hint. "Yeah, I'll see what I can do."

Bella smiled back and, from then on, the morning progressed as it had always done. Sue hurried Seth out the door just after eight o'clock while Bella helped clear the table and wash up after breakfast. The familiarity of this routine was a welcome thing for Bella. It made her feel secure and happy for the first time in a long while.

Once the kitchen was tidy, Bella retreated to change out of the clothes she had slept in. She climbed the stairs and entered the small box room, enjoying the wonderful feeling of being here. It had only been her room for a few weeks prior to her father's death but it had been a blissful sanctuary to her during those few weeks. As her eyes absorbed the comforting familiarity of the room around her, she reminisced about her life before she'd fled. One glaring truth was that she had been so wrapped up in her own head, she hadn't noticed the problems in her relationship with Jacob until it was too late.

She didn't want to think about Jake right now. Instead, she glanced around the room seeking distraction until her eyes fell onto her computer, the same one she had had in her old bedroom in Forks and brought here with her after the tragedy. She eyed the ancient technology distrustfully for a moment before making her decision. The chair protested with a little creak as she settled herself at the small desk. It took a while for the monitor to load the home screen and when the decrepit beast finally found its way back to life, she was greeted by a notification to update to Vista and another one informing her that her firewall software had recently expired. She gritted her teeth and bypassed the annoyance of these messages to open her web browser and load up her emails. While she was waiting, the soft rap of knuckles against the wooden frame announced Leah's presence at her door.

"Thought I'd find you here," she commented as she sauntered in to plop down on the edge of Bella's bed.

Bella looked away from her computer to smile at her stepsister.

"Where else would I be?" she shrugged.

"I dunno. There aren't many crack dens around here," Leah snorted.

Bella narrowed her eyes before shaking her head at Leah's typical lack of a verbal filter. She wasn't offended because she knew her sister never meant half the snide comments she made. Nevertheless, she attempted to appear hurt as she turned back to her computer. The screen had finished loading her emails by now. However, an error message had popped up and she sighed, having seen this kind of email before after numerous failed attempts to contact Alice in the months following their disappearance from her life.

"Don't sulk, Bells. You know I don't mean it," Leah snorted. "But, just so you know…there's one a few roads down."

Bella laughed at Leah's version of an apology but didn't turn to look at her. She was curious about the error message and poked around to discover the reason for it. As it turned out, the email she had assumed had been sent to Angela a few weeks back about her father's death hadn't gone out after all. Without a second thought, she ordered her emails to 'resend all.' It never occurred to her that, in that moment, she had royally screwed up. She went back to checking through her inbox when the notifications of redelivery began. One-by-one, emails that had failed to send many months ago were, at last, successfully delivered…to acullen me . com

Bella's blood ran cold as she realized what she had done; not what she had done, then and there, but what she had said to precipitate this. _"How could you not understand? Alice was my best friend; I emailed her every day after you all up and left. Of course, she never replied. I supposed that was you protecting me too, right?"_

"Bella, what's wrong?"

She barely registered Leah's question as she stared at her computer in abject horror. It was plainly obvious Alice had reactivated her previous email address in the hopes of reading the emails Bella had admitted to sending.

"Can you delete emails once you've sent them?" she asked, turning to face her sister, her eyes pleading for her to tell her what she so desperately wanted to hear.

"No," she shrugged, oblivious to Bella's predicament. "Why?"

Bella squeezed her eyes shut tight in the hopes of calming the panic bubbling up inside her.

"Because I'm pretty sure I just sent all those old emails to Alice Cullen."

Leah's eyes widened in shock. Of course, the older girl knew all about Bella's old habit of emailing her former best friend as a coping mechanism for the pain their leaving had caused. There wasn't much she and Bella hadn't shared since becoming sisters through their parents' marriage.

"God, Bella! You're such a idiot," she groaned. "How the hell did you manage that?"

Stomping over to the computer, they attempted to undo Bella's actions together to prevent the Cullens having access to the outpouring of pain contained in those emails.

Little did they know, they were already too late.

* * *

It was in the class before lunch that Alice felt her Smart phone vibrating in her pocket. As tempted as she was to answer it, she knew she would get caught if she tried. It was better not to draw attention to herself while in school, especially since she didn't have Edward around to listen in. Her visions told her a lot but they couldn't tell her if people were getting a little too curious. She chose to ignore her cell phone even as it buzzed at a low volume nearly continuously for the rest of the class. By lunch time, she had been driven mad with curiosity and she pulled her phone from her pocket as soon as she had seated herself beside Jasper in the cafeteria.

Her email app icon now showed a little red bubble with white numbers on it indicating she had 72 new emails. She stared at her phone in shock for a just a moment before tapping the icon to discover the reason behind the sudden influx of mail. The list was all from one sender…Bella Swan.

Swallowing nervously at the same tag on all 72 emails, she scrolled to the first one and opened it. What she read there multiplied her guilt at what they had done tenfold.

 **Dear Alice, you've disappeared, like everything else. But who else can I talk to? I'm lost, Alice. When you left…and he left…you took everything with you, but the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest.**

Alice read and re-read the email which had originally been sent just a month after they had left. She honestly felt like, if it were at all possible, she would be crying her eyes out right now. Alarmed as he felt her mood crumbling away, Jasper glanced in her direction to see her unnaturally focused on the cell phone in her hands and frowned with worry.

"Alice," he whispered low enough to avoid the notice of the children surrounding them. "What's happening? What's wrong?"

Finding it impossible to tear her eyes away, Alice continued staring down at words that cut deep into her soul. They had caused this…all of them. Not just her brother. They had all hurt Bella in ways they could never atone for.

"You know Bella mentioned emailing me?" she reminded him, bringing the overheard conversation into his mind. He nodded, unable to forget even if he wanted to.

"They weren't there when you checked, though, right?" he asked, remembering how she had gone straight to her laptop to reactivate her account after hearing Bella's statement only to be disappointed.

"No, they weren't," she told him. "But they are now. She must have done something…see for yourself."

Handing Jasper her phone, she watched his eyes darken as he read the words of the heartbroken teenager they had left behind.

"I need to go home, Jazz," she whimpered. "I need to do what I should have done a long time ago."

He nodded and they both looked up to find the curious stares of their siblings. Jasper spoke low, explaining that they were leaving right away. Rose and Emmett watched them go but waited a while before following after them. If they all left at once, it would draw unwanted attention to them.

Rising from their seats a few minutes later, Rose pulled her own phone from her pocket and saw that Bella still hadn't replied to her first message. Instead of texting her again to question what had just happened, she chose to leave her be. She had promised her that much and she would stick to her promise even if she was sure, now that Alice had those emails and an insight into Bella's emotional state after they had left, that the others wouldn't be so respectful.


	11. Love Whats Good For You

**Thanks for all the support for this story so far! You are all amazing! Special thanks to Rita01tx for being her amazing self and not only betaing but also inspiring me to add another chunk to this chapter! Also in case anyone noticed, the email from the last chapter and the first two from this chapter are taken from the New Moon movie.**

* * *

Love What's Good For You.

 **October 10** **th** **2005**

 **Time passes. Every tick that goes by…aches…like the pulse of blood behind a bruise…but in a way I'm glad. The pain is my only reminder that he was real, that you all were.**

Alice was seated in the middle of her bed with her laptop resting on her lap. She had locked herself away upstairs the moment they had returned home and left Jasper to explain what had happened. Even knowing her brother was listening as she read the many emails, she didn't stop. They both needed to know and understand the pain they had inflicted on Bella these past two years.

Most of the emails explained the eighteen-year-old's pain in the months following their departure from her life until the tone of her emails began to change with the appearance of Jacob Black…

 **January 20** **th** **2006**

 **Dear Alice, I wish I had your real address. I wish I could tell you about Jake. He makes me feel better. I mean he makes me feel alive. The hole in my chest, well…when I'm with Jake…it's like it's almost healed for a while.**

Despite the relief reading those words gave her, Alice was more than a little concerned about her friend's dependence on yet another man. Clearly, Bella had been far too dependent on her brother but then, she reasoned, being separated from one's mate was not a pleasant experience. Even now, when Alice knew Jasper was only a few feet away, it was difficult to be separated from him. She could only imagine how bad that pain would be for a human being...

 **February 24** **th** **2006**

 **Jake won't talk to me. He won't answer my calls…I don't understand, Alice. I don't know what I did. Am I just that bad? Am I destined to drive everyone away eventually?**

Alice shook her head at what she could have predicted would happen. Jacob's desertion caused Bella such pain. Granted, not the same as Edward's leaving had engendered, but still…painful enough. She tried to shake the bad feeling about her friend's relationship with Black but it lingered even as she read on...

 **March 10** **th** **2006**

 **Alice, it's okay again. Well…if you call your friend turning into a rather large dog okay. I'm not sure that that constitutes as such but, all the same, Jake's back in my life and everything's starting to feel good again.**

Of course, Bella had made friends with something even more dangerous than vampires almost as soon as they had left. Alice sighed. Trust her old friend to think nothing of the fact that the man she cared for was dangerous. She read on with the emails knowing Bella was fine and hadn't been seriously injured in any way from her close relationship with the wolves. For that, at least, she was grateful…

 **March 12** **th** **2006**

 **She's here…Victoria. Turns out she's been keeping Jake and the pack busy for weeks! I should be scared, I know that, but her being here…it just reminds me that you were all real. How can I be scared of that?**

Alice's breath hitched as she read this email. Victoria. Now, Bella had admitted Victoria had made an appearance in her life, despite their leaving, but it was still difficult to read that, even after everything, Bella had been grateful for their enemy's appearance in her life, all because she had reminded her of them. A deep sadness crushed Alice's chest at the notion her friend was clearly losing her grip on reality if Victoria didn't scare her…

 **June 11** **th** **2006**

 **I graduated today. My mom came down from Phoenix and she cried so much. I think Charlie is still a little in shock about the whole thing. I really don't think he expected me to actually graduate after everything. Well, he has every reason to think that way, I suppose. I very nearly didn't. Oh, well…**

Nearly didn't graduate? Alice felt ill once again. They really had damaged the poor girl beyond recognition if the wonderfully intelligent young woman had struggled to even graduate high school…

 **October 6** **th** **2006**

 **I should be finding this hard. I should be having trouble with the fact that I can't leave Forks and accept my college offers. But then I just think…do I really want to leave? What if I leave and then he can't find me? That's stupid, I know. He doesn't love me….he told me as much! But I just can't shake the feeling he** _ **will**_ **come back one day.**

This was the email that broke her brother. She heard his whimper of pain and sorrow but refused to allow it to break her concentration. She needed to read them; she owed Bella that much. As she read through each one in turn, she became convinced that, if she had received the emails when they'd been sent, none of this would have happened. They would have returned to Forks and they would have put this all right. They would have been there for Bella...

 **March 2** **nd** **2007**

 **Alice, we have a plan for Victoria. It's all happening very soon. Can't say more than that but she will die…I will make sure of it.**

Alice didn't really know what to make of this email. She wondered again why she hadn't seen any of this coming since, clearly, Bella had been a part of the decision making process. She didn't understand how she hadn't seen it all! It was very frustrating for her. Even more so when she read the next email...

 **March 4** **th** **2007**

 **She gone. I can hardly believe it but she's gone. I watched her burn, Alice. She's really gone. I'm actually free.**

If Bella had been involved in the plot to end Victoria's life, Alice most definitely should have seen it. Her frustration continued to grow as she read the last few emails...

 **March 5** **th** **2007**

 **Celebrated the victory with Jake and the guys tonight…it was really fun. Just wish we hadn't kissed… I just drank too much. That's what I'm telling myself, anyway. Truth is, though, I know I need to move on. I need to let myself move on. Jake's been asking me out for a while now and I…I think I'm going to say yes.**

The sounds of distress from downstairs increased as her brother's emotional state deteriorated further. Alice continued to read in spite of this.

 **March 20** **th** **2007**

 **I thought things would get better if I let myself move on. I thought I could do it and not feel this hurt…this shame…but I'm not destined to be free of him. Am I? He didn't want me though…and I understand that. What I don't understand is why I can't just let myself be free. After everything he did, I owe him nothing! But when Jake kissed me again today and more…I just felt shame. I felt sick to my stomach…like what I was doing was just so wrong. How do I move on, Alice? How do I let go of him when I still love him so much?**

Her brother finally crumbled at the pain Bella's email contained. She knew that if he could, he would be sobbing at this information. She paused then, and thought towards him.

 _Do you need me to stop?_

She didn't want to stop reading but she could sense the pain it was causing him and although he deserved it, she still didn't like to inflict it on him or Jasper.

"No," his voice was strained and full of emotion he couldn't fully part with, "I did this, Alice. I need to know as much as you do."

With his consent, she read Bella's final emails…

 **April 31** **st** **2007**

 **I did it. With Jake…like** _ **did it.**_ **I wish I could talk to you, Alice. I need my best friend today. We got carried away and he really doesn't hold back like your brother used too…I didn't think it would happen just like that, but then it did. Don't get me wrong, it was good…more than good. But when he went home, and I was alone…I just looked at myself in the mirror and I felt sick…I can't believe I gave Jake the one thing that's always belonged to your brother. At least…I had hoped it would. I cried for a long time tonight…I really thought I would be over all this by now, it's been over a year. But no… I have sex once and I have to shower for an hour and forty minutes just to feel better about it. I'm so angry, Alice….I just want to be free.**

Edward's heart broke anew and Alice was aware that Carlisle had now joined him in his room. He was attempting to comfort him, but he was protesting. He deserved the hurt and the pain and as he told their father, he would endure it. A small knock on her bedroom door proceeded her mother's appearance, she was cautious but patient in explaining her arrival, at least Alice demanded her patience if only for a moment. Esme could wait while she read one last email…

 **May 2** **nd** **2007**

 **Do you know, my dad said to me once that I needed to learn to love what was good for me. It has taken me a while to see it but…Jacob is what's good for me. Your brother clearly isn't…I will never stop loving your brother but I need to let myself love Jake now. Your brother is my past…I need to let Jake be my future. I love you, Alice. I will never forget you…any of you.**

Attached to the final email was a photo of Bella and the attractive man Jacob Black had grown to be. Alice could understand why her friend had been drawn to him. He had a warm smile and looked at her with such devotion…she really could see why Bella had forced herself to "love what was good for her." Although Bella smiled in the photo, the dark circles underneath her eyes she had attempted to hide beneath a layer of concealer told a different story. In this photo, her hair was still all brown and she had only earrings and a stud in her nose. She was staring ahead at the person holding the camera, smiling as Jacob looked sideways at her, admiration and adoration shining in his eyes. He had clearly been very much in love with her old friend.

As she studied this little insight into Bella's life after them, she wondered what could have happened between them that was so bad that Bella had had to run away from her seemingly good life in La Push. She was nearly lost to her own imagination when Esme cleared her throat to draw Alice's attention onto her.

"I know you're angry with him," her mother began, "and I understand that, but he needs you."

Her soft urging voice caused Alice to uncross her legs and rise from her position on the bed. She didn't resist Esme's request since she had heard her brother's increasing pain and knew that she was the only one in the vicinity that understood and could help in any way to relieve his pain. She found him in his room, Carlisle sat beside him muttering reassurances that her brother didn't deserve.

"I know I don't, Alice," Edward stated when he heard the direction of her thoughts.

Carlisle sighed unhappily and left the room within moments of Alice's arrival.

"I know I deserve this," her brother said then, continuing with his previous thought process.

 _You made us leave her, I should have never listened to you…_

"I know," he replied, "believe me I know all of this, Alice. I made her feel that way, I caused all of that pain, all of that suffering…"

 _Yes, and I did too...We all did._

"She loves him," he commented then, his voice was small and pained by this development.

 _I think 'loved' is more the term, Edward, she left La Push for a reason and I'm betting that reason is him._ She thought as she settled herself down to sit on the floor next to him. Her brothers eyes met hers then and for the first time in a very long time she saw hope. The vision hit her then.

 _Brown hair shinnying red in the late afternoon sun indicated that Bella was the woman facing away from her. Her brother's smile was huge as he studied her approach. The hem of her thin white top caught the breeze and swayed. He was there beside her then, his hands skimmed the bare skin of her forearms and they sighed almost in time with one another as if touching was as much a relief as it was to finally take a breath after being underwater that bit too long. Her eyes rose up to meet his and she smiled a dainty smile that made his whole face alight with emotion. As she studied his face for a few seconds, her eyes filled with an emotion that he understood well. Her hands reached up into his hair and entwined there, before forcing him to meet her in a kiss._

Alice resurfaced from the vision and found her brother staring curiously at her. She thought on it for a moment until she had a thought that made her heart lift for her brother and for herself.

"Her father told her to love what was good for her," she spoke out loud for the first time since joining him, "You need to be what's good for her…"

~oOo~

As Alice was busy musing over how best to reply to her old friends emails in the hopes of bringing about her vision, Bella was frantically working at deactivating her account in the hopes of never receiving those replies.

Leah lounged on the bed behind her laughing merrily at the other girl's increasingly panicked state.

"Surely, there are worse things than Cullen reading your lovesick emails, Bella," she snickered as Bella finalized the deactivating of her now previous email account. "And it's not like you ever have to see any of them again."

Bella swiveled around on her chair and glared at her stepsister. Leah was right, of course. There certainly were worse things but it was the last thing she needed right now. She didn't want Alice to know how she had felt all that time and she especially didn't want any of them reading about the beginnings of her sex life. Imagining two particular heads, or rather minds, ingesting that particular email caused her to blush deeply.

"What I do know is, if they get their way," she explained. "I _will_ see them again, at some point. There's no way they will just leave me alone forever. They like interfering too much for that."

Leah sat up, her dark eyes clouded with anger.

"Trust me, Swan," she declared. "Treaty or no treaty, they do anything to you again you don't want, we'll make them wish they hadn't."

Bella swallowed hard. Having seen the pack in action, she understood exactly the kind of damage they could inflict. She may not like the Cullens right now but she didn't want them to die. Yes, she was angry and, yes, she wanted to scream and shout…a lot, but she didn't want anyone to get hurt because of her.

"I really hope that that isn't necessary," she grimaced. "But thanks."

Leah nodded, saying no more on the subject. However, she didn't remain silent for long. Just as Bella was about to return to the computer, she spoke again.

"I'm really sorry I made you leave," she apologized, her eyes turning from rage to hurt in a matter of seconds.

"What?" Bella exclaimed. "You didn't make me leave, Leah."

She got up from her chair and approached her bed. Hovering for a moment or two, she flopped into the space beside Leah.

"I shouldn't have told you about…"

"Shut up, right now!" Bella snapped, interrupting her sister. "I would've been far more pissed off if you _hadn'_ t told me! You did nothing wrong, Leah, and I certainly did nothing wrong. Jacob is the only one who did anything wrong here."

Leah bobbed her head once in acknowledgement.

"You know, the other guys…" she started to explain. "They hurt him for it. He's okay but they've all lost respect for him. You mean so much to every one of them that they hated the mess he caused. They don't understand how he could ever have done what he did. Hell, you two might as well have been imprints, for God's sake!"

Bella studied her crossed feet as she mulled over what Leah had just told her. She didn't like the idea of the pack treating Jake any differently after everything that had happened between them. It wasn't entirely his fault, after all.

"We weren't like that, Leah." Bella protested. "We really weren't. I never loved him as much as I should have."

Leah frowned in puzzlement.

"There wasn't enough left of my heart to share," she continued. "I hate what he did and I hate him for doing it but I understand why. He isn't stupid, Leah. He knew I didn't love him the same way he loved me. If the Cullens hadn't left…if they'd come back, me and Jake…we never would've happened. I would've given him up for them in a heartbeat."

Leah was quiet for a few moments as she absorbed Bella's words.

"And what about now?" she asked. "Would you give us all up for them?"

Bella heard the disgust in Leah's voice but hoped her reply would help soothe the underlying hurt.

"Of course, not," she swore. "I haven't felt that way in a long time. All I meant by it was that Jake put up with being second best all through our relationship and he didn't deserve it."

Leah sighed before replying. "Maybe so but you didn't deserve it, either."

"I know," Bella agreed. "We're both victims of the other's bad choices."

Leah hitched herself to the head of the bed, leaned her back against the wall and looked over at Bella.

"You're really melodramatic sometimes…you know that, don't you?"

Bella's lips twisted in humor. "Yeah, you may have mentioned it once or twice."

"Oh, good. As long as you're aware."

Bella smiled and turned to meet her sister's gaze. "I missed you," she stated simply.

"Ha! Who wouldn't!" Leah crowed, sticking her tongue out, flashing the tiny, silver stud that still shocked her poor mother.

"I'm serious," Bella told her. "I really did miss you."

Leah's features settled into a serious expression. "Well, next time, don't pull a vanishing act on me."

Bella knew her face must have appeared guilty. It certainly felt like it, anyway. She really did regret leaving. She regretted hurting the people who cared about her most. It had never been her intention to cause any of her family pain. If Renee hadn't thrown her out, she probably would have just stayed in Jacksonville and kept in contact with her family in La Push.

If only she hadn't been caught with that coke. It had been the tiniest bag…hardly noticeable, but her mother had simply refused to listen…

 _December 2008_

 _Her mother's face was livid, the small, clear plastic bag pinched between two fingers held out in front of her with an air of accusation. Bella stared at it and cocked one eyebrow._

" _It's old, Mom," she snorted dismissively._

 _The expression on Renee's face darkened further still._

" _I understand you've been in a bad place, sweetheart," she acknowledged. "But this… this is unacceptable. How long have you been doing this?"_

 _Bella rolled her eyes in annoyance, wishing she'd never added her coat to the pile for dry cleaning._

" _I don't use it like_ that," _she replied. "It's from a party I went to ages ago."_

" _Why would you wear your coat to a party, Bella?" Her mother questioned, refusing to let the subject die._

 _Bella frowned, the answer seeming obvious to her._

" _It was Forks," she argued. "You know…the place where coats become a second skin? Mom, I swear I haven't used it since then."_

" _How can I believe that? The smoking, the drinking, all those piercings, and don't even get me started on the tattoo! Honestly, Bella; you're my daughter but I barely know you at all anymore. I can't and I don't believe you."_

 _Bella's face fell._

" _Wait…so, I get a tattoo and have the odd cigarette and that makes you not trust me anymore? You're my mom! You're supposed to love me, no matter what I do. You're supposed to trust me."_

" _I have two daughters, now, sweetheart," she pointed out. "And I can't have this…" She indicated the bag, shaking it in Bella's face for emphasis. "…in my house!"_

" _Then, just throw it away!" Bella exclaimed. "I haven't used it in months!"_

 _Her mom shook her head at the suggestion._

" _And what if Sophia had gotten hold of it?"_

 _Bella seethed with resentment at such a ridiculous notion. She may have only met her sister recently but that didn't mean she didn't care. She cared a lot for her unexpected half-sister and would never risk the infant's life. She understood, to a degree, the protective nature of new mothers but, really? Her baby sister was less than five months old…hardly a mobile age!_

" _She can't even crawl, yet!" Bella shouted. "How exactly was she going to do that?"_

 _Her mother's eyes flashed in anger and Bella knew she'd gone too far. What she failed to realize was just how far her mother was prepared to go._

" _I don't even know you anymore. My own daughter…" Her bearing did not portray anger but it was there, simmering underneath her words. "You need to leave."_

" _What?" Bella replied incredulously, her voice losing all power as her eyes clouded with hurt. She really didn't want to leave. "But I only just got here."_

" _You coming here was a mistake," her mother stated. "If I'd known you were no longer the sweet, innocent girl who left…if I'd had any idea how much you'd changed, and not for the better, I wouldn't have invited you."_

 _Bella's eyes stung with unshed tears at everything her mother was saying. Of course, she wasn't that girl anymore. She was three years older than she'd been when she left Phoenix and twenty felt a whole lot different than seventeen. Not that age had brought about her change…it was purely down to men. Two men, to be exact. She hated the person she was now and it hurt to hear her mother confirm her suspicion that nobody would, or ever could, love her, no matter what._

" _Everybody changes, Mom," she cried, tears now staining her cheeks. "I may have changed but I promise I haven't used that stuff in weeks. I swear, I'm not an addict, Mom. It was just one time."_

 _Not that her mother was even listening, at this point. Or, maybe she simply didn't care about anything her daughter had to say._

" _I have to protect Sophia," Renee declared in defense of her next actions. "You need to go, now."_

 _She thrust the clear bag back into the pocket she'd gotten it from and handed it to her eldest daughter._

" _I can't go back to Forks, Mom," she whimpered. "I have nowhere to go."_

 _Indifferent to Bella's emotional state, Renee left her alone in the hall to cry before appearing a few minutes later with her daughter's backpack in hand. She refused to meet her daughter's gaze as she dumped it at her feet._

" _I need you to leave," she repeated._

 _Bella cried for hours after leaving her mother's house. The pain proved too much for her to handle and she wound up sitting in a nearby park chugging back half a bottle of Jack Daniels she'd talked a pimply faced, convenience store clerk into letting her buy and finishing off that damned bag of coke. She had told her mother the truth; it had only been an experiment at a party. But, now, all she wanted was to feel nothing…drugs and alcohol made her feel nothing._

 _She swigged another mouthful of whiskey and rose unsteadily from the bench, her decision made. Screwing the lid back on her drink, put it into her bag and stumbled her way to the Amtrak train station on Clifford Lane, a ten-minute walk from where she sat. She wasn't drunk but the alcohol definitely affected her already poor coordination so it took her a little longer than ten minutes._

 _By the time Bella arrived at the station, she was feeling wonderfully warm from the drink sloshing around inside her stomach. Without giving much thought on where to go, she simply got on the first train leaving the station._

 _As she left for…well, she wasn't entirely sure of her destination, she tried her best not to think about what had happened with her mother or anything else that had happened in the weeks before. In that moment, she looked towards her future and wondered what would become of her now._

If only she could have prevented it all from happening and from going so badly wrong. It had though, and she couldn't change that. She didn't blame her mother, or Jacob, or even Edward. She didn't blame anyone but herself. She'd had the choice and the consequences were all on her.

She and Leah chatted away most of the morning up in her bedroom. They were just killing time but, as the hours passed, Bella began to feel increasingly tired. She yawned just as Leah threw her last cigarette butt into the trash can across the room, her aim as accurate as her perception.

Had Bella yawned on a normal day, it wouldn't have raised any flags but today wasn't a normal day and Leah was quick to call her out on it.

"You tired?" she asked, suspicion clear in her eyes.

Bella wasn't sure what had brought on such a reaction.

"Maybe a little bit but I'm pretty sure I'll get through until tonight."

Leah shook her head. "Nah, you should sleep. You're probably still getting over everything."

"Honestly, I'm fine," Bella protested.

"Yeah, you're always fine," Leah sighed. "Listen, I'm gonna go…you take a nap."

Seeing the protest in Bella's eyes, she added. "If you make it more than half an hour without falling asleep, I'll give you ten bucks."

Bella didn't earn Leah's ten dollars. The bed was too comfortable and she was too exhausted to resist. Unfortunately, she didn't get to sleep near long enough. Early that evening, she woke blurry-eyed to the sounds of raised voices coming from downstairs.

"She doesn't want to talk you!" she heard Leah shout.

Bella was instantly on edge. Yesterday, she had escaped one ex-boyfriend. Now, she was pretty sure she was about to come face-to-face with the other one.

Yes, she was anxious but she had survived Edward; she would certainly survive Jacob. And, really, it couldn't be any worse…right?


	12. The Other Ex

**Hi all! I'll save the chat for later lol Enjoy...**

* * *

The Other Ex

When it came to facing an ex-boyfriend, Bella was convinced she had already dealt with the worst of it. Seeing Edward a few days ago had very nearly broken her and, although seeing Jacob again might have a similar effect, she doubted it would be as bad. At least, that's what she was thinking as she made her way downstairs. However, one glance at his thunderous face and suddenly she wasn't so sure. Standing across from him in the small room, wearing old clothes and sporting serious bed hair, she didn't feel at all prepared to have the discussion she knew was coming.

"If you want to talk, I understand," she said, summoning courage from somewhere deep inside of herself. "We can talk but, after that, you need to stay away from me."

His eyes burned with a fury she had never seen directed at her before and the hair on the back of her neck rose in fear. She wasn't drunk right now and she knew that was why she wasn't quite so fearless anymore. She might not be the meek teenager Jacob had fallen for, but right then. she wasn't quite Leah either. Instead of letting her fear show, she quickly urged him out of the house towards the back porch, Leah's pointed stare roughly translating as 'I'm here if you need me.' Jake's chest heaved with the intense emotion he must have been fighting to suppress as he followed her out onto the porch and she knew from his body language that this wasn't going to be a pleasant chat.

Once out on the porch, she took control of the situation.

"What do you want, Jacob?" she asked hurriedly, keen to get this over with.

"Back to 'Jacob' now, are we?" he spat.

"Well…what did you expect?" she snorted, defending her name choice. "I don't see you as the same person anymore. My Jake wouldn't have done what you did."

"Your Jake? Don't make me laugh, Bella," he sneered, his ire evident in his expression and tone. "I was never yours, just like you were never mine. You were always _his_."

Heavy with guilt, Bella lowered her head. She had always done her best to give herself over fully to Jacob but she had known she hadn't always succeeded.

"I wanted to be yours," she told him. "I thought that counted for something. I thought you cared about me. I thought you loved me. Despite what you think, I did love you. I still do but…what you did. I couldn't handle it. I can't handle it. Just the thought fills me with hurt and rage that I don't know how to handle. If I hadn't ever loved you, I wouldn't feel this way. You must understand that, at least."

"I do," he stated. "But it doesn't change how we were. Everyone thought we were it for each other but I know you didn't love me as much as you claim. You think it didn't hurt every time you hesitated to touch me? Every time I could see you subtly pulling away only to force yourself to keep going?"

"I had been thinking of ending it all for a while…" he continued, his voice softening as he explained his feelings. "But I couldn't do that to you. I didn't want to hurt you…I had promised so many times I would never hurt you like _he_ did but I failed. I am sorry for what I did but I don't deserve to be treated like an outcast because of everyone's false assumptions about us."

"If you had wanted to end it, why didn't you?" she questioned. "Why didn't you just break up with me and we could have just been friends? I would have understood."

"How could I break up with you?" he demanded. "Your father had just died and I was all you had. I couldn't do that…not then."

"So, cheating was the better alternative?" She was angry herself, now. How dare he come here and defend his actions as if it was somehow entirely her fault. It wasn't her fault the Cullens had left. It wasn't her fault her relationship with Jake had always been doomed.

"No! That's not what I meant. I just…I was drunk, Bella. I was drunk and she looked just enough like you for my mind to see you." he defended, his voice turning from anger to bitter hatred. "Well, except she actually wanted me. You certainly never wanted me. You just used me to get over _him._ "

"That's not fair, Jacob," she argued. "I did want you. I wouldn't have done those things with you if I hadn't."

He shook his head dismissively.

"Don't, Bella," he replied, now appearing more guilt ridden than angry. "I know I shouldn't have cheated but I just couldn't do it anymore. All I wanted was someone to want me. Isn't that what you've always wanted, too?"

Bella's dropped her eyes to hide her pain.

"Look," he explained. "I know what I did was stupid and wrong and I can't blame it on drink or anything else but it was a mistake."

She nodded once, absorbing Jake's words but not accepting anything he had to say.

"It doesn't matter whether you meant to or not. You did it, it can't be undone, and I can't let it go. We'll never mean the same to each other again…not that either of us even want it anymore, but you were my best friend…my everything…and I lost everything when you betrayed me."

"I mean…" she continued. "All you had to do was tell me how you felt and I would have understood, damn it."

No longer wishing to see his face, Bella turned her back on him.

"I am so sorry," he groaned, almost pleading now. "I truly never meant to hurt you. It was just a mistake. Tell me you've never made a mistake before, Bella."

"Oh, I've made plenty," she replied, turning back around to face him. "But not ones that hurt others like that."

"No," he replied, and she could see his previous anger and bitterness returning tenfold. "You're just all noble and self-sacrificing, aren't you, Bella? Especially for bloodsuckers! I was right all those years ago, I guess. I'm not the right kind of monster for you."

"What are even you talking about?" she asked, confused by the direction their conversation had gone.

"The Cullens," he spat, causing her to flinch. "Leah phased earlier, while you were sleeping, and I know everything you said to her. You would've given everything up for them, including us. You think you are so much better than all of us with your precious leeches! All your sacrifices for them, the ones you made and the ones you would have, mean nothing. They don't give a shit about you, Bella. They haven't come after you and they never will."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she shouted, seething with anger herself, now. "I don't give a damn if they come back or not, Jacob. I am done…done with _him_ and most definitely done with you!"

"Honestly, Bella, you can lie to a lot of people," he argued. "But you sure as hell can't lie to me and I definitely know you well enough to see through your bullshit. You would go running back to him in a heartbeat if he asked. Oh, no wait…your precious _Edward_ doesn't HAVE a heartbeat! You're so pathetic, Bella. You fucking disgust me."

The vitriol Jake was spewing hit her hard. This was the man she had shared some of her most intimate moments with, both mentally and physically, and it hurt deeply to have him speak to her that way. She didn't know how to respond and, by the time she had gathered her thoughts enough to form a coherent answer, Jacob had already turned as if to leave. She couldn't let him go thinking he had gotten to her…that he had won.

"You think you know me so well," she scoffed, anger bubbling beneath her words. "But you really don't know me at all. I had a chance to stay with him yesterday but I couldn't wait to leave. I have absolutely no intention of _running back to him_!"

He snorted and shook his head at her, continuing out the door.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, Jacob Black!" she screamed. "You don't get to treat me this way! You're the one in the wrong here! Not me!"

He glared back over his shoulder, his black eyes cutting her deeper than anything he had said to her. The intensity of his stare, the sheer hatred contained in it, left her feeling exposed, raw and so unbelievably hurt.

"I'll treat you the way you deserve," he snarled before leaving her sight for good.

She was about ten seconds away from crumbling into a deep pit of self-pity, as she always tended to do, when Leah came to her rescue.

"You want me to go kick his ass?" she volunteered, ready and willing to do it right there and then.

Bella shook her head. "I just want to forget this ever happened."

"We can do that," Leah told her with a hint of a smile. "I'm sure the other guys will let him have it later…"

Bella didn't hear another word, too busy trying to figure out how to erase her painful encounter with Jake from her memory to pay much attention. Her mind began heading in a dangerous direction and it took everything she had to resist the lure of her previous temptations.

Seeming to sense her internal battle, Leah quickly suggested her own go to solution.

"Ben and Jerrys?" she suggested, to which Bella nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

As she sat with a cold, caramel covered spoon stuck to her tongue watching Bridget Jones's Diary, she realised there were better ways to mend a broken heart than drugs and alcohol. Had she recognised the power of ice cream, chick flicks and a good cry weeks ago, she probably wouldn't have run off to her mother's and ended up in the gutter. Her attention was brought back to the television just as Bridget quit her job and told Daniel, in no uncertain terms, where to go. Bella smiled at this scene. She wanted to be that woman…the kind of woman who could put men in their place, just like that. It was then she swore no man would be allowed to treat her like Jacob or Edward had, ever again.

When Sue finally came home from work, she walked over to the couch where Leah and Bella sat sharing another tub of ice cream. Without questioning their actions, she encouraged Leah to scooch over and settled herself beside her daughters. Leah handed her the tub without taking her eyes from the television. They were mid-way through the second film by the time Seth returned. He had had evening patrol after school and, as he sat on the arm beside Bella, her nose wrinkled at the smell rolling off of him. It had her feeling just a little sick and faint all at the same time.

"Not this shit again," he muttered when he realised what was on the television.

"Language," Sue responded, offering her son the tub of ice cream regardless. "No one's making you watch it."

Despite his snide comments, Seth stayed where he was, happily working his way through the remainder of the ice cream and slyly watching the film when he thought no one was looking. Of course, it wasn't long before he gave himself away.

"God, they fight like girls," he snickered.

Bella giggled at her little brother. "Yes, they do."

It was then the smell she had noticed before caught her attention again and her stomach lurched, a feeling she was all too familiar with. She realised what the smell was then, like rust and salt.

"Why do you smell like blood?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.

His eyes widened, the spoon paused on its way to his mouth. He held it there for a few seconds, completely stunned, while a tiny drip fell back into the tub.

"You can _smell_ blood?" he gasped in shock.

She nodded and repeated her question. She had a hunch but she didn't want to presume. It was on him to explain.

"Why do you smell like blood, Seth?"

"But humans can't smell blood," he muttered to himself.

She sensed the curious gazes of Leah and Sue turning in their direction but she wasn't deterred. By now, Bridget and her poor relationship choices had long been forgotten.

"Well, I can," she replied, getting up from the sofa. "You're not the first person to think I'm crazy but I can. Now, please tell me why you have blood on you."

Seth remained speechless, glancing warily at his sister once before explaining.

"We couldn't let him talk to you like that," he explained, bowing his head to avoid her gaze.

"What did you do, Seth?"

"Just needed to teach him a lesson," he confessed. "That's not how you treat women."

She sighed, her irritation growing.

"You shouldn't have done that," she hissed through clenched teeth. "I don't need you, or the pack, or anyone else to defend me! I can defend myself. You got that?"

Seth had the decency to look guilty but she was furious and turned away from him and the rest of her family to seek the sanctuary of her bedroom. She was so done with men…all men. She wasn't a helpless little lamb in need of protection; she was a fucking lioness and the next man who tried to do something for her when she didn't need or ask for it was sure as hell going to hear her roar. Her chest rose and fell rapidly as she sat down on her bed trying to get a handle on her anger. Seth didn't deserve her rage and she didn't want to take it out on him any further so she tried to force herself to calm. Her hands went into her hair, nails grazing her scalp as she tried to relieve the stress without losing control of herself. She wanted to rage and scream, kick and punch the shit out of intimate objects, but she wouldn't do it. Her hands shook as they gripped onto her hair.

Her eyes were shut tight as she heard Leah enter the room. Taking in Bella's posture, she didn't comment but took the seat beside her, put her arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug before she could protest. Bella's head dropped against Leah's shoulder and she crumbled, her anger seeping away through her tears.

"Seth apologises," Leah told her after a few moments of silence had passed. "He thought he was protecting you."

Bella nodded her head before raising it up from her stepsister's shoulder.

"That's just the thing," she groaned. "I don't need protecting, Leah. You guys might think I'm weak because I'm human but I'm not. I'm stronger than anyone has ever given me credit for."

"I know that, Bella," she replied. "But, when Charlie married Mom, you gained a stepbrother who thinks he's doing right by you. It's chauvinistic, yes, but he thinks he's expected to defend his sister when someone hurts her."

Guilt settled in Bella's stomach. She was acting irrationally and she definitely wasn't being fair to Seth. He had been standing up for her only to be rewarded with her rage.

"I understand that, Leah," she stated. "But I don't want him to. I want to speak for myself and stand up for myself, brother or no brother. Men have been doing this to me for too long and I can't let it continue. I need to be strong and independent and fighting my own battles is where it starts."

Leah nodded. "Fine, but don't take it out on him. He's just a kid trying to be the man of the house now that your father isn't around to back you up. He knows what it feels like and how bad it sucks."

Mention of her father made Bella feel even worse. Seth and Leah had lost their own father a couple of years ago and it hadn't occurred to her that that might be the reason Seth was trying so hard to defend her. She stood and turned to Leah.

"You're right," she agreed and left her room.

She found a miserable Seth in his room down the hall and felt enormously guilty for putting such an expression on his face.

"Hey," she spoke, lingering in the doorway.

His eyes lifted towards her and he smiled shyly but didn't speak.

"I'm sorry," she started, once she had his attention. "I shouldn't take out my feelings on you. Everything with Jacob, it riled me up and..." she sighed.

"I know you were doing what you thought was right and I understand where you are coming from but I…I need to stand up for myself, Seth. I need to be brave and stop letting others speak and act for me. I have a voice and I need to be able to use it."

Seth smiled wider, appearing almost proud of her, and her spirit lifted.

"Damn straight, you do," he agreed, beaming now. "I never meant to offend you, Bella. Personally, I just wanted to hurt him."

She chuckled in agreement. After all, who didn't want to hurt him? He was a Class A arsehole. Most people thought so after everything that had happened between them. Seriously, who cheats on someone when their father has just died? She pushed that question from her mind since it didn't help to think about it.

"I promise, right here, right now, not to ever defend you without your consent again," he declared. "Better?"

She nodded, smiling widely before crossing the space between them to hug her brother. His warmth was a comfort but his smell certainly wasn't. Her nose wrinkled at the smell of blood and dirt just as Leah appeared in the doorway.

"Right," she began. "Now that you guys are okay again, can we go out, Bells? I'm bored stupid of this house."

Bella released her brother from her grasp and turned to her sister. "And go where? It's nearly nine o'clock and me and booze don't have a good relationship anymore."

Leah's face scrunched up as she considered their options. Seconds later, she looked up, her face alight with the beginnings of an idea forming in her head. Bella wasn't sure what to make of the mischief sparkling in her eyes but she already knew, whatever plan Leah conjured up, she was most definitely going to enjoy it.

* * *

She didn't enjoy it when she woke up the next morning. Granted, she was used to killer hangovers but this wasn't a hangover. They hadn't touched a drop of alcohol yet she hurt in more than one place. Her body ached as she pulled herself from her bed and inched her way carefully towards the bathroom down the hall. Thankfully, it was unoccupied and she was able to stand in front of the mirror and examine the results of an evening well spent.

Her skin was inflamed just below the left side of her collar bone. Redness surrounded and spread out around the words, _And though she may be but little, she is fierce_. The quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream had perfectly summed up how she had wanted to be seen after her epiphany last night. She sighed at the peace the beautifully scripted text brought her. She appreciated good body art, something both she and Leah enjoyed, hence why the other woman had suggested a visit to the tattoo parlour the previous evening. Despite her stinging skin, she was still smiling when she stepped into the shower.

Both she and Leah were sporting sore spots on their bodies as Bella joined her family for breakfast. Although she had very much enjoyed her shower, she regretted turning the temperature up so high her inflamed skin had felt scalded. As a result, she was wearing one of her more baggy tees, paired with a pair of skinny jeans. As she approached the table, Sue sighed at Bella's choice of attire.

"Not you, too," she commented. "I will never understand what it is about permanently marking your bodies that entertains you both so much."

Bella just smiled at her stepmom and took her seat before replying. "Leah's is worse."

Leah snorted into her coffee, Bella's words causing her to laugh just as she was about to take a swig.

"Is not," she declared. "You should see it, Mom. Honestly, hers is like from neck to ass!"

Bella laughed so hard, she nearly fell from her chair. She rolled her eyes and pulled her shirt down from her neck far enough to reveal the words she had had inscribed onto her skin. Sue appeared relieved but certainly not comforted by it.

"Shakespeare?" she inquired, rising from her chair to make more coffee.

Bella grinned broadly at Sue's knowledge. She was so much more educated than her own mother and a far better influence in her life. She was grateful to have her.

"Yeah," she explained. "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

Sue nodded, a small smile visible as she returned to the breakfast table and handed the mug of coffee to Bella who thanked her and took it gratefully. She took her seat with a serious expression on her face.

"Okay, it's not sooo bad," she began. "But please don't get any more…either of you."

Bella and Leah shared a look before Leah spoke up.

"Okay, Mom," she promised. "We won't get any more tattoos…in places where you can see them."

Sue sighed but chose to not comment. Instead, she busied herself with feeding her family and the morning progressed from there as it always did.

* * *

 **Thanks to Rita01tx for Betaing as usual :) Awesome lady that she is! and thanks to all you guys too for the continuing support! Love you all loads :P**


	13. Acceptance

**Hi my lovelies! Firstly, thank you to Rita01tx for betaing this chapter! :) Thank you for the continued support with this story! You guys are all amazing! :D**

* * *

 **Acceptance**

"We have a new member joining us tonight," a late, middle-aged woman whose name tag read 'Diane' announced. "Everyone please give Bella a warm welcome."

Bella felt her face flushing at the attention her presence elicited. Her first instinct was to run and not look back but she had promised Sue she would do this and she was going to keep that promise. She smiled tentatively as choruses of _Hi, Bella!_ and _Welcome, Bella!_ rang throughout the group of strangers.

"Don't be nervous," the woman beside her whispered. "We're all in the same boat here."

Bella looked over at a woman similar in age to herself, maybe slightly older, with kind, hazel eyes and dark, almost black, curly hair dragged up into a messy bun. They were dressed similarly, too, although her purple, patterned sweater was worn over dark jeans and Bella's was light blue paired with light jeans. Bella smiled at her, muttered a quiet thanks, and turned back to the group as she tried to focus her mind again on what Diane was saying.

"So, Bella," Diane coaxed. "Would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself?"

Bella swallowed noticeably. "Not really…"

A low chuckle spread around the room and Bella felt her face heating up again.

"How about I go first?" a rather handsome, older man sitting on her other side volunteered.

He had crinkles at the corners of his piercing, blue eyes, a short crop of salt and pepper hair and wore a Wal-Mart uniform. Diane smiled appreciatively at him from across the room.

"That would be wonderful, Derek," she crooned, crossing and uncrossing her legs as if she had an itch she couldn't scratch in public.

As Derek's story unfolded, Bella began to regret ever thinking she belonged here. Her story was stupid, juvenile and naïve. Not like Derek's, whose wife, mother and four children had all died in a house fire three years ago while he had been away on business. Once an important accountant, he was now reduced to working a menial job at Wal-Mart after losing everything to addiction.

Derek sat down a few minutes later to a chorus of supportive comments from his peers. When he looked over at her encouragingly, Bella knew she couldn't not participate. _I promised Sue,_ she thought.

"So…um, I was a senior in high school when I first got my heart broken," she began hesitantly. "And I know everyone says this but it really wasn't a normal heartbreak. I loved him with my entire heart and soul. He was my life, the very air I breathed, and hearing him admit it wasn't like that for him…well, the pain was unbearable."

"Anyway, I was depressed for a long time afterwards," she continued. "Hell, I think my dad was actually on the verge of having me committed, it got so bad."

She chuckled lightly at her own words. "But, eventually, I made new friends and started to get my life back on track. Soon, my best friend became my boyfriend and I tried to be happy but it was never the same."

"Then…my father died," she explained, tears glistening in her eyes. "It was sudden and completely out of the blue."

Her father's absence was difficult to verbalize since it meant having to admit it to herself.

"Everything with my dad was still raw when I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me," she sneered bitterly. "I had to get away so I went to my mom's down in Jacksonville. I thought maybe I could have a fresh start…"

"But that wasn't going to happen," she sighed. "My mom found a teeny tiny bag of coke in my coat pocket left over from a party I'd been to just before my dad died. It had just been an experiment but she wouldn't listen and threw me out. I was so ashamed of myself and feeling so worthless, I think I started to lose my grip on reality. Desperate to escape the pain of even more rejection, I chased oblivion with drugs and alcohol until I hit the proverbial wall. I finally got help, though, and I've been clean for nearly a week…but it hasn't been easy."

"It never is, Bella," Diane commiserated. "But it gets better with time. Just coming here and talking about it will help make it easier for you. We are all here for you, now."

The woman beside her reached over and gripped her hand briefly in support. She squeezed once and released her before taking a que from Diane and explaining her own story.

"My name's Catherine but everyone calls me Cat," she began. "My addiction started when I was young, about fourteen…"

She continued on from there and her story was even worse than Derek's. Bella's heart ached for her and, when she was done, she returned the woman's earlier gesture. Such a simple action could bring untold comfort, she soon came to realize.

 **~oOo~**

As the weeks went on and January merged into February, Bella regularly attended the support group. Sue had been so right to send her here. Talking really was beneficial and healed in ways medicine couldn't.

"I was close to giving up, yesterday," Bella cried, tears of frustration stinging her eyes. "It was my sister's birthday and everyone was drinking and having fun, except for me. There were bottles of ice cold beer on nearly every table and…God, I stared at those bottles for so long, I really thought I was going to cave…"

As usual, Diane was first to reach out. "It's okay, Bella. We all have moments like that."

"Yeah," Catherine agreed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "The important thing is, you didn't. You didn't give in."

Bella smiled and tried not to cry for an altogether different reason. The people she had met in the group had become a vital source of support and encouragement through what was a difficult time in her life. She was so relieved and immensely grateful to have found them.

Another member of the group who had joined after Bella took his turn to speak and the group progressed along its natural path. They shared stories and gave advice until the hour was up and it was time to separate. As she was pulling her bag onto her shoulder, she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder.

"You want to get coffee?" Cat asked, to which Bella smiled and nodded.

They had been doing this for a while and it was such a relief to have someone to talk to besides Sue, Leah and Seth. No sooner had she followed Cat from the church hall than her breath caught in her throat, her feet froze in the doorway and her heart skipped a beat.

Cat had already started walking away but turned back and frowned when she realized Bella wasn't following as she usually did. "Bella, what's wrong?"

But Bella was too focused on a silver Volvo parked right across the street…. _his_ silver Volvo. She'd recognize that license plate anywhere. Once she recovered from the shock of seeing it, anger took over. She only ever left La Push once a week to come here so what were the chances he would come here unintentionally? _None_ , she replied to her own question.

By the time she crossed the street, she was seething, her chest heaving with a rage she couldn't control. _How dare he!_ Catherine's cries of concern from the sidewalk barely registered and she was incapable of responding, anyway. As she approached, the driver's side door opened and her breath caught once again. She cursed herself for having such a reaction to the sight of him. She wanted to be ferocious…she wanted to scream at him until her throat gave out.

"I know I shouldn't have come here," he spoke the moment she was close enough to hear him. "But I needed to talk to you and you rarely ever leave the reservation…"

"Maybe I don't leave for a reason," she spat, eyes narrowing in hatred.

His hands flew up in front of him in an almost defensive position. "I understand and I am very sorry but all I want is the chance to talk to you, Bella. I need to apologize…"

Vibrating with rage, she just shook her head before turning away from him to storm back across the street to Catherine. Her friend was staring in Edward's direction curiously and, although Bella's eyes pleaded with the other woman to not question her there on the spot, she seemed not to understand.

"High school or cheater?" she inquired quietly.

Bella didn't acknowledge the question but kept walking in the direction of the coffee shop with Catherine easily keeping pace. It was only when they were finally sitting in their regular booth that Bella answered the question.

"High school," she muttered quietly, taking a deep swig of her coffee. The liquid was teetering on the edge of scalding and blistered her throat as it went down.

Catherine sucked in a breath and took a minute to consider her next questions. "Well, what did he want? Surely, you haven't seen him in years."

Bella needed a cigarette too much to reply right away. Once she had taken a drag, she turned to her friend and replied. "He's been trying to get in contact again recently." That was the best way she could think to explain it.

"He wants to 'talk'," she sneered, making air quotes either side of her head.

Catherine took a delicate sip from her coffee cup before responding. "Maybe you need to talk to him, Bella. It might just be the closure you need."

Bella shook her head. "Oh, it wouldn't be closure, Cat. I'll never be granted that. If I know him…and I do, he wants to start things up again as if none of it ever happened. Now, as far as I'm concerned, if talking to him leads there, I refuse to follow so what's the point?"

"It only leads there if you want it to, Bella."

"You have no idea how persuasive he can be," she sighed. "Never mind; it doesn't matter. It's not going to happen and I'd rather not talk about it anymore, okay? Sorry."

"You never have to be sorry, Bella," Cat assured her. "I'm here if you want to talk but you're not obligated to share your life story with me."

Bella smiled brokenly and took another gulp of her now tepid coffee. They chatted about safer topics after that, sticking to the subjects of family and life in general. Bella had little to contribute…she wasn't exactly an interesting individual anymore. Her only activities, nowadays, were cleaning, cooking and going to her support group. Despite being desperate for something more to occupy her time, Bella had, as yet, been unable to find a job. Then again, she had only been home for around seven weeks so there was still hope. She had to have hope or she might find herself giving up all together.

 **~oOo~**

As February turned into March, hope came in the form of a letter Sue handed her as soon as she took her seat beside Seth at the breakfast table.

"Letter for you," Sue sang, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Bella stared at the envelope for a few moments before flipping it onto its back in her hand and ripping it open. Suddenly anxious, she pulled the piece of folded paper from inside and paused. She needed a job so badly, the prospect of reading yet another rejection letter was more than she could handle. After a moment of silent deliberation, she took a deep breath to steel herself, unfolded the letter and began to read.

 **Dear Miss Swan,**

 **It is with great pleasure that we offer you a place to study English Literature at the University of Washington starting this fall. The faculty, staff and students welcome you to our university and look forward to meeting you in September.**

There was more but she was unable to continue. Her eyes blurred with tears as her mind took her back to a better time…

 _Smells from the food she'd cooked for dinner hung in the air. Sue was working late today so neither she and nor her two children were joining them tonight. It felt almost like the old days as she and Charlie sat opposite each other. Barely talking and eating in silence, it wasn't long before empty plates sat in front of them. Normally, Bella would have gotten up to take them to the kitchen but, instead, she paused. Her father might be a man of few words but he noticed everything._

 _"Something wrong, Bells?" he asked, his dark eyes studying her._

 _She nodded and smiled. "No, I was just thinking, that's all."_

 _Unfortunately, she could never tell her father what exactly she had been thinking about since any discussion of mythological creatures would land her in an asylum._

 _"Dangerous occupation, thinking," he chuckled, gathering their plates and taking them into the kitchen. He returned but headed straight into the living room, patting her shoulder gently as he passed her._

 _Still lost in her own world and gazing into the distance, she barely acknowledged this rare sign of physical affection. Before she even realized what she was doing, she had gotten up from her chair and followed._

 _A baseball game was already playing on the television and she smiled._ He's making the most of Sue's late shift today, _she thought. He glanced up at her as she entered and frowned. Without taking his eyes from her, he paused the TV._

 _"Spill it, kid. I know something's eating you."_

 _Without giving herself time to overthink it, she found herself blurting out. "I think I'm ready."_

 _Charlie frowned. "Ready?"_

 _Bella nodded and left the room quickly. She took the stairs a little too fast and tripped on the second one from the top but she didn't fall. Running into her bedroom, she grabbed the brochures she had been studying since finishing high school. Once back downstairs, she dumped them into her father's lap and stood quietly while he looked down._

 _His eyes widened in sudden understanding. "You're ready?"_

 _She nodded, the beginnings of a smile tugging at her lips._

 _"You're ready for college?"_

 _She nodded again and, before her next breath, Charlie was out of his recliner with his arms wrapped tightly around her._

 _"I'm so happy, Bells," he chocked. "You make me so proud."_

Sue's arms were wrapped tightly around her shoulders and Bella realized she had been crying hard enough to draw the attention of her family.

"It's going to be okay, sweetheart," she crooned. "You'll get a job sooner or later. I just know you will."

Bella looked at her and frowned. "The letter isn't about a job, Sue."

Sue pulled away to give her space and took a seat beside her.

"But…I thought that was why you were crying," she replied.

Bella shook her head and handed over the now slightly crumpled letter. Sue's breath hitched in surprise before she reached out and hugged her stepdaughter for a completely different reason.

"Oh, Bella!" she squealed. "I'm so proud of you! But this is good news, isn't it?" She felt Bella nod against her chest. "So why are you crying?"

"Dad," she replied simply. "I applied with dad. It was one of the last things I ever did with him."

"Ahhh, honey," her stepmom sighed, moving away just slightly and pressing her hands on either side of Bella's face. She smiled down at her.

"If he could see you now," she started. "He would be so proud of you, especially after everything you've been through."

Bella wasn't so sure but took comfort in the sentiment and found herself smiling. She had wanted hope for her future and had found it in the most unlikely form. In just a few short months, she would leave the safety of La Push and begin a new life at university. Envisioning a wonderfully challenging, new life experience, she smiled a little wider just as Leah entered the room.

"Okay, what are you so damn happy about?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing at Bella's strange demeanor before helping herself to coffee and cereal.

"Oooh, just this," Bella replied, pushing the letter across the table towards her sister.

Leah shoved a spoonful of cereal into her mouth and picked up the offered piece of paper. Two seconds later, she nearly choked on her spoon. Seth jumped from his seat and slapped his sister hard on the back twice. She waved him off as soon as she was able to breathe again.

"College?" she gasped, her voice a little hoarse. "I didn't even know you'd applied!"

"Well, it was a while ago," Bella admitted, her happy expression fading slightly.

Thankfully, Leah didn't notice and slapped the letter back onto the table.

"We have to go and out and celebrate," she proposed.

Bella shook her head. "I can't go out drinking, Leah. Your party last month was hard enough."

"You can go out without getting drunk," Leah replied, grimacing slightly. "We'll invite Emily…she won't drink either."

"She's not…is she?" Bella asked, reading Leah's expression.

Leah just nodded once, her face twisted with bitterness. "They found out yesterday."

"But she just had one," Bella reasoned.

"I know!" Leah agreed. "Anyway, what about your friends? Jessica? Angela? That bunch? And what about that girl, Cat, from your support group? She won't drink either, right?"

Bella went down the list. "Angela is already away at college but Jess might come. She'll definitely drink, though, if she gets a night away from being a mom. I'm not sure about Cat but I can ask."

"How about Kim? She's too young to drink," Leah added, a slight frown marring her pretty face.

Bella squirmed at the sight knowing she was the cause of it. Before everything had gone wrong, she would regularly go out to drink and have fun with Leah. As a recovering alcoholic, she couldn't do that anymore and she felt bad for her friend.

"You do realize I'm too young to drink, too. Hell, so were you until last month," Bella grinned, hysterical laughter threatening to break out at the situation. Kim may be too young to drink but quality fake ID's were actually pretty easy to come by around here.

"Yes, well…" Leah replied. "Emily and Cat definitely won't drink."

Bella chuckled in agreement and nodded. "That is true. When and where are we doing this?"

Leah considered their options as she ate some more of her cereal and took a deep drink from her coffee.

"Saturday? Port Angeles?" she suggested, shrugging one shoulder in acknowledgement that there wasn't a whole lot to choose from.

Bella didn't see a problem with that and smiled as their plans began to take shape. "Sounds good to me."

"Wait…" Seth interrupted. "Saturday is when you train with us, Bella."

Bella turned to her brother and smiled. "I haven't forgotten, Seth," she reassured him. "I look forward to our Saturday mornings."

"Good! Just remember you said you wanted to be able to defend yourself," he snorted gleefully.

Bella frowned. "Well that's a bit ominous."

Seth just nodded and moved to dump his bowl in the sink.

"Yes it is," he told her before heading towards the door. His school bag sat propped up against the doorframe and, as he made to grab it, she called over to him.

"Oh, come on, Seth," she whined. "You can't just say that and leave!"

Smiling smugly, he threw his bag onto his shoulder. "See you tonight," he informed his family as he headed out the door.

Bella stared after him for a minute before turning her curious gaze towards Leah.

"Don't look at me…I'm not saying a word," her sister cried almost instantly. "Well…I will say that you may need to see a doctor before we go out Saturday."

Bella stared at her in horror until Leah laughed loudly at her expression. In retaliation of Leah's enjoyment at her situation, she lowered her fingertips into her lukewarm coffee so that dark liquid dripped from ends of her rounded nails and flicked her hand in Leah's direction. The other woman's white tee was instantly dotted with tiny brown stains but, instead of being offended, Leah just laughed harder.

While her sister may have found it all really amusing, Bella did not. She was now exceedingly anxious about what Saturday would bring and the four whole days of waiting to find out was going to make it a very long week.

* * *

 **Bit of a jumble this chapter, but it needed to happen to pass a couple of months without making a huge time jump, hope you liked it :)**


	14. Port Angeles

**Hi all, there wasn't a huge response to the last chapter which is understandable, it wasn't a very strong chapter, but it did put me off writing for a couple of days. That said, tonight I just sat down and this happened. It's probably a bit unexpected in certain ways, but hopefully not too much. I loved hearing all of your ideas about the last chapter, most of you think the Cullen's are involved in her acceptance letter and that going out is a bad idea. Well, the latter you will find out about in this chapter at least! Anyway, hope you enjoy.**

 **Songs in this chapter:**

 **Muse - Starlight & Map of Problematique. **

* * *

Port Angeles.

March 2009

She shouldn't have come. She had known as soon she stepped from the cab onto the sidewalk outside the club Leah had chosen for their celebration. Several hours later, she stood outside on that same sidewalk, the cold pinching her sore body, aching from the workout Seth had put her through earlier that morning. So far, it hadn't been a pleasant day by any means. First, the grueling exercise and self-defense lesson from her younger brother followed by the agonizing lure of alcohol, something she wasn't nearly ready to face. No, she most certainly shouldn't have come here.

It hadn't been too bad at the beginning of the evening. Being surrounded by alcohol had been difficult but manageable…well, until a drunken Kim had ordered whiskey. Bella reeeally liked whiskey, especially Southern Comfort. Leah's suggestion to only invite people who didn't drink had been an epic fail and watching her friends getting increasingly drunk had proven too much for her. Discretion being the better part of valor, she had made her excuses to Kim and asked her to pass them on to Leah as soon as she returned from grinding all over a heavily tattooed man on the dance floor.

Leaving them to their antics, Bella took off up the street, the medium high, wedge heels of her nude, patent leather shoes tapping softly against the pavement. She pulled her coat tighter around her body as the brisk wind punished her bare skin. If she regretted coming here, she regretted the dress she had worn more. Assuming it would lift her spirits, she had decided make-up and a short blue, skater dress was the way to go. It wasn't. But, since she could no longer use alcohol to liven up the night, getting dolled up had at least been worth a try. Too bad she now faced having to walk off the cravings in heels and a too short skirt that made it look like she was naked beneath her coat.

She didn't really know where she was heading. In her desperation to get away, she had just started off in a random direction and, before she knew it, she had reached the docks of the local marina. Bella sighed and hugged herself as she walked along aimlessly. The sounds of the waves were a comfort as she fixed her mind on a destination. Up ahead, the pebbled beach drew her in. It wasn't like the beach at La Push and it certainly wasn't like the beaches she had visited in Florida but it was a beach all the same. Breathing in the scent of salt water, she sighed again at the feelings stirring within her.

Wedge heels should have made it easier to walk across the stones than it would have been had she been wearing stilettos but, Bella being Bella, her heels tripped her up as she made her way across the shifting pebbles towards the shoreline. _Stilettos probably would have been easier_ , she thought. Despite the frequent stumbles, she reached the shoreline without injury and settled herself down onto the damp stones. Despite the discomfort, it felt wonderful and peace settled around her shoulders as she stared out into the distance.

Boats bobbed with the nudging of the current and the smell of seaweed and salt hung in the air. Where she sat was close enough to reach out her toes and touch the water and she was only able resisted the urge for a moment or two before moving to unstrap her shoes. The water lapped at her toes as she pulled her cigarettes from her coat pocket and lit up. Inhaling gently, she exhaled and watched the smoke swirl around her head before floating away. A feeling of serenity enclosed her like a warm blanket until the crunch of footsteps coming from behind her disrupted the stillness.

Without turning around, she knew exactly who was approaching. She took another drag on her cigarette recalling the many times he had attempted to seek her out for the conversation she knew she would inevitably have to have with him. Ever since his impromptu arrival outside her support group meeting, he had shown up every week. Cat had actually urged her to file a police report for stalking and she had been tempted. But, to his credit, he hadn't approached her or tried to speak to her unless she spoke first. As always, she was the one to make the first move.

"Please, can we not do this tonight?" she sighed, exhaustion tinging her words.

Startled, he held his position further up the beach.

"Do what?" he inquired, even though he knew exactly what she was referring to.

She scoffed and puffed on her cigarette, gazing fixedly at the distance calm of the ocean instead of turning to look at him.

"You know exactly what I mean," she replied. "I really don't have the strength for this tonight."

Reading the distress in her voice correctly, he knew instantly not to push her. He wouldn't talk to her if that was what she wanted but, all the same, he couldn't leave her all alone in the darkness in Port Angeles. Not when this place had previously shown them both just how violent its inhabitants could be.

"Okay," he told her. "But if you don't mind, I won't leave you. I will be so silent, you won't even know I'm here, if that's what you want, but it's not safe around here, if you recall?"

She acknowledged his reminder with a single nod of her head.

"But you should know," she warned. "Whether you are silent or not, I always know you're there. Especially when it's dark."

She remembered the day in biology class when they had been forced to sit beside each other in the dark. The powerful energy surging between them had been equal parts euphoric and sheer torture. She wasn't sure what loosened her tongue but, before she could stop herself, her mouth started moving.

"Do you remember that day in biology?" she asked, even though she knew he did.

"Yes, of course," he replied, his footsteps resuming before he reappeared at her side. "Movie day, right?"

She nodded as he settled himself onto the pebbles close enough for the same energy to resurface but not close enough to make her lose control of any feelings she still had. For this, at least, she was grateful.

"Did you feel it, too?" she wondered, still looking out into the distance.

His voice was strained. "Yes."

She fought the urge to turn her head and look into his eyes. If he was lying, she was sure she would see it. Instead, she drew on her cigarette and exhaled, watching the smoke drift away.

"Do you feel it now?" she probed tentatively, but she had to know.

"Yes," he whispered through clenched teeth.

She recognized this tone of voice but, even after all of his omissions, she couldn't make sense of it. Desire and lust sounded like that…something she had only learned to recognize after he had abandoned her in the woods. But she had been young and naïve during their previous relationship and wouldn't have recognized nor understood it even if he had spoken to her like that. She tried to dismiss her epiphany but it lingered at the back of her mind as their conversation fell into silence.

Finished with her cigarette, she flicked it out into the water where it hissed and died. Her gaze was still transfixed on the boats bobbing with the current and the subtle ripples made by the many fish living within the dark waters. The gentle calm of their surroundings did little to ease her stress. She was still being plagued by the events of the evening and, despite how much she may have wanted to be alone, she was glad of his presence. At least, with him there, she was safe to sit here however long she liked and she certainly didn't have to face going back to the club.

"How do you do it?" she asked after a pregnant pause. Turning to look at him for the first time, her expression was pained as their gazes met and he frowned.

"Do what?" he asked, his frown deepening.

"You know," she hinted, her teeth pressing down on her lip. "How do you manage to be around me? Any humans, in general, really?"

He looked down at the pebbled ground between his drawn up legs and spoke to his knees.

"It's not without difficulty," he replied.

"But you do it, even though it's hard?" she pleaded, trying desperately to understand. "Why? I don't understand."

He looked up at the catch in her breath and smelled the tell-tale signs of tears. She was fighting with herself and he caught a glimpse of the broken side she usually hid so well behind her tough girl attitude.

"Because it's worth it," he explained. "I promise you, Bella. The fight, the internal struggle you feel…it's all worth it."

"Is it?" she cried, finally breaking down. She pulled her legs towards her body, buried her head in her knees and sobbed piteously.

He automatically reached towards her and, to his surprise, she didn't protest when he enveloped her in his embrace. She clutched onto her legs tighter as she cried, well aware of his proximity. It was difficult to be this close to him. Even after everything, it pained her to admit she liked it. His arms meant safety, security and they offered so much comfort. His embrace shouldn't have felt this good but old habits died hard. Her love for this man would probably never leave her, it never had so far, anyway. Even though she knew it was the last thing she wanted or needed, she found herself reacting to his proximity as she surfaced from her despair.

As she lifted her head up from her knees, she was intensely sensitive to his closeness. His scent clouded her mind and she reacted to his presence in a way that would have been predictable for her eighteen-year-old self but not so much for her twenty-year-old self. With no thought to the consequences, she leaned in to press her lips firmly against his. For just a split second, he attempted to pull away but she angled her body closer, her left hand grabbing a handful of soft, silky hair as her right clutched his shirt tightly. She felt his initial hesitation melt away after a moment or two. Then he kissed her back with just as much passion as she offered him.

Experienced as she was, she knew what the feelings surging through her body wanted her to do and she was more than ready to act upon them. However, while his previous attempt to disentangle himself from her had been unsuccessful, his next attempt was not. Her lips parted and she moaned into his mouth. Within seconds, he was ten feet away and she had to throw her hands out in front of her to catch herself.

Blushing fiercely, she pulled herself upright, lips still tingling from his touch. She wanted to apologize to him. The last thing she had wanted was to attack him like that. For the most part, she hated her ex-boyfriend and had been avoiding him for fear this very thing could happen.

He stayed away a moment before making his way slowly back towards her.

"I'm sorry," he groaned, his voice strained for an entirely different reason than before.

"Me, too," she replied quietly, her gaze firmly planted on the ground.

"I don't know what came over me," she explained, taking a moment before looking back up at him. "I still don't even know if I can forgive you. I just don't understand myself when it comes to you."

"If it helps," he started. "I don't understand myself either."

He did not meet her gaze as he offered her his hand. She didn't take it, rising instead without his assistance. She didn't need it and she sure didn't want it. Once standing, she looked out towards the ocean again and pondered how this evening had strayed so far from her original plan. Without really pausing to think, she took a few steps forward into the ocean. The water brushed against her ankles and she sighed in pleasure.

"I really wish you wouldn't make noises like that," he implored.

She smirked, pleased she could get beneath his skin just like he got under hers.

"Was that the problem before?" she questioned, still staring out towards the watery horizon. "The moan?"

Her voice, although teasing, held an underlying curiosity. It felt good to flirt again, even if it was with him. She hadn't made up her mind what to do about Edward and knew it would take a while longer to reach a final decision but it didn't hurt to mess with him now that she had him at her mercy. Besides, if he had meant everything he had said all those years ago, it wouldn't bother him, anyway. _But,_ she argued with herself, _if he had meant it, he wouldn't be here and he certainly wouldn't have kissed her back._

The waves lapped at her bare feet and ankles as she listened for his answer.

"In part, yes." His voice was strained again.

"My apologies," she stated, feeling just a little smug.

The water stirred as he approached her. She tensed, almost instantly wanting more space between them. She didn't necessarily regret what had happened earlier but she didn't want a repeat performance, either. The energy between them was ever present, spurring her movements. The closer he came to her, the further she moved away from him. Her next step forward caused her to regret moving out of his reach. The water was mid-calf when she knocked her foot against a submerged rock and stumbled head first into the water.

Strong hands gripped her forearms, pulling her up out of the water before she could inhale enough to hurt her. However, he wasn't fast enough to save her previously pristine appearance. The bouncing curls, perfect smoky eye make-up and lined red lips she had been so proud of were a thing of the past. She resembled a drowned rat emerging from the freezing, dirty water of the Port Angeles harbor. Her sodden dress, which had been new this morning, had turned two shades darker from the amount of water the fabric had absorbed.

"Perfect," she growled, dripping, shivering and stumbling her way back towards the beach.

Throwing herself down angrily onto the pebbles, she struggled to shove her wet feet back into her heels.

"Are you alright?" he asked carefully, clearly sensing the change in her mood.

"Yes," she snapped, pulling viciously on the strap of her left heel. The buckle refused to cooperate which only infuriated her more. She was soaking wet and rapidly approaching freezing cold.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, to which she paused.

The strap of her shoe momentarily forgotten, she looked up at him while her mind debated a response.

"I don't know," was the best spur-of-the-moment reply she could think of.

"Should I stay until you decide?" he suggested.

She nodded once and went back to fighting with her shoe.

"Do you want some help?" he offered after watching her struggling for a moment.

"Fuck, no!" she spat, her eyes blazing with fury. "I'm not five!"

He backed off, keeping a reasonable distance. She was glad since it was his presence making her act so stupid. She was pissed off at herself for kissing him but she was more annoyed for falling into the water and ruining her night. After much struggle, the shoes were buckled and her bad mood began to subside slowly. Suddenly, shivers surged through her whole body and her teeth began to chatter.

"Do you want me to take you somewhere?" he offered. "You can't just sit here all night like that; you'll catch a cold."

She smirked and argued automatically. "A cold won't kill me."

"Well," he replied. "They killed when I was young. Better safe than sorry."

She rolled her eyes and pulled herself from the ground. She looked over at him, surprised to see the level of concern in his expression.

"Fine," she agreed. "But there is nowhere _you_ can take me…you know that, right?"

"That isn't exactly true," he replied. "I can't take you to La Push but I can take you somewhere else that has dry clothes and a hot shower."

She frowned for a moment, shaking her head emphatically as she realized what he meant.

"No," she told him bluntly. "I won't go there. I can't."

His face fell at her immediate rejection. She knew she must have looked like a deer trapped in headlights, terrified at the mere suggestion of going home with him.

"Just take me as far as the treaty line," she proposed. "I'll call Sue and she can pick me up from there."

Edward seemed disheartened but, to her surprise, did not argue. Instead, he offered another solution.

"If you cannot contact her, though, please let me take you home. You really shouldn't stay in wet clothes."

She nodded once, confident Sue would answer her call. He started walking and didn't offer any form of assistance as she followed him up the beach. She was glad of this since, one…she didn't need it, and two…any offer would probably have sparked her temper again. Before she knew it, they had reached smooth pavement and she saw his car parked further down the street.

Memories clawed her heart as she slid into the passenger seat…memories of high school and all-encompassing love. It was amazing how powerful something as simple as a car could be at triggering a full blown flashback of her past. She fought it off throughout the whole journey, refusing to let her memories pull her under. She had come too far to give up now.

As they drove towards the treaty line, Bella borrowed Edward's phone to call Sue. Her heart sank when she was greeted by the voicemail message. She tried a further two attempts before realizing her stepmom was not going to answer. It shouldn't have surprised her, she realized, glancing at the clock to see it was already past one in the morning.

She tried contacting Leah with painfully similar results. She left a quick voice mail anyway to explain her situation.

Noting the deep anxiety taking up residence in her voice, Edward pulled over to the side of the road.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, staring at him curiously.

"I cannot force you to go to my home," he replied, killing the engine. "So I see no other way than for you to take my car."

She frowned, staring at him like he was crazy.

"I can't drive your car into La Push, Edward," she protested. "I understand what you are trying to do but I can't do that. No offense but, like you, your car will reek of lee – vampire. If I drive your car home, they will all know I have been with you."

Thankfully, she had managed to catch herself before blurting out the word 'leech.' He meant well and she really didn't want to offend him.

"And that bothers you?" he scoffed. "That they would know?"

So much for not offending him.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "But, right now, yes it does. Jacob already thinks I'm going to go 'running back to you.' I can't prove him right!"

"And that's what this is?" Edward questioned. "This is you running back to me?"

"No!" she snapped.

That was most definitely not what this was. _Was it?_ His face fell visibly at the sharpness in her tone. Bella didn't know what to say or do. She wanted to run from the pain in his expression, especially knowing she had caused it.

"I'm sorry," she murmured softly. "But I told you I can't do this tonight. I'm sorry for misleading you. I never meant to. I'll just go."

She had exited the car and taken a few steps towards the treaty line when she heard his door open behind her.

"Please don't go," he called, appearing suddenly behind her to gently grip her elbow.

She scolded herself for the flutters springing to life at his touch. Mentally, she didn't want this but, physically, she would always want this. She turned to face him, already emotionally drained from the events of the evening.

"Just because you're not coming back to me tonight," he began. "Doesn't mean you won't ever."

She stared up at him, choosing her words carefully.

"What if it does?" she countered. "If I never wanted to come back to you, would you let me go? Would you walk away?"

His expression was that of a man undergoing the worst form of punishment imaginable. It hurt to watch his body cave in on itself, just as hers did all too often.

"Yes," he conceded. "If you want me to go…if you don't want this, just say the word and I'm gone. If it's what you truly want, I'll never come back. I was a fool to ever make this kind of decision without you and I won't do it again."

Struck dumb by his sincerity, the only sound Edward heard was the barely perceptible chattering of Bella's teeth and, for the duration of her silence, he was terrified she would send him away.

"I don't know what I want," she sighed finally. "All I do know is, right now, I can't do this. Not just you and me but me and anyone."

"I need time to find out who I am and I can't do that with you influencing my every move, my every decision. For now, Edward, I'm begging you…don't follow me. Just stay away. I _need_ you to stay away. I can't focus with you around. As you saw tonight, I have absolutely no restraint in your presence."

His head bowed under the weight of her words only to snap back up in shock and newfound hope the next moment.

"I still love you," she confessed. "And I still want you so if there is ever going to be a chance at _us,_ keep your distance until I let you know otherwise."

He nodded enthusiastically. "I understand, Bella, and I will do as you ask…on one condition. Take the car."

She groaned in frustration and shivered again. The cold was bone chilling and she was more than tempted to take the car but it would mean accepting his help which would put her in his debt. A violent shudder shattered her pride, making the decision for her. The damp clothes still clinging to her body despite the long drive with the car's heater running full blast left her with very little choice than to borrow his car. The upshot was he could easily get home on foot, whereas she could not.

"Fine," she huffed. "I'll just have to throw bleach over it when I get home."

His eyebrows shot straight up, aghast at the mere suggestion. "Please don't."

She snickered evilly and held out her hand for the keys, shivering for a completely different reason as he placed them in her hand, the ghost of his fingertips skimming across the delicate, smooth skin of her palm haunting her as she headed back towards the car.

Once inside with the engine running, she gripped the steering tightly to stop her hand from tingling. It didn't work or make the feelings dissipate even slightly. His simple touch lingered as she drove away towards home and to distract herself from the fuck up that was this entire evening, she turned up the volume on the CD player from non-existent to unpleasantly loud.

Unfortunately, the music that greeted her did little to take her mind off of Edward Cullen.

 _My life,_

 _You electrify my life,_

 _Let's conspire to ignite,_

 _All the souls that would die just to feel alive._

If she had thought her memories of their relationship had been hard to handle when she first got into the car, this CD knocked the breath right out of her. She had bought it when it was released in July 2006 and sang along to the tracks on the way to school many days in a row in this very car. It was then she realized why she hadn't been able to find it, it was because it must have been in Edward's car the day of her birthday party. She couldn't help but wonder whether he had ever taken it out since. Had he been listening to these tracks on repeat for the last two years? Had he remembered her singing the words and sung them, too. Her heart clenched painfully at the poignant image.

Despite the feelings triggered by these tracks, she couldn't bring herself to turn it off so by the time _Map of Problematique_ began, silent tears streaked her face.

 _Fear and panic in the air,_

 _I want to be free,_

 _From desolation and despair,_

 _And I feel like everything I sow,_

 _Is being swept away,_

 _Well I refuse to let you go._

The words cut deep as she remembered singing along to them while Edward had drummed his long fingers on the steering wheel in perfect time to the beat. Tears blurred her vision but she managed to pull up outside the house without incident and cut the engine. The sudden silence was deafening and she remained sitting in the Volvo until she could force herself to move.

She finally made it to her bedroom where she changed out of her damp clothes into warm, cozy pajamas before crawling under the covers and crying herself to sleep.

Consumed by painful memories, she never noticed Leah hadn't made it home, yet.


	15. Three Little Words

**Hi all! Sorry for the long(ish) absence, unfortunately there was a death in my fiances family and so haven't had massive amounts of time to write. On a more positive note it was also my birthday last week :P I am now 25, not that I feel any different lol**

 **Thank you to Rita01tx once again for her fabulous job of Beta'ing this story! You are amazing and you know it :P**

 **Anyway, this chapter is where this story starts to come together. However, as per this story, that can't happen in a nice way and because of that I have to put a warning here. This chapter contains mentions (not actual scenes) of rape.**

 **I can not thank you guys enough for the very much increased support of this story! To those of you who reviewed with questions for me, I am sorry I didn't reply, I usually try my best to but not had much time and I think you'd all rather I spent time writing rather than replying :)**

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Three Little Words

Disturbed by a gentle shake to her shoulder, Bella woke around four am with eyelids stuck together from dried tears. She peeled open her sore eyes only to be met with the worried face of her stepbrother.

"Seth, what's up?" she croaked, exhaustion still evident in her tone.

Looking as tired as she felt, he held out his cell phone towards her.

"It's Leah," he replied as Bella pulled herself up into a sitting position and took the phone. "She called me but she won't tell me what's wrong."

Bella frowned and pressed the phone to her ear.

"Leah," she said into the speaker. "What's wrong? What's happened?"

There was no immediate response. All Bella could hear was the sound of Leah crying quietly. Without being able to see her sister's face, Bella couldn't immediately tell how bad this situation was which snapped her awake pretty quickly. Without thinking about it too long, Bella pulled back her covers and rose from her bed. When Leah still didn't speak Bella began debating what to do next. Leah clearly needed her now but she had no idea where she was and, if she was talking, that meant she wasn't in the right form for Seth to see her location easily. It was a few seconds of crying down the phone before Leah explained her emotional state.

"I don't know where I am," she admitted quietly.

Bella couldn't help but panic at the fear in her sister's voice.

"What do you mean you don't know where you are?" Bella asked, raising her eyes to Seth's. From the worried look on his face, he had heard Leah's omission.

"I don't know where I am," Leah repeated, still crying through her words, and Bella felt her heart clench. She should have never left without Leah. Guilt weighed her down as she replied to her sister.

"It's okay, Leah," she said. "We're going to come and find you. Just stay where you are."

Bella shared a look with Seth.

"I'll go call Sam," Seth told her in response to her look.

"No!" Leah cried. "Don't bring them! I don't want them to know!"

Bella instantly worried. "You don't want them to know what? Leah, you're scaring me."

"Please don't bring the pack," Leah pleaded, choking back a sob.

"Fine…no pack," Bella reluctantly agreed, internally cursing at the idea of trying to find Leah without their help. She had Seth but more wolves were better than one. She signaled to Seth and grabbed the Volvo keys from her nightstand before heading from the room quietly so as not to alert Sue to their goings on. They made their way through the house, both donning shoes along the way, before finding themselves outside the house.

"What the actual fuck, Bella?" Seth cursed when he saw it.

"I'll explain later," she whispered urgently, pressing the phone's speaker into her neck to muffle her voice. "Right now, we don't have time for this!"

She moved the phone away from her neck at Seth's nod.

"Leah," Bella barked. "We're coming to find you. Just stay where you are."

Despite his earlier sign of agreement, Seth was still scowling as Bella handed his phone back.

"Keep her talking," Bella ordered as she unlocked the Volvo and climbed in.

With the phone pressed to his ear, Seth pulled open the passenger door, his face scrunched up in revulsion.

"It fucking stinks in here," he gagged theatrically, reluctant to enter the Volvo. "Couldn't we just take Mom's car?"

Bella shook her head as she clicked her seatbelt. "This one's faster."

With Seth finally buckled in, she started the car and revved the engine. He actually looked impressed at the throaty roar it produced when she pushed the gas pedal to the floor, spinning tires kicking up a cloud of dust and gravel as they sped away from their home. Bella switched the car's audio system to the radio before Seth could comment on the music choice although, she realized as she drove towards the border, Seth wasn't paying attention to the music, anyway. He was entirely focused on his sister, whispering words of comfort and reassurance down the phone to her as she drove. It warmed her heart to see Seth's love for his sister.

So distracted by her worry as she raced towards the border, Bella almost hit the man standing in the middle of the dark road. Tires squealing, smoke billowing from twin stripes of burned rubber painting the asphalt, the Volvo responded instantly to her foot pressing hard on the brake. Seth cursed loudly and so did she as the car came to a halt halfway between both lanes. Staring in disbelief at the figure in the headlights, she killed the engine and climbed out of the driver's seat.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she exploded, her hands shaking from the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

"I'm sorry," Edward apologized contritely. "But your sister called…"

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Ah," he frowned. "I see you already know."

"Obviously," she sneered. "Why else would I be here?"

Bella huffed and turned away from him but got no further than three steps away before his words registered on her tired mind. Frowning, she turned back to face him.

"Hang on…Leah called _you_?" she questioned.

Edward nodded. "You called her from my phone earlier, remember? I think she thought she'd reach you through it. She said a lot before she realized I wasn't you. I can help you find her, if you want me to."

Bella forced back her irritation and sighed.

"Fine," she agreed, heading back towards the car. "But I'm still driving."

She slid back into the driver's seat just as Seth's whole body stiffened at Edward's sudden appearance on the back seat.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Seth hissed, eyeing Edward with suspicion.

Bella wasn't wasting another minute on explanations. "Helping," she snapped, starting the engine, shifting the car into gear and speeding off.

"I thought you were raised to obey the speed limit, Bella," Edward remarked as she swung right onto Highway 101 and accelerated. While he enjoyed fast driving, it concerned him to have her in control of his Volvo at such a speed. Especially since her reflexes were nowhere near as infallible as his.

"Not today," she replied. "Now, did Leah tell you where she was? Anything that could help?"

"Not exactly," he admitted. "But, from the background noises, she's still in Port Angeles. I've heard her mind before so I'll be able to find her again."

For the first time that evening, Bella felt her mood lift as hope surge within her. Their chances of finding Leah had increased tenfold with Edward's help. However, her newfound sense of hope didn't make their journey to Port Angeles any less tense.

It didn't take quite as long to reach the city limits as Bella had anticipated and she gradually slowed down in case the cops had set up speed traps to pad the city's treasury. Getting pulled over for speeding definitely wouldn't improve their situation.

"Can you hear anything?" she asked Edward over her shoulder as they headed towards the street where the club was located.

"What is it he could possible hear that I can't?" Seth scoffed before he could answer.

Bella sighed again, becoming more irritated by the second at her brother's immaturity.

"Oh, I should think a lot more," she replied. "He's a telepath, Seth."

"Telepath?" Seth yelped in astonishment, his dislike of the vampire in the back seat fading slightly. "Wait, doesn't that mean…" He paused and turned in his seat. "You can read minds?"

Edward nodded, shrugging one shoulder.

"Does that mean you can hear what _I'm_ thinking?" Seth continued.

"Yes," Edward replied simply. "But, right now, I'm trying to listen for your sister and it's not as easy to do both, if you don't mind."

At the reminder of their mission, Seth sank back into his seat and fell silent. Bella didn't have the space in her mind to worry about any hurt feelings he might be entertaining. Finding their sister was all that mattered to her.

They had been driving around in circles for nearly half an hour when Edward finally got a hit.

"She's near…I just heard her," he announced and Bella slowed the car almost to a crawl before pulling up in a parking spot and killing the engine.

Seth jumped out of the car followed closely by his companions. Sucking in a huge lungful of air, he took off towards a dark alley across the street. Bella quickly darted off after Seth with a suddenly hesitant Edward trailing slowly behind.

They soon found him crouched down beside Leah and Bella's heart broke at what the sight of the dirty, torn dress worn by her violently shaking sister implied.

"Oh, my God, Leah," Bella cried, throwing herself onto the filthy ground without a second thought. "What the hell happened?"

"I can't," her sister sobbed.

Bella folded her into her arms and held her close. Leah relaxed until she caught a familiar scent. Despite her distress, Leah's basic instincts kicked in as the stench of vampire invaded her senses. She struggled but eventually managed to pull herself upright, disentangling herself from Bella's embrace as she did so.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she demanded, teary eyes blazing as she caught sight of Edward standing at the other end of the alley.

"He was helping," Bella defended, getting to her feet. "Edward is the only reason we found you so quickly."

Leah froze, staring at Bella as if she had grown a second head.

"What?"

"You said his name," Leah gasped, shock evident in her voice.

Bella nodded. "Yes, I did."

"Since when do you say his name?" Leah wondered, momentarily distracted from her own troubles.

"Since now," Bella replied tightly. "It really doesn't matter, Leah! What matters is you!"

Leah's face softened, fighting back more tears as she looked at her sister.

"I know you wish I was not here," Edward interrupted quietly. "And I am sorry if my presence is causing you any further distress but you need medical attention."

Leah's distress was replaced by another flash of anger. "I don't need any advice from you, leech!"

Bella studied Edward's face as he responded.

"I am so sorry," he started. "Nobody deserves…"

Leah glared murderously at him. "One more word, leech, and I'll rip your fucking head right off your shoulders."

"Leah," Bella gasped. "I'm sorry I brought him here but he was genuinely just trying help."

Leah turned, her expression still outraged but, seeing the worry and compassion in Bella's eyes, she crumbled.

"Please don't make me see a doctor," she whimpered.

Bella pulled her sister back into her embrace and held her as she sobbed, only vaguely aware of Seth motioning for Edward to accompany him away from the alley to give them some privacy. She would have to thank Seth later.

"Leah, it's just me, now," Bella reassured. "You don't have to tell me anything but it might help you if you do."

Leah nodded and attempted to speak only to break down into sobs. It took a few tries but she eventually managed to utter three words.

"He raped me."

Bella moaned in disbelief, tears welling in her eyes as she hugged her sister even tighter. Leah sobbed into her shoulder until the sun rose around them flooding the alley with light. Seth came around the corner half an hour later silhouetted by the rising sun. He looked at his sister with deep worry as he addressed them both.

"We really need to go," he insisted. "Mom's going to meet us at the treaty line in an hour."

Bella nodded and helped an exhausted Leah to her feet. She kept a tight hold on her sister as she guided her back to the car and into the back seat, only letting go long enough to walk around to the other side of the car. Once she was settled in beside her holding her close, Edward drove them off towards the rendezvous.

Minutes later, Leah sniffled back her tears, her face scrunched up in disgust just as Seth's had a couple of hours earlier.

"It stinks in here," she muttered.

"That it does," Edward chuckled.

"My bad…sorry." Bella spoke, trying to lighten the mood the only way she knew how…with humor.

Leah breathed out a small laugh. Tiny and nothing like her sister's usual full blown belly chuckle, it was more than Bella had expected to hear. Her sister was by no means okay and wasn't going to be for a long time to come. Contemplating the bleak times ahead, Bella squeezed her just a little tighter and, despite Leah's wishes, hoped the pack would find and take out the son of a bitch who had done this to her. As Edward drove, Bella was consumed with inventing various, extremely painful ways in which the pack could destroy the tattooed guy. It was a soothing distraction.

Sue threw her arms around her daughter the moment they exited the Volvo. She had been waiting for them when Edward had pulled up. Edward stood away from Bella's family as their matriarch took over the job of comforting Leah.

Seth sidled up beside him, his voice tight with emotion. Despite hearing Seth's intention in his thoughts, Edward was still surprised at his heartfelt words.

"Thank you," Seth said. "Really, I mean it. I'm in your debt…we all are."

"You and your family owe me nothing," he replied, turning his gaze in Bella's direction. She was speaking quietly to Sue, oblivious to their conversation. "I am more in your debt than you can ever understand."

Seth nodded. "Maybe I understand better than you think and I owe you all the same."

Without waiting for a response or alerting his family to his next move, Seth walked into the trees and phased. He disappeared into the distance, letting loose a howl so piercing and loud it caused Bella to spin around towards where Seth had just stood only for her eyes to fall onto Edward. She frowned, speaking quietly to her stepmom and sister before making her way over to him.

Edward tensed in anticipation of another rejection.

Her jerky gait as she walked towards him signaled hesitation which was confirmed once she reached him. Searching for the right words, she opened and closed her mouth twice.

"I don't know how to thank you," she burst out. "You didn't have to do this tonight but you did."

"I would do anything for you and for your family," Edward proclaimed.

Bella gulped back a gasp and hesitated again, teeth sinking into her bottom lip as her anxiety spiked. Her eyes found focus on the ground as she took a deep breath and lifted her gaze to his beautiful face. Her heart fluttered as their gazes met and held. Her lips curved up into a smile he thought he'd never see on her face again.

"Thank you," she breathed, her voice airy and light. "I am so grateful. After everything that happened earlier tonight, your help was the last thing I would ever have foreseen. Maybe you're not as predictable as I thought."

Planting one hand on his chest, she leaned up to press a delicate kiss onto his cold cheek. It was fleeting but he reveled in its sweet warmth all the same. She bit down onto her lip again after parting from him, her cheeks just a little flushed.

"I have to go," she said. "But, really, thank you."

Before he could say anything more or reach out to touch her as he wished to, she was gone. He watched her retreat and, once she was safely inside her stepmom's car, he climbed into his own and turned towards home, arriving less than ten minutes later.

So absorbed by his own thoughts, he didn't realize he wasn't alone.

 _Are you alright, son?_ His father asked as Edward breezed through the house he had assumed was empty.

"Carlisle," Edward acknowledged, chagrinned to realize it had taken him a good three minutes to notice his parents' presence.

"You were with her?" Esme gasped, her face lighting up at the implication. _I can smell her…and the wolves?_ "You didn't cause any trouble, did you?"

Edward shook his head. "I was just helping her and Seth find their sister. Unfortunately, to put it mildly, she was taken advantage of outside the club they had visited earlier in the evening."

 _Oh, the poor girl!_ Esme's sympathy was instantaneous.

"She's in good hands, Mom," Edward reassured her. "Bella and Sue are with her now. They will take care of her, I'm sure."

Carlisle immediately shifted from sympathetic father to doctor mode at his son's statement. "Has she seen a doctor?" _They won't be able to get a prosecution without an examination and evidence…_

"From Seth's thoughts, I'm presuming the wolves will deal with this without involving the police," Edward replied. "Leah simply wants to pretend it never happened."

"I'm not sure how it works for the wolves but I doubt that is ever going to be possible," Carlisle sighed. _Our dear Rosalie is an example of that._

His father's thoughts towards his eldest daughter were tender and filled with compassion. Rosalie would likely carry her experience with her forever, no matter how hard she tried to forget.

"Wait a minute," Carlisle suddenly interjected. _How could she possibly have been taken advantage of? Leah Clearwater is a wolf, is she not? Wolves are far stronger than humans so I don't understand why she didn't simply fight him off. She must be more than capable._

Edward countered unhappily. "I thought that, too, until I smelled it lingering in her blood. Rohypnol. Her body was burning through it pretty quickly but there was just enough for me to detect."

 _Oh, nooo!_ Esme would have wept if it were possible. "But you said Leah is with Bella and her mother, right?"

At Edward's nod, she managed a tentative smile. "Then she will be fine." _Eventually_.

Edward wasn't as sure as his mother but he hoped Leah Clearwater would recover from her ordeal. Nobody deserved such a thing to happen to them and he was genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. She was Bella's sister and important to her; therefore, she was important to him. Of course, he would have been concerned, regardless. He had seen firsthand the damage such an ordeal could cause through Rosalie's mind.

As ever, his thoughts soon turned to Bella. She had done quite a number on his poor, dead heart this morning but he would gladly take the confusion since it gave him hope. Not knowing what he would do if she never called, he decided to simply keep the faith and pray that that eventuality would never come to pass.

Bella _would_ call…he was convinced of it. _When_ she would call, however…well, that was a different matter entirely. It didn't matter, though. He would wait forever for Bella Swan.


	16. Revelations

**Hi Guys! Firstly, thank you to Rita01tx again for an awesome job on this chapter! Thank you to all you lovely lot with your amazing reviews. Hopefully some questions will be answered in this chapter and hopefully you'll also have a lot more when its finished :) This week I wrote a plan for this story and if all goes to plan then it should be about 38 chapters :) Anyway, I will ssh and let you get on :) Enjoy!**

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Revelations

April 2009

She saw it as she passed by her sister's bedroom door. The cup of tea she had placed there the night before was still there completely untouched. She sighed as she bent down to retrieve it, her gaze falling onto the door which was just as firmly closed as it had been for weeks. Bella's brief sense of hope evaporated once again at the sight but giving up wasn't an option. She stood and raised her free hand to knock gently.

"Leah, it's me," she called, her voice as gentle as the tap of her knuckles against the wood.

Her morning ritual received the same response as always…silence.

Eventually, Bella turned away from the door and headed to the kitchen where she was greeted with the sight of an empty kitchen. Sue had left for work early that morning and Seth was out with the pack once again. The pack had, of course, heard about what had happened to Leah and they were banding together to find the man responsible. Even Jacob was playing nice and helping. However, despite the pack's efforts, they continued to draw a blank.

Bella was leaning against the kitchen counter alternately nibbling on a piece of toast and sipping coffee when Seth finally made an appearance. Instantly swiveling to place her mug and toast on the counter behind, she turned to her brother expectantly.

"Anything?" she quizzed at his approach.

"Nothing that makes any sense," he grumbled, plopping heavily into a seat at the table.

Bella frowned and waited for further explanation. Much to her frustration, none was apparently forthcoming.

"You want some breakfast?" she asked, thinking a belly full of food might soften him up.

Seth lifted his head hopefully and Bella busied herself making a meal large enough to satisfy her ravenous brother. As bacon and eggs sizzled and spat in the pan, she used the time it took to cook to grill her brother further.

"What were you saying earlier?" she asked, poking the bacon with a spatula. "You know…about what you found not making sense?"

Seth sighed. "Well, it's kinda complicated."

"Try me," she suggested. "Maybe fresh ideas will help."

"I doubt it," he snorted as she placed a loaded plate down in front of him.

Bella winced at being discounted so easily and tried not to look offended.

"Please tell me, Seth," she insisted softly. "She's my sister, too. I want to help."

Seth had devoured almost all Bella's delicious food before replying.

"There's not much to say," he whined, squirming to avoid the real question again. "You're better off talking to Sam."

Bella rolled her eyes.

"And Sam will just dance around the question like you are doing," she accused. "Surely, you know I'll find out eventually."

Seth stared directly at her with big, dark puppy eyes. "I hope you do, Bella."

She frowned. "Well, if you hope I find out, why can't you just tell me?"

"Go and see Sam."

Bella studied his gaze for a moment when sudden understanding struck. Her pinched brow smoothed out and looked sympathetically at her brother.

"Gag order?"

Seth jerked his head up and down once before repeating himself.

"Go and see Sam."

Determined not to waste another minute, Bella dashed from the kitchen and headed up to her room. There, she changed out of her pajamas and dressed for the day before heading back downstairs and through the kitchen. She passed Seth on her way to the front door and he immediately stood to follow her.

"'I'd better come with you," he told her. "I'm going to get it in the neck for this at some point anyway."

She shrugged indifferently and slipped on her ballet flats, grabbed her keys from the hook and shoved them into a jeans pocket. Within seconds, they were walking steadily towards Sam's place which was only a few minutes down the road so it didn't take them long. Bella didn't even have to knock for Sam to know he had uninvited company.

"I thought I told you not to say anything," Sam scolded when he saw Seth.

Seth had the decency to hang his head at the reprimand as Sam stood back to let them in.

"He didn't say anything," Bella explained. "He didn't have to. You should know by now you can't keep secrets from me, Sam."

Sam closed the door behind them just as Emily reached the bottom step of the staircase. Underneath her eyes were dark circles and a baby monitor was clipped in the belt loops of her jeans. Despite her tired appearance, Emily smiled when she saw Bella.

"Bella," she greeted, moving to hug the other woman. "I haven't seen you properly in a long while. You look well and, oooh, your hair looks gorgeous."

Bella blushed, as ever finding it difficult to accept a compliment.

"Thanks," she muttered awkwardly, pushing a strand of her newly shoulder length hair behind her ear. "Sue did it. She's not quite as creative as Leah, though."

"No," Emily agreed. "But it does look lovely. Do you want coffee? Oops; I think we only have decaf."

Bella shuddered. Decaffeinated coffee was a poor excuse for coffee.

"No, thank you. I've just had some," she replied.

Noticing the impatient expression on her husband's face, Emily's smile faded slightly.

"Well, I'm sure you have things to discuss," she murmured. "I'll leave you to it."

Sam reached over to squeeze Emily's hand apologetically, motioning for Bella and Seth to take a seat once she was gone. He took a seat at the head of the table while Bella sat beside Seth.

"So," he began. "I suppose you want to know what we found last night?"

"Well, yes," Bella replied. "Seth couldn't say much."

Sam smirked, acknowledging Seth's compulsion to follow his orders. "I didn't think it wise for you to know until we had more information."

"Please, Sam," she pleaded. "I could help if you just would let me. You know I can."

Sam had been reluctant for Bella to be privy to information before. He had always been very protective of pack secrets…well, until her knowledge had helped bring down Victoria. Not long afterwards, he had started to trust her and even more so once she started dated Jacob. Her involvement with him had cemented her connection to the pack in a more intimate way and he knew she was more than a little irritated their failed relationship appeared to have forced her out of the inner circle once again.

"You know you can trust me, Sam," she continued. "I just want to help."

"In this case, Bella, I'm not so sure you can," he sighed.

"Try me."

Leaning back, Sam crossed his arms over his broad, bare chest. He appeared lost in thought for an annoyingly long time and Bella was just about ready to lose it when he finally started talking.

"Paul, Jared and Jacob were scanning Port Angeles last night," he explained. "Paul picked up a scent we'd never come across before. It was similar to ours but different. You see, Bella, there's not a wolf in this area I don't know about. When a new guy phases, he is instantly linked to us. But this scent…it was different. None of us recognize it."

Bella found herself frowning at Sam.

"Is it possible someone with the wolf gene could change without you knowing? Like, maybe if they were an outsider?" Bella theorized.

"Impossible," Sam replied, shaking his head. "Even if one of our tribe had a child with an outsider and the child developed the gene, I'd know. It wouldn't matter where they were, they would be linked with us. We may not be able to hear their thoughts or communicate but we would be aware of their presence in the group. Does that make sense, Bella?"

"Yes," she replied. "But what if the scent was a wolf? Like an ordinary wolf?"

"No, the smell is not the same. Besides, this was in the back alleys of Port Angeles," Sam insisted.

Bella went quiet while her mind raced around in circles grasping at any idea that might fit this scenario…a wolf scent that didn't belong to a pack member but also didn't belong to an ordinary wolf. The man who had attacked Leah had been capable of subduing her and had, so far, disappeared without a trace. She thought for a long time, pretty sure the conclusion she had reached was a complete load of nonsense. Then again, two years ago, vampires had been a complete load of nonsense. With this reasoning as back-up, she took a deep breath and voiced her insane theory.

"Last night was a full moon," she proposed. "You don't suppose…"

Both Sam and Seth tensed, the contraction of their muscles visible since neither wore a shirt.

"I mean, I know it's probably nonsense," she started, "But I know you guys aren't technically werewolves so it's entirely possible real werewolves could exist, don't you think?"

Dumbfounded, Sam's jaw dropped, his face growing paler by the minute. Without a word, he stood and motioned for Seth to follow him as he turned and headed for the back door.

"Hey, wait!" Bella cried, jumping up to follow after them. However, they would always be faster and, before she could catch up with them, Sam had already phased. Seth turned to look back at her, his face grim.

"Thanks, Bells," he said, smiling despite the dejection on his face. "I knew you would think of something we couldn't. But, please…can you go home and stay with Leah, now? For all we know, she could still be in danger."

"Do werewolves actually exist, though?" she wondered out loud, her concern for Leah exploding.

Seth shrugged. "I don't know but it's the best lead we've had in weeks. I'll be home soon, I promise."

Before Bella could make a move to hug him, he turned, phased and followed after Sam leaving her to stare out into the forest until she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder.

"Are you sure you don't want that coffee?" Emily offered again, smiling sadly at Bella.

Bella took a step back. "Sorry, but I really should get back."

"Well, give my best to Leah," she said.

"I will," Bella sighed. "When she actually talks to me."

Emily's eyed turned as sad as her smile. "It was terrible thing, what happened to her."

"Yes," she replied, tears stinging her eyes. "I should never have left her. If only I'd been stronger…"

Before she could protest, Emily had pulled Bella into a hug.

"You can't waste your life on 'what ifs' and 'if onlys,' Bella. What's important now is that we're there for her. I would try to talk to her myself but I don't think it would help. I don't think she's ever really forgiven me."

Bella didn't like to say it but Emily was completely right. Leah would probably never forgive her for what had happened with Sam. Bella sighed and disentangled herself from Emily's grasp.

"Yeah, you're probably right," she told her. "I have to go, now. She shouldn't really be alone."

Emily nodded knowingly.

"Anything you need, just ask, okay?" she offered.

Bella lifted a hand in a short wave of acknowledgement and quickly exited Sam's house. As she walked back home, an errant thought struck her. Climbing up the porch steps and entering a house still as silent and lifeless as it had been this morning before Seth had arrived, Bella's steps dragged up the stairs, so focused on her current mental contortions, she failed to notice Leah's bedroom door was open a crack.

Once in her room, she headed straight for her closet to dig around for the black backpack she had been given almost four months ago. That tempting thought surfaced again and she hesitated. _Can I really do this?_ she thought. _For Leah, yes I can_ , she decided, pulling the backpack out of the closet. When she emptied its contents out onto her bed, the money Rosalie had given her fell out along with the wrappers from her long forgotten lunch, a balled up cable with a plug attached and the sleek black cell phone she had used only once.

Bella was grateful for the cable since the phone's battery had long since died. She went over to her computer and booted it up, passing the time by googling 'werewolves' as the phone charged. Her patience ran out an hour later. Seth wasn't home yet and Google had been less than helpful so she was left with little choice. Flipping open the cell phone, she turned it on. Once it loaded, she spotted the text message she had been ignoring for so long. Curiosity called to her now, though, and she opened the message with little hesitation.

 _"I know you want to be left alone and I understand that but, if you ever need us for anything, please call."_

 _Convenient_ , Bella thought, clicking open the contact information of the message's sender. She focused her mind on Leah as she hit the call button and pressed the phone to her ear. A generic ring tone was all she heard for a few seconds and the longer it lasted, the more she began to debate whether this was the right thing to do. She was about to hang up when a male voice she recognized answered.

"Rosalie's Escort Service, Emmett speaking. May I assist you?"

She bit her knuckle to fight back laughter as her spirits lifted, however temporarily, at the comic relief Emmett offered.

"Yes, actually," she replied, unable to resist. "I ordered an escort from your service last night and I would like to lodge a formal complaint."

By now, Bella was certain Emmett knew exactly who he was speaking to but that didn't stop his continued presence.

"Rose, we got another compliant," he hollered with his hand lightly covering the mouthpiece and Bella struggled to keep her composure. "What seems to be the problem, madam?"

Bella hesitated, debating a couple crazy ideas before finally deciding on the best response.

"Well," she began, barely holding it together. "The man you sent had, like, zero stamina. It was simply laughable. I mean, he could barely keep up with me after only four rounds."

Emmett's loud guffaw was infectious and she found herself giggling along with him.

"Four rounds in one night, huh?" he asked, once his laughter had subsided. "Were you trying to kill the poor man?"

Bella sniggered. "I will have you know my personal best is nine and I expect the men I hire to keep up with me."

Emmett laughed so hard, he actually had to take a breath before he was able to reply.

"Jeez, Bells," he chortled gleefully. "I think you just broke Edward."

Her amusement fled instantly and she debated hanging up multiple times. However, when the voice on the other end of the phone changed and she was addressed by Rose, she was glad she didn't.

"Please excuse, Emmett," she stated. "He's an idiot. I was in the shower and he clearly thinks he's a comedian."

Bella breathed a small laugh. Emmett had been funny, well…when she wasn't aware Edward was listening.

"Did you need something, Bella?" Rose prodded at her silence. "Now, don't get me wrong…it's good to hear from you but I assumed you wouldn't, you know, call, unless you actually needed something."

Reminded of her reason for calling, Bella found her voice.

"Yes," she began. "I did need something."

"Okay, I'm listening," Rose responded.

"It's going to sound stupid," she continued, pausing when she realized just how stupid this conversation was going to sound.

"I'm sure it isn't stupid, Bella," Rose surprised Bella by genuinely trying to reassure her.

"Okay…you asked for it," Bella groaned before rushing on. "Do werewolves exist? Not like Leah and Seth but real ones? Like, the bitten and only changing on a full moon kind?"

"Oh, for the love of all that is holy, Edward was right! You _are_ a danger magnet!" Rose exclaimed. "How in the hell did you come across a werewolf?"

She heard faint voices as a snarl and a crash rang out in the background. She tried hard not to think about who was making those noises.

"So, they are real?" Bella gasped.

"Well, duh! Of course they are," Rose confirmed. "But, seriously, Bella…they are more dangerous than you realize…"

Rose continued to talk but Bella had stopped listening when she had heard a noise coming from the bathroom down the hall. She rose from the bed and, with Rose chattering away in her ear, she left her bedroom and wandered slowly down the hall.

"Bella, are you even listening to me?" Rose asked, her voice growing louder in volume and increasingly urgent.

"No," Bella stated quietly. "I'll call you later."

"Bel…!" Rose exclaimed as the call was disconnected.

"Leah?" Bella called as she approached the open bathroom door.

Her sister mumbled a response but Bella didn't catch it. A couple of steps into the bathroom, the smell of vomit hit her. Leah sat with her back up against the bathtub looking paler than Bella had ever seen her. Without another word, Bella moved slowly to sit beside her sister on the cold, bathroom floor.

"You okay?" She asked, knowing her question was stupid.

The look Leah shot back confirmed it…her question was stupid.

"Sorry," Bella mumbled, hanging her head.

They sat in silence for a good few minutes, the phone Bella still held in her hand buzzing nearly continuously. Her attention was finally pulled away from Leah long enough to flip it back open. Two missed calls from Rose's number. Bella sighed and quickly typed out a response.

 _I'm fine._ _Leah's sick. Will call later._

She flipped it closed and focused on her sister.

"So, when did this start?" she asked.

Leah's voice was too quiet when she replied. "About four days ago."

Completely stunned, Bella's eyes grew wide. "Four days ago? Wait, if you'd been vomiting for four days, your mom and I would have noticed."

Leah shook her head and explained. "Usually doesn't happen this late in the morning. Normally, it's around four am.

Bella frowned and scolded her sister lightly. "You probably need a doctor, Leah. Why didn't you say anything?"

Tears gathered in Leah's eyes. "I thought I could ignore it if none of you knew."

"Ignore what?" Bella cried, immediately regretting her curiosity when Leah dissolved into sobs.

Bella's sister had always been stronger than most women. It was difficult to see her fall apart like this. Now, however it was Bella's turn to be strong.

"Leah, I can't help you unless you explain," Bella coaxed, doing her best to sound assertive.

It took Leah a few minutes to get control of herself and when she finally spoke, Bella's blood ran cold.

"I'm late, Bells," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I'm late and I keep throwing up. Doesn't take a genius to know I'm screwed. That _man_ has utterly and completely ruined my life."

Bella felt like throwing up herself. The man in the alley hadn't just ripped away Leah's spirit, he had also left her with something far worse. And what if he was a werewolf, like they thought? What would it mean for Leah and her child?

"Have to call Sam," Bella muttered to herself as she rose from the floor, her mind shifting into overdrive. "You're going to need help."

"Nooo! Bella, don't! Please you can't tell Sam!" Leah cried, overcome with another wave of sickness just as Bella picked up the flip phone and called the familiar number.

"Hello?" Emily answered after several rings. She sounded stressed and Bella could hear the sounds of the couple's child crying loudly in the background.

"Emily," she said, her voice portraying the urgency she felt the situation demanded. "Is Sam home, yet?"

"Sorry, Bella," Emily replied. "He's not."

"Damn it," Bella cursed. "Can you send him over here as soon as gets in?"

"Of course," Emily promised, ending their conversation abruptly to tend her offspring.

Bella stood in the upstairs hallway internally screaming countless swear words on a repeated loop when she heard the back door slam. Seth looked thoroughly exhausted but not as breathless as Bella when she hurried into the room.

"Need Sam," she blurted through deep gasps for breath.

Seth frowned and threw questions at her she was too panicked to answer.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Stuff and things," she puffed out. "Go get Sam!"

Seth looked completely confused but hurried back out the door to find Sam. Bella had caught her breath again by the time he reappeared with Sam at his heels. Unfortunately for the conversation Bella wished to have with Sam, Leah had also recovered and was making her way down the stairs.

"Bella, what's the problem? Has something happened?" Sam asked as he approached.

"Werewolves do exist, Sam," she told him, her voice ringing with urgency. "I called Rose and she told me they do."

"Rose?" Sam growled. "One of the fucking bloodsuckers?"

"Yes!" Bella replied hurriedly. "But it's worse! Leah, she's…"

"Going to kill you slowly and painfully if you say so much as another word," Leah hissed murderously, cutting her sister off mid-sentence.

All eyes turned towards the stairs were Leah now stood. She was still dressed in her pajamas and looked sickly pale but they were the most words any of them had heard from her in weeks.

"I'm so sorry," Bella said after a few seconds, her expression a mixture of panic and sympathy. "I really am, Leah, and you can hurt me if you want. I don't care as long as you're safe but they need to know."

Leah held Bella's gaze, tears still sitting in her eyes as she bowed her head and spoke again.

"Fine," she conceded. "But I need to do this myself, Bella."

Bella grabbed her hand as Leah looked up to face her ex-boyfriend and pack leader.

"I think I'm pregnant," she admitted very quietly.

Sam and Seth both looked horrified and Leah became more and more confused as the silence surrounding her grew increasingly tense.

"Now," she began, her throat already aching from talking so much after her extended silence. "Is someone going to explain to me what all this has to do with why werewolves exist?"

Bella watched the two men exchange worried glances at Leah's question. Of course, her sister deserved some form of explanation as to why she had panicked so badly but, for the life of her, she just didn't know where to begin. How could she explain that the man who had attacked and possibly impregnated her could, potentially, be a werewolf? She was getting worked up over a lot of possibilities and theories but they were scary, worrisome theories. Bella smiled sadly. Leah had been through a hell of a lot in the weeks since the incident in Port Angeles and she didn't need more problems right now but it was important she know everything. She was about to explain when Sam beat her to it.

When he was done, Leah stared at him as if he had grown a second head.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" she cried, close to tears again. "What happened…is happening to me is not a fucking joke, Sam."

Too furious to continue, Leah turned and stomped back up the stairs. The others stood in the kitchen in silence after her departure, Bella jumping slightly as Leah's bedroom door slammed shut. She looked over at Sam to see determination written all over his face.

"We need proof," he announced, marching towards the back door. "Get some sleep, Seth. We'll gather the pack in the morning and find that son of a bitch if it's the last thing we do."

Bella watched him go and turned to Seth. Utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally, he didn't speak to Bella as he moved towards the stairs. Running on pure instinct, by now, Bella got to work making tea. Sue had always considered tea more smoothing than coffee and Bella had learned well. She made two cups and headed upstairs. Although Seth's door was wide open, she found him passed out face down on his bedspread when she entered. Leaving it on his bedside table for him all the same, she left him to sleep and closed his door behind her.

She continued up the hall to Leah's room and found it firmly shut once again. From inside, she could hear her sister's faint cries. Even though Bella knew exactly what response she would receive, she knocked regardless. When she was met with silence, she placed the cup of tea on the floor by the door and told Leah what she doing.

Having done all she could do, for now, she went to her own room, sat herself down in the middle of her bed and sniffed back unshed tears. She replayed everything multiple times before worry got the better of her and she pick up her phone.

"Bella, are you okay?" Rosalie cried the instant she answered the phone.

"Yes, I'm fine," she replied. "But is Carlisle there?"

"Yes, he's here," Rose stated. "Do you want to speak to him?"

Bella bobbed her head before realizing Rose couldn't see her and replied verbally.

"Yes," she admitted reluctantly. "I really need his advice on something…"


	17. Conversations with Carlisle

**Hello my lovelies! It appears that the last chapter was not quite expected :P I wouldn't be doing my job as author if you did expect every twist and turn now would I? Most of you seemed to like the twist and I'm glad about that. However, I am going to have to disappoint a few of you but, there wont be a hybrid baby in this story. Unless you count Leah's as one, which I like too lol Anyway! Thanks to Rita01tx for her excellent beta'ing skills once again with this chapter! And thanks to all you lovely lot for your wonderful reviews! Hope you enjoy!**

 **Songs in this chapter: Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You & Miley Cyrus - The Climb (chosen because Kristen Stewart mentioned in an interview how much the song empowered her during filming new moon!) **

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Conversations with Carlisle

Bella was sitting in the middle of her bed thinking over the limited information Carlisle had been able to offer when Sue's car pulled into the driveway. It really hadn't been much but he had promised to contact an old friend of his and get back to her. This friend had apparently spent time with the Volturi and would likely know much more about their dealings with the werewolf population. Despite his own lack of knowledge, he did repeat Rosalie's warning that werewolves were exceedingly dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Of course, Bella being who she was simply shrugged it off. After all, how dangerous could your garden variety werewolf be compared to bad ass shapeshifters and immortal vampires?

Shoving the cell phone into her pocket, she first checked in on Seth…still fast asleep, and Leah…silent as ever, before heading downstairs. Both cups of tea were cold and untouched so she picked them up and dropped them into the sink when she entered the kitchen.

Sue was busy putting away the groceries when she noticed Bella's appearance.

"Hi, darling", she sang brightly. "You all right?"

Bella nodded and muttered a response. "Compared to everyone else, I'm great."

Sue placed the milk into the refrigerator and turned to study Bella's face.

"Why? What's happened?" she queried.

Bella swallowed nervously. "You need to talk to Leah. She needs you, even if she might not admit it."

Sue's sudden inhale was audible as she shoved the grocery sack in her direction and hurried upstairs. Without being told, Bella put away the rest of the shopping and, once that was done, started cooking. She chose a meal that would take a while to prepare and cook in order to give Leah time with her mother. Choosing a complicated meal also allowed her thoughts to run free, something she definitely needed today.

By the time the oven timer dinged almost an hour later, she was so lost in her own head she jumped a foot off her chair. The sound also gained the attention of the rest of her family, especially Seth who had been hovering between wakefulness and sleep ever since the scent of his sister's cooking had invaded his nostrils. He plodded sleepily into the kitchen a few minutes later still appearing tired but not as much as before. His clothes were wrinkled as was his left cheek where he had quite clearly lain against a creased bedspread.

"Fooood!" he moaned plaintively, plopping down at the table. She doubted Leah would come down for dinner and was dismayed to realize how long it had actually been since she had sat down to eat with them.

Bella giggled and shook her head at his pathetic imitation of a starving zombie. Grabbing cutlery from the drawer, she placed them onto the table, pulled plates from the cupboard and served up the stew into bowls. She was in the process of buttering slices of bread when footsteps approached. It was impossible to hide her surprise when Leah followed her mother into the kitchen. Smiling gently, she forced herself to focus on what she was doing since drawing attention to Leah's venture from her room would only make things more difficult for her. Within minutes, bowls of stew found their own onto the table along with the stack of thickly buttered bread.

"There's more in the pot if anyone wants it," she informed her family, taking her place at the table. The meal passed in near complete silence. At first, mealtimes like this had been eerie but she had grown used to them over the last few weeks.

"Damn, this is good, Bells," Seth praised, finally breaking the silence as he grabbed a slice of bread from the slowly decreasing pile and wiped up the dregs from the bottom of his bowl.

"There is more…" she repeated, watching him scrape the bottom of his bowl. He practically threw himself from his seat to go refill his bowl. Bella found herself laughing when he returned holding the pot by the handle and eating from it with his spoon.

"Well, there _was_ more…" she snorted.

"Seriously?" Sue asked at the sight of her son. "What if someone else wants seconds?"

"Sorry, but after everything today…" he justified, looking guilty for about two seconds. "I'm just really hungry."

Sue shook her head and paused as if she had more to say when Leah interrupted. The sound of her voice was somewhat of a shock to hear after so many weeks.

"You think _you're_ hungry?" she huffed, reaching over to snatch the pot from her brother and pouring half the contents into her own bowl before handing it back to him.

Rather than taking offense, Seth was grinning at his sister even as he continued to scarf down the rest of the stew and half the bread. Finally satisfied he had eaten all there was, he dumped the pan back onto the table, stretched and burped so loud his mother cringed.

"Sorry," he muttered, to which Sue simply rolled her eyes and began clearing the dishes. Bella rose from her seat, too, but was quickly scolded.

"You cooked, Bella," Sue stated. "I'll clean."

"But I…" Bella started to argue, only to be shot down.

"No," her stepmother insisted. "I've got this."

Bella fell back into her chair but stood again only a few minutes later when she felt the cell phone in her pocket vibrating. She jumped up and pulled it free, unaware of the curious stares from the members of her family.

"Carlisle," she answered. "What did you find out?"

"Well," he replied. "I spoke to Eleazar and he definitely knows rather a lot more than I do about this. He is more than willingly to come down here to speak to you, if you wish, and he is perfectly happy to speak to the pack leader, too, if Sam would be willing."

"That's very kind, Carlisle," Bella responded, just a little surprised by the generosity of Carlisle's friend. "But I'll have to speak to Sam and…let you know soon."

"Yes, of course," Carlisle agreed easily. "Was there anything else you needed help with?"

Bella knew exactly to what he was alluding.

"No," she sighed heavily. "I'm good but thanks. I'll call you tomorrow."

She vaguely heard him wish her 'goodbye' before she hung up. After everything they had put her through, both with leaving and with basically holding her prisoner for a week, it was difficult to tolerate conversing with any of them, especially Carlisle. She held him most responsible for her hellish week and, although she was grateful for the freedom from addiction, she still resented being given little choice about the detox and most certainly being lied to by a man she had held in great respect. Despite her diminished opinion of the him, she needed Carlisle's help and she was prepared to tolerate him in order to help Leah.

She flipped the phone shut and returned her attention to her family. Three almost identical stares of disbelief tinged with curiosity greeted her.

"Dr. Cullen?" Sue was the first to question her.

Bella nodded. "Yes, he's helping…" she looked towards Seth, trying to signal her meaning through a weighted look. "With something important."

Seth eyes widened with surprise just enough to show he understood her. However subtle this change may have been, it wasn't subtle enough for Leah not to notice.

"Whatever code you two are using, drop it and explain," she accused bluntly.

Bella averted her eyes and tried to think of way to delicately bring up the subject Sam had attempted to explain earlier in the day.

"Sam already told you," she admitted gently, eventually deciding honesty was the definitely the best policy. "He wasn't lying or joking, Leah. He meant every word he said."

Leah's expression swiftly shifted from curiosity to disbelief.

"It's just a theory," Bella blurted at the look on Leah's face. "But it is something we need to investigate, for your sake if nothing else."

Leah rolled her eyes and muttered. "You're all completely insane."

Before Bella could protest or explain any further, Leah rose from her seat and turned to walk away. To the surprise of them all, she headed out to the back garden instead of taking the stairs back up to her room. Bella quickly followed after her, trailed by an anxious Seth. Sue just shook her head, confused by their conversation, and continued washing the dishes from their dinner.

By the time Bella and Seth caught up with her, Leah stood staring out into the forest.

"Leah, I know it's hard to believe but we're not making this stuff up," Seth swore gently as he came up beside his sister.

She made no reply but continued facing away from them to stare out into the trees.

"Leah?" Bella pressed after a minute or two of silence. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do it," she finally whispered.

Seth spoke before Bella could. "Do what?"

Leah turned towards them both, her face deathly pale. She looked shocked and not a little horrified.

"I tried to phase but nothing happened," she complained.

Seth's eyes snapped wide in surprise while Bella just looked completely confused.

"Oh. Well, maybe you're just having an off day?" she offered.

"Of course!" Leah snapped sarcastically. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Despite the smack down, Bella beamed at the reemergence of her sister's personality. She had actually been missing the casual snarkiness she usually received from Leah Clearwater.

"This isn't funny, Bella!" Leah cried at the sight of her friend's smile. "I can't phase!"

Seth shook his head. "No," he argued. "Right now, you can't phase. It's probably just because you haven't in a while."

"No," Leah countered. "Something's wrong. I just know it…"

Bella almost thought better of offering her next suggestion. "What if it's…you know?"

Her eyes flickered briefly at Leah's stomach but it was just long enough to make Leah gasp.

"I don't even know if I am, yet," she whined, her eyes growing increasingly concerned.

"I know but maybe you should see a doctor," Bella proposed.

Leah scoffed at the notion. "And what good would that do? I can't exactly explain the problem to a doctor, Bella."

At Leah's words, an idea formed in Bella's mind brought on by the conversation she had only recently had. Leah wasn't going to like it but it wasn't as if there were any other options.

"What if there _was_ a doctor you could explain it to?"

Leah's body language shifted as she began to understand exactly who Bella was suggesting.

"Fuck, no!" she shrieked. "That _leech_ isn't coming anywhere near me!"

XXX

It took a long time to convince Leah to do what needed to be done. Three full days, to be exact, but Bella had needed that time to convince herself to do this, too. What with everything going on, seeing the Cullens was inevitable but actively seeking their help? That was difficult for her to even contemplate. Which was why the engine of the borrowed car currently idled about ten minutes distance from the Cullen residence. She had been forced to pull over when a panic attack had taken hold of her. Her breathing had just begun to even out and her white knuckles were in the process of unclenching themselves from the steering wheel when she heard Leah swearing softly beside her.

"If you can't even do this, Bells," Leah reproached. "Why are you trying to make me?"

Bella shook her head and steadied herself before turning to face her sister in the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "It's just - that house – it's… Oh, never mind. I can do this."

She wasn't completely convinced of her own bravado but forced herself to continue onward with their drive. Feeling sick to her stomach, she finally turned the corner onto their gravel driveway. Memories of long ago days exploded into the forefront of her mind and her body teetered on the edge of another panic attack as she pulled the car up in front of the house.

Just as with her memories, she forced her panic down for Leah's sake and killed the engine. The sound of their arrival had surely alerted the Cullens to their presence. Bella knew she should have called ahead instead of simply turning up but, the moment Leah had agreed, she had grabbed Sue's keys and bundled her into the car before she could change her mind.

"I changed my mind," Leah muttered as the front door opened.

Esme's sudden appearance on the top step did little to comfort either woman. Bella looked over at her sister to remind herself why she was doing this. Leah's anxious face gave her the courage she needed and, pulling the keys from the ignition, she exited the vehicle.

"Bella," Esme exclaimed, as if she hadn't known who it was. The pretense did little to stop Bella's irritation growing. "It's so wonderful to see you and your friend."

Leah, who now stood beside Bella, turned to raise one eyebrow at her.

"Is she for real?" she asked, not even attempting to hide her disdain.

Bella simply nodded, forcing herself to smile at Esme.

"Sorry to just turn up unexpectedly," she began only for Esme to cut her off.

"Oh, my darling," Esme gushed, much to both girls' disgust. "You are welcome here whenever you like."

"Riiight…" Leah murmured. "I'm gonna need a cigarette if I have to deal with Donna Reed over there."

Bella bit her lip to keep from sniggering.

"Sorry," Bella apologized as Leah walked away. "We just came to see Carlisle..."

Esme's smiled kindly and Bella began to feel a little guilty over Leah's snide comment. She looked over to see a cigarette pressed between her sister's lips and, for the first time, it registered what was wrong with this picture. Striding determinedly up beside her, she snatched the cigarette from her hand.

"You can't do that anymore," Bella hissed.

Leah rolled her eyes. "You don't know that," she retorted.

Bella's response was to throw the cigarette onto the ground and stomp it into the dirt. Bella could tell Leah was quietly seething about the whole thing as Carlisle joined his wife on the steps. This was confirmed by the next words out of her mouth.

"If I have to quit, so do you," her sister muttered bitterly in her ear.

Her face must have gone suddenly pale since Carlisle's face quickly changed to concern.

"Are you all right, Bella?"

She paused to force her mind into the present and replied, remembering why they were here. "I'm fine but I didn't come here for me."

"Oh?" he queried, eyebrows slightly raised in curiosity.

"Can we talk in private?" she asked, knowing privacy wasn't something easily achieved in this family.

"Of course. Esme, can you get the others to disperse, please?" Carlisle requested.

Smiling gently in acknowledgement, she turned and went back inside the house. The whooshing sounds of swiftly departing vampires followed almost instantly. Bella hated to have made them all leave but taking a step inside the house was going to be difficult enough without everyone watching and listening, just as the conversation with Carlisle would be. She felt Leah tense as Carlisle motioned for them to enter.

"You can do this," Bella whispered encouragingly as she walked beside Leah up the steps and into the house. Thankfully, her sister was completely distracted the moment they stepped inside.

"Holy fuck," Leah cursed under her breath as they entered. "Are they millionaires or something?"

Carlisle chuckled at the comment, even if it wasn't meant for his ears, and simply shrugged. "And then some but I am sure most people would be if they lived long enough."

Leah's impressed look vanished at the reminder of just who was doing the impressing. Her expression morphed into complete neutrality as Carlisle lead them both through the house. Bella wished she could be that strong and indifferent as they reached the living room. Instead, her feet stilled in the doorway and her heart racing when her eyes fell onto the space where the table had stood on the day of her ill-fated birthday party. Images of shattered glass, stinging pain and a snarling Jasper overwhelmed her.

"Bella, it's okay," Leah spoke tenderly and it was then Bella realized she was shaking. "It's just a memory. It can't hurt you."

"I call bullshit," Bella hissed through clinched teeth as she fought for control. "Memories always cause the worst kind of pain."

Leah grabbed her by the shoulders and looked directly into her eyes. "You are stronger than you think you are. Do you understand me?"

Bella held her sister's gaze and slowly began to calm, evading a panic attack by the skin of her teeth. Intrigued, Carlisle stared at the pair of them but refrained from asking questions. Instead, he offered a distraction by drawing Bella back to the task at hand.

"Shall we talk in my office?" he suggested.

Bella nodded and, before she could be gripped by panic again, motioned for Leah to accompany her as she followed Carlisle upstairs. Remembering the way, she tried to stay focused on Leah and the reasons that had brought them both here. Once they reached his office, Carlisle gestured for them to sit but Leah shook her head and remained standing, at least until Bella coaxed her into a chair.

"So," Carlisle started after a tense silence. "How can I help you?"

Leah's gaze was firmly planted on the carpeted floor, her whole posture dismissive, as if she could avoid this conversation by simply looking away and refusing to acknowledge it.

"Well," Bella sighed. "It's complicated, I suppose."

Carlisle waited patiently for her to continue. She was grateful for the space as it made it somewhat easier to do just that. However, what she was about to say was going to sound completely insane which was why she had hesitated.

"You know I spoke to you about the whole werewolf thing?"

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, I recall."

"Well, um…" Bella was so on edge in her surroundings, she couldn't help stumbling over her words. "Leah's pregnant…uh, thinks she's pregnant and it…well… Oh, fuck's sake. She thinks she's pregnant and, with everything about werewolves possibly being in Port Angeles, it's just that…"

Leah looked up and rolled her eyes. "Sam and Bella have this ridiculous notion that the man who… _attacked_ me was actually a werewolf and they are worried that, if I am pregnant by him, it could be dangerous for me. See? That wasn't so hard, Bella."

"Thanks," she muttered in reply. "Sorry."

Now, it was Bella's turned to fixate on the floor while Carlisle considered his reply. He was stunned but recovered rather quickly.

"It is certainly possible," he began tentatively.

Bella raised her head just as Leah's face went white.

"Werewolves are people who have been born or bitten and it's usually the former so they are certainly capable of reproducing in the usual way," he explained. "I do not know much about werewolves as a species…I did tell you this, Bella, but Eleazar will arrive in the next few days and he will be able to clarify what I do know and provide us all with much needed insight, I am sure."

Leah had turned a little green by the time he had finished speaking but surprised them both with her reply. "Do you always talk like that? Like you were born a hundred years ago?"

"Leah!" Bella hissed, worried her sister had just offended the only help they had. She need not have worried, though, since Carlisle chucked lightly at her remark.

"Yes, I tend to," he said. "But, just to clarify, I was born over three hundred years ago. However, that's not so important, right now. What is, is you."

Leah's expression betrayed her discomfort at having the conversation directed back at her. She wasn't looking forward to talking about her problems again.

"Firstly," Carlisle proposed. "I think it would be best if you tested and confirmed whether there is actually any need for this conversation."

"Told you," Bella sang to herself knowing Leah would hear.

She definitely did and Bella knew this when Leah's middle finger was raised in her direction. Bella sighed.

"He is right, Leah," Bella agreed. "You can't avoid testing forever. Well, I guess you can but, if you are, you won't need a test after a few months. Pretty sure you'd notice going into labor…"

"You're rambling again, Bells."

"Sorry," Bella said. "You know what? I need a cigarette. I'll be back in couple of minutes…you guys will probably get further with this conversation without me."

Leah seemed slightly concerned at being left alone with a vampire but nodded anyway to show she had heard. "Enjoy 'cause, if I'm positive, it will be your last."

Bella left the room and made her way back down the stairs. She had been heading towards the front of the house when the memories hit her anew. She wasn't sure how long she stared at the spot on the floor where she had fallen nearly three years ago.

She remembered it all so clearly…

 _"Shoot," she muttered when the paper sliced her finger; she pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut._

 _It all happened very quickly then._

 _"No!" Edward roared._

 _He threw himself at her, flinging her back across the table. It fell, as she did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. She landed in the mess of shattered crystal._

"If I stare long enough," she spoke, sensing his presence. "Do you think it will make it so it never happened?"

"If it hadn't happened, you wouldn't be who you are now," he replied, having appeared in the room to find her staring motionless at a spot on the carpet. To anyone else, it might have appeared strange behavior but he understood perfectly what she was seeing.

"No," she agreed, shaking her head slightly. "I would be like you."

"You still can be…if that's what you want."

She turned suddenly towards him, shocked to the core by his admission.

"I wouldn't want it," she replied. Looking him in the eyes, she watched the hurt settle in them. "I'm not the same anymore. _We're_ not the same anymore."

"We could be," he implored. "Not the same, obviously. But, if you could give me another chance, we could be together again. We could be happy. Together."

She stared at him for the longest time, her mind spinning wildly at the previously impossible future he had just painted. Temptation to give in nearly won her over but, thankfully, for the sake of her sanity, Leah appeared. The announcement of her arrival was enough to shatter whatever hold Edward still possessed over her.

"Can we go, please?" Leah pleaded once she reached them.

Bella nodded and promptly turned her back on Edward. She couldn't bear to say a word, not even goodbye. Not then. Instead, she quickly left with Leah in tow and didn't look back until they had reached the end of the driveway. Her eyes flicked to the rearview mirror and saw him standing at the bottom of the steps watching her drive away. To distract herself from the image of him, she forced out the burning question.

"So, what did Carlisle say?" she asked her sister. "Did you do a test?"

Up until then, Leah had been quiet and Bella could tell something had happened in Carlisle's office.

"Yeah," Leah replied. "Basically, I'm fucked."

Bella glanced over at Leah and saw the worry etched across her face.

"Don't think like that," Bella scolded lightly, pulling onto the main road back towards La Push. "It will be fine. Babies are wonderful."

Leah grimaced at Bella's reply.

"Normal babies are," Leah responded bleakly. "My kid will be anything but normal."

"It would be anything but normal, regardless," Bella stated trying to lighten the mood. "Weird will be in its genes."

Leah's laughter didn't sound quite the same as Bella was used to hearing but it was better than tears.

Leaning forward, Bella turned up the radio as Leah moved her gaze onto the blur of trees and woodland outside the window. She regretted this decision as soon as the words of the song registered.

 _Said you'd never come back,_

 _But here you are again._

 _'Cause we belong together now, yeah._

 _Forever united here somehow, yeah._

 _You got a piece of me,_

 _And honestly,_

 _My life would suck without you._

But her life didn't suck, she insisted to herself. She was getting along just fine without him, wasn't she? Bella dwelled on her conversation with Edward until the beginnings of a headache had her reaching to change stations. Thankfully, the next song was not only something she recognized but rather more empowering.

 _The struggles I'm facing,_ _  
The chances I'm taking,  
Sometimes might knock me down,  
But no, I'm not breaking_ _._

These lyrics brought a smile to her face as she drove towards home and she hoped Leah wouldn't notice how much she was enjoying a Miley Cyrus song. Seriously, she would never live that down. Bella was in luck, however. Leah was far too consumed by her own problems to even register what music was playing. After all, she was going to be a mom to a child conceived through rape at the age of twenty-one.

 _Once Bella left the study, Leah felt quite vulnerable. She couldn't phase and, if the leech came at her, she wouldn't stand a chance. As if he could tell exactly where her mind had gone, Carlisle tried to put her at ease._

 _"Leah, let me assure you I mean you no harm," he spoke in a soft tone. "You can tell me as much or as little as you like. I am here to help you in any way I can."_

 _Words failed her so she simply bobbed her head up and down once in response._

 _"Right. Well, as a first step, I think it would be best if you took that test," he urged. "There is little we can do with maybes."_

 _Leah didn't feel at all comfortable doing this here but, if it would shut them all up, she would submit to it. When she stood from her chair, Carlisle politely escorted her out into the hall and pointed to a door on the left side of the landing at the head of the stairs._

 _It was awkward sitting in a bathroom with the stench of leeches in her nose having to take a test that would have been humiliating and upsetting in most settings. Here, she was as far from her comfort zone as it was possible to be. As soon as it was done, she stuck the cap on the end and went back to the office. Her hands shook around the tiny piece of plastic as she took her seat again._

 _"Why do you even have these?" Leah asked as a distraction from the longest wait of her life. "It's not like any of you…well, you know."_

 _"No, we can't," Carlisle smiled sadly. "But, as a doctor, it behooves me to have a variety of various 'human' necessities on hand in this house in case of emergencies."_

 _"Uh huh," Leah replied. "Cause that's normal."_

 _"Nothing about me or my family is normal and I prefer to be unique. Makes life rather more interesting," Carlisle chuckled. "Now, you…with your current situation, I am sure you are far more unique than I."_

 _Leah followed his gaze down to the plastic stick in her hands and felt physically sick to have her fate confirmed by two solid lines in the window. She swallowed hard as her world crumbled around her._

 _"Normal is boring anyway," she murmured._

 _"Quite right," he agreed._

 _Sixty seconds of silence broke her._

 _"I don't know if I want this," she whimpered as tears threatened to betray her vulnerability._

 _Carlisle sighed knowingly. "You wouldn't be the first woman to think that way. No one would blame you if you chose to end this, especially given the circumstances."_

Leah returned to the present as they crossed the boundary into La Push, so very grateful Bella's attention had been centered on the radio.

She didn't want her to see her big sister cry.


	18. Indecisions and Arrivals

**Hi Guys! Thank you to all you lovely people who reviewed, favourited and followed this story in the last week! You are all amazing, as is my beta Rita01tx! She is fantastic and has worked so hard on this chapter this week despite the heatwave that is happening in Europe right now. We've both been suffering but, chapter 19 has been sent to her today and chapter 18 is all ready for you guys now! Hope you enjoy it! Thanks again, Abbie**

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Indecisions and Arrivals

Bella's scent lingered in the house for days. Esme and Carlisle smiled annoyingly every time they found Edward standing with his eyes closed, inhaling deeply while his nose tracked an errant current of perfumed air. His brothers made lewd, suggestive comments when they caught him at it while Alice reassured him she would return after Eleazar and Carmen arrived. Rose, on the other hand, was unusually quiet. On the whole, his family had become completely insufferable by the time the last hint of strawberry and freesia faded away.

Having spent so many hours downstairs where her scent had been strongest, he escaped to his own room once it was gone. He had just put his headphones firmly in place with Muse playing on his CD player when Alice appeared in his doorway. She smiled lopsidedly when he looked up to acknowledge her.

"You know, much as I hate being in the dark about some things," she said in preface. _There are others I'm rather glad to be wrong about._

Edward frowned in puzzlement and slipped the headphones off before replying.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, expecting her to think the answer. However, now that his ears were uncovered, he noticed the quiet chatter drifting up from below. Her voice was unmistakable and he was upright and moving before he even thought twice but Alice was quick to draw his attention back to reality.

 _She's not alone,_ Alice informed him. _The wolf is with her._

Edward rolled his eyes at 'the wolf,' knowing exactly who she meant.

"Her name is Leah," he chided.

 _I know,_ his sister replied bitterly.

He was able to gather just enough from her thoughts to see that Alice was more than a little jealous of Bella's relationship with the shapeshifter. He should have expected this…her animosity had to stem from somewhere.

Before he could address what he heard in her mind, Alice turned and walked away. He followed but their conversation was abandoned when he caught her scent moments after exiting his room. His feet paused before his desire to be close to her sent him in a different direction than his sister. As he grew nearer, Carlisle's and Leah Clearwater's thoughts gained his attention.

 _They are back sooner than I expected,_ his father mused. _I hope she has come to a decision she can live with._

Edward's ability made doctor-patient confidentiality damn near impossible so he understood all too well the meaning behind Carlisle's ruminations. Even though he and his siblings had been shooed from their home the other day, he had been quick to speak to him as soon as their visitors had departed. At first, his father had tried to block him only for odd snippets of information to slip through his defenses, the most relevant piece of information being that the incident in Port Angeles had left Leah in quite a predicament.

From her thoughts today, however, he could see her mind was made up…she did not want to continue with the pregnancy despite Bella's arguments against termination. Her memories of their disagreement that morning replayed in her mind on a loop and Edward watched.

 _With cigarette smoke swirling around her, Bella sat out on the back porch facing away from her sister. She sucked back another drag of nicotine as Leah approached._

 _"Oh, no you don't," she ranted. "You can't tell me off repeatedly for smoking and then sneak off to do it yourself."_

 _Bella chuckled lightly, presenting her counterargument. "I'm not the one who's pregnant."_

 _They had been arguing half-heartedly about this for two days but Bella refused to give up. Refusing to take the bait, Leah took a seat beside her on the porch step wondering how best to broach the subject before deciding to simply spit it out and get it over with._

 _"Neither will I be, soon," she admitted quietly._

 _Bella choked and coughed on the smoke now stuck in her lungs. Turning to stare at Leah in disbelief, any hint of humor was suddenly gone from the conversation. Although Leah wasn't looking directly at her, the tears welling in her eyes and the cold determination forming on her face said it all._

 _"Leah, you can't," Bella blurted before she could stop herself._

 _Her sister's head snapped around in response, the determined expression solidifying._

 _"Yes, I can," she said simply, as if this situation was in any way simple. "Your bloodsucker doctor said there's a pill he can give me that will take care of it within a few hours. I know you don't agree, being all pro-life and shit. Well, that's great for you…really it is, but this is my life, Bella, and I don't have to put myself through this if I don't want to and I definitely don't want to!"_

 _Stunned, Bella sat lost in thought for a long while before a coherent reply finally formed._

 _"You can't be set on this, though," Bella reasoned. "You haven't had enough time to think it through."_

 _"I've thought of nothing else since we left their house, Bella," Leah cried. "I'm not making this decision lightly, I have thought it through, and I want my life back. Next time you go over, can you pick it up for me?"_

 _Bella's forgotten cigarette dropped ash onto the porch step in the time it took her to think of an answer that wouldn't completely alienate them. Sad Leah would ask her to do that, she shook her head and attempted to reach her sister one more time._

 _"I can't do that, Leah," she said. "I'm sorry but, if you honestly want to do this, you have to face it yourself. Carlisle will need to explain everything properly before you make a decision you can't take back. It's not as simple as you probably think and who knows what kind of complications could happen! It's not exactly a normal pregnancy."_

 _Leah did not appear happy with Bella's standpoint but she didn't seem surprised either._

 _"Fine," she sighed dejectedly. "We can go today."_

 _Rising from the step, she retreated back into the house before Bella could say another word._

So, that was why they had come today. He saw Leah's determination in her mind. She was set on the task at hand and it was all she thought about. Although Bella's mind was silent as usual, he could read her expression through Leah and Carlisle and it was clear she didn't agree with her sister's decision.

When Carlisle suggested going to his study, Edward quickly darted into the nearest room. His father would certainly know of his proximity and it was possible Leah might, too, but Bella definitely wouldn't unless someone commented on his presence. He would just have to trust in Carlisle's discretion and on Leah being too distracted by her situation to notice. As the girls trailed along to the office, Bella hesitated for a few seconds before entering. From his position two rooms down, he could hear their conversation and see it clearly through Leah's mind even though his father was doing his best to block his gift.

"I want to end it," Leah hurriedly announced before she had even taken a seat.

Bella was quick to protest. "You're being too rash about this, Leah. You haven't thought it through."

Leah's eyes narrowed as she glared at Bella, her thoughts explicit in the ugly names she called her sister and Edward's hands balled up into fists. He didn't take too kindly to hearing the slander she was throwing at Bella even if she couldn't hear it.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Leah snapped. "You've never had to make this decision."

Bella appeared dejected for just a moment but long enough to indicate there was something she wasn't saying. Unfortunately for Edward's curiosity, Leah didn't seem to notice and turned back to Carlisle.

"I can't do this," she admitted. "I can't be a mom…I'm only twenty-one."

Carlisle nodded sadly.

"I had a feeling this might be your decision," he said, his eyes reflecting disappointment at having to assist in ending a pregnancy.

"However," he continued. "There are certain procedures you are required to perform before you can proceed, you understand?"

Leah nodded, consenting to whatever Carlisle had to do to get this over with.

The first step involved creaking chairs, rustling paper, the pop of a plastic tube and Leah's hiss from the shock of cold gel on her bare abdomen.

A strong fetal heartbeat boomed throughout the house and Edward was glad Rosalie wasn't in the surrounding area to hear it. That sound, in combination with Leah's grim determination to terminate her pregnancy, would have instigated a meltdown of epic proportion. But Edward heard something change in Leah's thoughts when it happened. Carlisle had moved the wand around on her belly only for a second heartbeat to join the first. Suddenly, grim determination was beaten down from all sides by an even fiercer instinct to protect these new lives at all costs.

Before the shocked gasp had even left Leah's lips, he heard Bella slip out of the study and approach the room in which he stood lurking. He vanished inside a wardrobe across the room just as she entered quietly and closed the door behind her with an almost inaudible click. With her back pressed against the door, she bit her lip hard to contain the sound of her sobs. Much as Edward wanted to allow her the privacy she seemed to need, he simply couldn't ignore the sight of her crumbling before his very eyes and slipped from his hiding place to appear at her side as if by magic.

"Bella," he murmured softly but she still jumped at the sound of his voice. "What's wrong?"

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she quickly straightened up to face him.

Expecting to be unilaterally dismissed the moment he had spoken, the response he got surprised him.

"Life," she replied with a weary shrug.

He approached her slowly.

"Well," she rephrased. "Past lives."

"You have more than most to be upset about," he observed.

She nodded. "Perhaps."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, knowing she would likely shoot him down.

Again, he was surprised by her response.

"Not today," she stated, wiping the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. "But thanks."

Edward smiled slightly at the implication of talking in the future. He wanted nothing more than a future with Bella and here she was providing him with newfound hope.

"You never need to thank me, Bella," he insisted.

Although her mouth lifted towards a smile, it didn't form completely. She sniffed back her tears before speaking.

"Well, I'd better go back," she muttered somewhat reluctantly.

Edward nodded. "Yeah, I think Leah is missing you."

Bella lifted one eyebrow at such a ridiculous suggestion.

"I highly doubt that," she snorted. "I'm public enemy number one, today."

"Not for much longer, I shouldn't think," he chuckled cryptically.

Quick to realize he must have heard something in Leah's mind, Bella's face lit up with relief and this was the image he held onto as she left him there alone to return to her sister. Leah had changed her mind, for today at least, which brought frequent smiles to Bella's face for the rest of their short stay in the Cullen home.

It was her smiling face that kept him from going after her when they finally drove away that day even when a vast emptiness took root in his chest. Without Bella Swan in his life, he would never be whole and he had been a damn fool to think he could live without her. It was impossible as seeing her again and being around her had taught him. Confronted with what his leaving had caused her only fueled his desire to have her by his side forever…either her forever or, better yet, his forever.

Thankfully, by the end of the week, Edward was granted another reason to hope Bella would pay them another visit soon. The sound of a car on the driveway alerted him and his family to their arrival. It wasn't unexpected but it was earlier than anticipated, all the same. Familiar voices were greeting Carlisle and Esme within a few short minutes and, deciding it would be impolite to hide away upstairs, Edward made his way downstairs to welcome the members of their extended family.

"It's good to see you," Carlisle was commenting as Edward entered the living room.

 _Ah, Edward!_ Carmen's warm thoughts greeted him. "Tanya sends her love." _And Kate and Irina, of course._

"You would choose only that part to say out loud, wouldn't you?" he chuckled.

Carmen smiled broadly. "All in good fun, love." _Only teasing…you know that._

"I do," he replied to her thoughts. "But now I fear you have given my brothers some much needed ammunition."

Emmett's thoughts of the phone call from Bella and their playful banter caught his attention and Edward turned to glare at his brother, hoping he wouldn't bring that up but, of course, this was Emmett and Edward was a fool if he thought his brother wouldn't take advantage of this opportunity to humiliate him further.

"Ammunition? We don't need no stinkin' ammunition," Emmett chortled. "Not after the 'Nine times in one night' incident."

Carmen's brow furrowed with confusion until she thought she understood what Emmett meant.

"Hardly impressive, Edward" she tittered gleefully. "Though I suppose finally losing your virginity at all would be."

Had he been able to blush with embarrassment, his face would have been a brilliant red by now. To make matters worse, Emmett wasn't going to let it go.

"No, not him, Carmen," Emmett corrected. "He's still all innocent and shit. Now, Bella, on the other hand…"

The snarl ripped from Edward's throat before he could stop it. The mere suggestion of his love being anything other than the pure, innocent girl he had left behind was unbearable to hear. Of course, he knew she had moved on, at least physically, and he didn't blame her. As far as she'd known at the time, he wasn't ever coming back and the reality was he actually wouldn't have come back if it hadn't been for his family finding her in such dire straits.

Emmett rolled his eyes and Jasper sighed before defusing the situation in his own inimitable way. Edward quickly returned his attention to Carmen and Eleazar.

"My apologies," he offered calmly, still thinking up ways of getting Emmett back later.

Carmen continued to smile brilliantly, redirecting her attention to the females of the family. Alice and Rosalie won her interest just as Eleazar addressed Carlisle at the mention of Bella's name.

"Where is Bella, Carlisle?" he asked, curious. "I had thought she would already be here."

Carlisle shook his head. "No, she has her own family, too, but we'll call to invite her here when you're ready."

Eleazar seemed satisfied with the explanation given by his father but Edward was most certainly not. He would never be satisfied until Bella lived under this roof permanently but he would settle for regular visits for now. At least, with Eleazar here to discuss the suspected werewolf problems, they would be seeing a lot more of Bella Swan. He wasn't happy about the circumstances surrounding this occurrence but he was grateful for any chance to see her.

"Rose," his father called out to his sister, which brought Edward's attention back to the events unfolding around him. "Would you call Bella and let her know Eleazar is here and happy to speak to her whenever she is free to do so."

Rosalie nodded before departing the room leaving a puzzled frown on Carmen's face.

"Rosalie? I thought Bella was your friend, Alice; not your sister's?" she inquired, surprised to see Alice's face fall.

"She was," Alice sighed. "But…not anymore."

Carmen knew better than to question Alice any further, a fact his sister greatly appreciated.

Edward watched her retreat shortly after Rose reappeared confirming Bella would join them later in the day and, satisfied with this information, he followed after Alice only to find her sitting crestfallen at the base of a large fir tree at the bottom of their garden. Jasper sat cross-legged beside her murmuring words too low for him to hear from this distance. He could have heard them through their minds, of course, but he tried to give them as much privacy as he could by turning around and leaving them to each other's company.

From that point on, he made an active effort to avoid his family. He did not feel in the mood to socialize and he was afraid he would bring the whole mood down if he stayed. So, retreating to his room, he found solace in music. The headphones over his ears not only drowned out the sounds of their chatter and general happiness but left him free to focus on the heavy guitar of a Foo Fighters track.

 _Has someone taken your faith?_

 _It's real, the pain you feel,_

 _You trust, you must._

 _Confess_

 _Is someone getting the best, the best, the best of you?_

The last line hit hard and he was forced to switch to something more neutral and less likely to send his mind in her direction. The classical CD was a better choice. Its soft tones soothed his mind and eased him into a comfortable, effortless state. It wasn't sleeping in the human sense but he imagined it might be what drifting off felt like.

After maintaining it for over an hour, he was startled out of this quasi-meditation trance by the steadily growing sound of a small engine. Forced to _awaken_ and react accordingly, he stood and headed back out onto the landing to peer out a window overlooking the driveway. What he saw froze the venom in his veins. She sat astride a fast moving motorcycle, her speed slowing enough to come to a skidding halt but not slow enough to alleviate his concern. Didn't she realize she was too damn fragile to be riding a motorcycle?

Despite his consternation, he was triumphant. Bella Swan was at his house for the third time in a week and, motorcycle rider or not, he was immensely grateful for her presence. Carlisle greeted her at the door and, towards him, her smile was tense.

Edward didn't say a word or move an inch but, somehow, she was aware of his presence down to his exact location.

Looking up, she smiled gently and, with that one look, his world began to shift back to its rightful place.


	19. Say What You Need To Say

**Hi guys! Thank you all for the continued support! Thank you to Rita01tx for betaing once again! Anyway, Enjoy!**

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Say What You Need To Say.

Steam rose languidly from the coffee cup. Ignoring this warning sign, Bella sipped a mouthful of scalding, black liquid and fought not to flinch as it burned its way down her throat. She needed something to do with her hands but quickly ruled out chain smoking as a viable option. The room was already rife with tension largely caused by Sam and his reluctance to be in the presence of the creatures he despised with every fiber of his being. While it must have been obvious to all gathered, she was certain Edward, who stood towards the back of room glancing in her direction every few minutes, was most aware of the awkwardness of this unique situation.

The Alpha stood rigid beside Bella's chair very much aware of the glances the Cold One sent her way. Despite what Bella thought, this was the reason for his tension. He couldn't stand by and watch her get hurt again. The day the Cullens left Forks, the same day the call had gone out for volunteers to look for Charlie Swan's missing daughter, would forever be etched in Sam's memories. He had only recently begun to phase and had used his new form to track her down. She was completely lost and emotionally broken by the time he had found her curled up on the forest floor in an agony he couldn't begin to imagine.

Sam was startled to notice a flicker of pain cross Edward's face.

 _Is it true, then? You can hear me?_

Edward nodded just enough to indicate a positive answer without drawing attention to himself. The only person who may have noticed such a gesture had his back to him and was currently conversing with Bella and Eleazar.

 _You do realize what you did to her, don't you?_ Sam asked, just as Bella addressed her first question to Eleazar.

"So, what's the main difference between the two different kinds of werewolf…the Quileute and the other kind?"

Edward paid no attention to Eleazar's reply since, at that exact moment, Sam decided to hit him where it hurt. The scenes passing through the Alpha's mind were exceedingly difficult for Edward to bear. Sam remembered the nightmares afterwards and how Bella had screamed in the middle of the night while he was on duty guarding her house. The memory that pained him most, however, was watching her stand before Victoria. With blood dripping down her arm, a proud smile lit up her face even at Sam's gentle scolding. She shouldn't have been involved at all and he couldn't help but blame himself.

Where Bella's interaction with Victoria had brought forward guilt, her relationship with another dangerous creature shifted his emotions rather quickly into a whole other direction. As Sam's memories changed and months passed, he watched Bella throw off her depression…almost, and begin to grow as a person. He saw her with Jacob and tensed at the easy smile that seemed permanently fixed on her face in his presence. Intense jealously filled him because, this time, it wasn't innocent smiles but touches and kisses witnessed by the Alpha during parties, bonfires and general get togethers. Jacob's hand on her as they danced enraged him but also conveyed a deep sense of sorrow. There was something missing from her expression in all those scenes, something most people wouldn't notice, but Edward definitely noticed. She may have been touching and kissing Jacob but she was hesitating nearly every time. The only time she didn't show just a flicker of reluctance was when she had a drink in her hand, which occurred more and more frequently as Sam's memories became more recent.

He looked up to find her thoroughly engaged in the conversation with Eleazar while occasionally sipping at the coffee Esme had brewed upon her arrival. She had greeted his family with decidedly more warmth without Leah's presence. However, from the moment Sam had arrived, she spoke only the bare minimum to members of the family, directing her attention mainly at Eleazar.

With all the warring emotions surging through his body, he needed space and fresh air to clear his head. Satisfied she would be all right, he slipped from the room and headed out into the drizzle of a gentle, summer rain. Almost the moment he stepped outside, Jasper's thoughts reached him from across the garden where he sat under the cover of a tree with Alice settled beside him.

 _Everything okay?_ he enquired at the look on Edward's face.

He was about to reply when he heard Bella's coffee cup tap gently on the glass coffee table as she placed it there and excused herself. Her footsteps approached and he smiled when she appeared at the back door. For a brief moment, he saw what had brought her out here…a look of fear that twisted her face only to disappear as soon as she laid eyes on him and, in that moment, he dared to hope.

"Don't do that," she cried, storming up to him.

His brows knotted together in puzzlement. "Do what?"

Her voice shook as she replied.

"Leave."

Too stunned by her reply to think up one of his own, she took his hesitation and began talking hurriedly, as if she couldn't stop now that she had started.

"One second you were there and the next you were gone," she whimpered, moisture pooling in her bottom eyelids. "You can't do that shit to me! You made me think you'd left again."

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you."

A lone tear slid loose as she considered his words. The very act of standing in front on him now meant she cared. She had reacted to the emotions his absence triggered and was dreadfully upset but not for the reasons he thought.

"Why is it that, no matter how hard I try, you always have this power over me?" she sighed heavily, a second tear following the first. "My rational mind flies right out the window every time I see you. You make me want you every time I see you and it terrifies me when you leave my sight for mere moments."

Edward's spirit soared at her reluctant admissions and he desperately wanted to reach out to her but wasn't sure how she would react. He was still debating whether or not to close the distance between them when the sorrow in her voice broke his heart.

"I'm never going to get over you, am I?" she lamented, realization dawning on her face.

There was no holding back at this point and she didn't fight him when he reached out to pull her gently into his arms. As he curved himself protectively over her, she slumped against his silent chest and sobbed until he felt the weight of her emotions begin to weaken her body. It was then he noticed Jasper approaching very slowly. Edward read his intent and spoke low enough that she wouldn't hear him.

"Please don't," he requested. "I think she needs this…I know I do."

He saw Jasper's lopsided smile and nod through Alice's thoughts before she grasped his hand and slipped away before Bella was even aware they had been there at all.

Having recovered somewhat, her withdrawal from Edward's embrace was instantaneous. Or, it would have been had his response not been faster. Strong hands held her firmly in place as she struggled briefly against him.

"Please, don't do this," he murmured quietly. "Don't walk away again."

Rage burned in the brown eyes that snapped up to look directly at him and knew then he was in deep trouble.

"Me walk away?" she threw back at him, her expression murderous. "If I remember correctly, I begged you not to leave but you did anyway! It's not me who walked away…you did that!"

His grip on her released at her scathing remarks. She turned on her heel and was headed away from him when he called after her.

"I'm here now."

"I shouldn't have left in the first place," he declared. "But, now that I'm back, I will never leave again unless you ask me to. I pray you won't ever ask that of me because I honestly don't think I could live without you again. Please, please give me another chance. I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. If you want, I will get down on my knees and literally beg your forgiveness."

She could have walked away. She could have left and, from the duration of her pause, he could tell she nearly did…at least three times, before slowly turning to stare him down. For a moment, he was truly fearful she would send him away. Thankfully for his sanity, she surprised him with her response.

"I love you."

Edward heard the entire house fall silent at her shocking declaration.

"And I hate you," she continued. "I want to kiss you and slap you. I want to fuck you and kill you. I might not know for certain exactly what I want but I can be damn certain you begging on your knees isn't it."

She turned to walk away again.

"Please, Bella! Don't go," he cried, striding easily after her.

She didn't pause or slow her movements, though, until he darted around to intercept her. They were just outside the living room when he stopped her in her tracks.

"Please, I'm begging you," he pleaded. "If nothing else, we need to talk about all this."

"No," she replied. "We really don't."

To her credit, she strode purposefully through the rest of the house holding her head up high although her smile was forced when she reached Carlisle and Eleazar.

"I'm very sorry," she told them, her voice barely steady. "But I think I should go. I will call you soon. Thank you for all of your help."

Sam stood silently and followed her outside where Edward watched her straddle her motorcycle and leave without a backward glance, all the while wondering what on Earth he had done so wrong this time.

 **~oOo~**

It was nearly three in the morning when Rose appeared in his doorway. He slipped his headphones from his ears and stared at his sister in disbelief as she spoke.

"For the record, I think she's an idiot for doing this but," _she's waiting for you at the boundary line._

He had never moved so fast in his life, taking mere moments to reach her. He came to a halt several feet away and approached cautiously. She stood just beyond the invisible demarcation, her bike parked as far right of the road as possible without tumbling into the tree line. Even wearing polka dot, flannel pajama pants, a threadbare t-shirt that must have belonged to someone else since it was at least four sizes too big, and a pair of thick brown boots, she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

As if sensing his approach, Bella turned and threw a significant look in his direction before heading off the path and into the forest. He hurried after her without question. She could have been leading him to his downfall and he wouldn't have stopped following her. Fortunately, death did not wait beyond the tree line. She found a spot on the ground and settled herself on the damp earth. Little goose pimples rose up on her bare arms and he shrugged off his jacket, pausing when he realized she had deliberately taken up a seat on the La Push side. He sighed and took a seat on the ground directly opposite her, the only space between them being the line she knew he couldn't cross.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," he began. "I am completely thrilled you wanted to talk but why now? Why here?"

"You can't touch me here," she replied honestly. "Besides, after the third nightmare, I gave up on sleep. You're right…we do need to talk."

He frowned at her until she shivered again making his concern for her flare up once again.

"Since I can't physically do this without breaking the treaty, here," he explained, scrunching up his jacket and tossing it right onto her lap like a basketball.

She giggled when he raised both arms in a silent cheer as if he'd just scored two points. "Well, you're not as romantic as you used to be."

"I beg to differ," he replied. "And I will prove that to you another day but, right now, I need to explain my actions."

She tended to avoid this topic at all costs and tensed visibly knowing it was going to be excruciating to finally talk through all the anguish and the pain.

"Yes," she nodded, trying to remain calm and collected when inside she was already hurting badly. "You said some horrible things to me…things that made me feel worthless and completely unlovable. With just a few simple sentences, you confirmed every awful thing I ever thought about myself. You broke me and I had no idea know how to fix myself. It was like you took the best part of me with you that day and I couldn't live a full life with the void left behind."

His guilt was all consuming but she was being open and honest about her feelings. He couldn't be a coward now, especially when she was being so brave and trusting, and he vowed there and then never to break her trust again.

"I was scared," he admitted. "After everything with Jasper, I was scared for you and I was arrogant, thinking I knew what was best for you. I was convinced staying with me would mean your death, in one form or another, and I couldn't do that to you. Not then."

"And yet you're willing to risk my life now?" she questioned. "What's changed?"

"Me…you…us," he explained. "You were right before. We're not the same people anymore. You've changed in more ways than I can sometimes fathom. Something about you changes slightly every time I see you, whether it's the tattoo on your collarbone or your hair cut. But you don't just look different, Belle. Your personality is different, too, now. It's not better or worse…it's just you, and you are remarkable just as you are."

"But I've changed, as well," he continued. "Not physically, obviously, but emotionally. I thought I loved you more than you could ever love me simply because of what I am and what you are. I assumed we had different capacities for love but I was wrong. If anything, I believe you love me as powerfully as I love you. That is, if what you said earlier was the truth."

"I will never stop loving you," she replied to his utter delight. "I could go anywhere in the world and start my life anew but I would always carry this love for you with me. It will never leave me and I will never be able to love another person as wholly as I love you but we aren't those people anymore. You can never be the same man to me again. I can't have the same kind of relationship with you. There is far more to relationships than what we had…I understand that now."

"Physically?"

"Not just that," she told him. "Emotionally, too. You never listened to a word I said to you if I disagreed with you. You grew up in a different time and I suppose that was normal then, but it isn't now, and I won't have a relationship with someone who can't respect me and treat me as an equal."

"I was just trying to protect you," he whispered, hanging his head.

She rolled her eyes. "I don't want to be protected, Edward. I want to be respected and loved. I don't want a bodyguard…I want a partner, a lover and an equal. Can you understand that?"

He nodded once. "I can be that man, Bella. I promise you, I can. I will do anything…be anything for you."

Jolted by his choice of words, she remembered back to strolling down La Push beach talking about imprints and what it felt like. Was Edward her equivalent of an imprint? Was he truly her soulmate…the man made just for her? Was that why she was so utterly miserable without him in her life? Quite possibly.

She stared at him for a moment or two before a jaw-popping yawn broke her concentration. She was completely exhausted and she knew it.

"Look, I know we're most definitely not done," she told him. "But I'm beat."

He acknowledged her reason for breaking off their conversation with a nod and she rose up from the ground before she could change her mind. He swiftly mirrored her movements and followed her back towards her bike. She paused once they got there.

"Meet me here again same time tomorrow?" she proposed.

"Absolutely," he replied, beaming with joy.

She clambered onto her bike and Edward watched her drive away for the second time in twenty-four hours.

 **~oOo~**

He was waiting at the boundary line early the following night. Bella had visited his family home again to speak with Eleazar but had completely ignored him while in the presence of the others. He didn't blame her; she was clearly trying to remain focused on the task at hand which was still very much her sister. However, Leah wasn't the topic of their conversation later that night. She picked up where they had left off as soon as she regained her spot on her side of the border. Unlike the night before, she had remembered to bring warm clothing and was properly dressed in black skinny denim jeans, a white fitted top and a brown leather jacket.

"Why did you try to stop me from leaving?" she asked the moment she was settled.

He frowned as he sat himself down. "When?"

"See," she stated. "If you have to ask when, that probably means you do it too often."

He felt guilt cloud his expression. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

She snorted at the idea. "Of course, you won't."

"I'm serious," he replied. "I promise not to stop you doing what you want ever again, even if it means…"

He paused there as he really didn't want to make this promise but he knew he must if she was ever going to give him another chance. "Even if it means you could get hurt."

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. "You don't mean that!"

"I assure you, I do," he stated. "You want to be my equal…this is me trying to do that."

"I'm not you're equal, though," she told him, stating the obvious.

He sighed. "No, you aren't. For obvious reasons."

She nodded once. "But you'd change me? If I wanted it."

He swallowed unnecessarily. "If you want it."

"Why the change of heart?" she questioned. "You were dead set against it before and now it's all okay? Why?"

His eyes were downcast as he replied. "Because, as I've painfully discovered, living without you is no longer an option. My greatest desire is for us to be together and happy which means, if giving you immortality would make you happy, I would do it. Whenever you ask it of me."

Her breath hitched in shock.

"So, if I said I wanted it right now, you'd do it?"

"If that was what you truly wanted," he replied. "Yes, I would."

She filed away his statement and returned to her earlier one, clearly a little uncomfortable at the direction of their conversation. She wasn't sure she wanted that life anymore. Although she knew she did want him, in one way or another, she wasn't sure she could ever truly trust him again and she needed to trust him if she was going to commit to spending the rest of her life with him in such an irreversible way.

"You didn't say," she asked, clarifying her previous question. "Why did you try to stop me before? At the other house."

"Ah, I would have thought that was obvious."

She sniggered. "You didn't want to me get high?"

"That and other reasons," he stated. "I couldn't bear the thought of you leaving me."

Her brows raised at his statement.

"So it's okay for you to leave me but I'm not allowed to leave you?"

He sighed. "No, of course that's not what I meant."

She frowned. "Well, it clearly is what you meant."

"Just because I don't want you to leave me doesn't mean I would ever use force to make you stay."

She understood what he meant then and the pair fell silent for a moment.

"The other day," he began, his voice gentle. "Why were you upset?"

She sighed deeply and he thought for a moment she would refuse him his question. To his great surprise, she didn't. Only once she had explained, he very much wished she hadn't.

"You really don't wanna know," she replied, trying to stop the conversation heading that direction. She wasn't sure if she wanted anyone to know. It was the only secret she had ever kept from everybody in her life but something about their newfound honesty made her want to tell him. She had wanted to tell him before but Leah had been nearby and she didn't want her sister to think less of her. Edward was the only person in the world who she felt she could talk to with complete honesty. Her trust in him might have been damaged but the sense of security lingered and, against her better judgement, she found herself speaking honestly.

"If you want to tell me," he stated. "Then I do want to know. If you don't, we can pretend I never asked."

"I don't want you to think less of me," she grimaced.

He smiled in reassurance. "I could never think less of you, Bella."

"I've never told anyone this before," she murmured, feeling nervous about broaching a subject she had always considered off limits. "It's difficult."

"It's okay," he reassured. "Take your time."

"It was a few months ago when I was still dating Jake," she began, focusing her eyes on the dirt under her crossed legs and drawing little patterns in it as she spoke. "We slipped up and, as far as he's aware, it was fine."

"But it wasn't," she muttered. "You see, I know exactly how Leah felt that day because I was in the same position about a month before my dad died. Only difference is, I went through with it."

He studied her every movement as he tried to take in what she had just told him. It broke his heart to imagine her alone, facing that decision and deciding to terminate her pregnancy without ever telling any of her closest friends or family.

"I'd just applied for college," she explained. "And I had never really seen myself having children. I didn't want to be a mom, especially not to his child. By the end of our relationship, I could barely tolerate Jacob and I was not going to bring a child into that."

She looked up and met his gaze. "I tell myself these excuses every time I think about it but it doesn't change the fact that I did it. I didn't even tell him. I thought, if I told him, he'd try to stop me and we would be unhappy and tied together forever. I know you must think badly of me now…I understand why you would."

"I don't think badly of you, Bella," he assured her, even if he found the idea of her making that decision difficult to wrap his head around. "You did what was best for you at the time. It was your body, your decision. Millions of women all over the world make that same decision every day. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, I did," she cried. "I've done many things wrong and that is definitely the highest on the list. Second only to the fact that I gave up on you…on us. I let you go and forced myself to _love_ Jake when, all along, it should've been you."

"But you didn't give up on us," he reasoned. "You're here so you can't have."

Taken aback by his logic, she didn't know what to think or how to respond but a warmth blossomed in her soul she hadn't felt for a long time. Meeting his gaze again, her lips curving up into a half-smile.

Maybe there was hope for them yet.


	20. Progress

**We're jumping forward in time just a little in this chapter. This is something that will happen occasionally in this as it has already happened twice. Hopefully you like it and understand why I did it :) Massive thanks to Rita01tx for betaing and supporting me through the agonising write that this chapter was. Sometimes I get a little blocked as all people do and working through it is painful but, its back now and chapter 21 was sent to Rita01tx before posting this so you should get that within the week I should think :) Anyway, Thank you, all of you, you are amazing and your support does not go unnoticed! Now, onto the story...**

* * *

 **Progress**

July 2009

Despite the dim light provided by a sun not yet fully risen, he could see and hear everything occurring in the house standing mere feet away. He had been watching on and off for the past few weeks to determine whether his plan had been successful. Having spent such a long time trying to get access to the female, he had actually been surprised to have achieved his goal the first time. His father would be pleased.

He had to be careful when keeping watch on the woman who was carrying his son. She may not have been the same species as him but she had a pack of her own…one exceedingly tenacious in its attempts to track him down and kill him. Regardless of their persistence, he was confident the mongrels would never find him.

From here, he could make out a silhouette in her bedroom window. Even before his success in getting her alone, he had watched her from this position for months on end. She had been the perfect candidate for breeding the next generation and he was glad she hadn't been so foolish as to end all his hard work. He would have been grievously put out to have to try again.

As she striped off her towel, he caught a glimpse of her grossly distended abdomen and grinned wickedly, thrilled to see how much and how fast his son had grown. This was exactly what he and his father had worked for. Her genetics would provide the key, making for an interesting new breed of wolf. His son would be more powerful than any who had gone before and, through him, their family would reclaim the Alpha title stripped from them so long ago.

Streaks of sunlight began lighting up areas of the forest around him. If he intended to avoid capture, he would do well not to linger. Retreating from the rising sun, he left his girl and unborn son to their day. He would return…he always did.

"Bella?" Leah called out having heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Although completely oblivious to the unwelcome visitor slowly moving further away from her house, she knew for a fact her sister had been sneaking home in the early hours of the morning for months, now.

Bella's footsteps faltered as she realized Leah was awake.

Determined not to confront her sister wearing only a towel, she quickly threw on the clothes she had laid out before her shower. Maternity jeans were not the least bit flattering. Then again, none of her clothes were, anymore. At just past sixteen weeks, she was a great deal larger than she should have been…even Doc Leech agreed, which meant her children weren't normal. They had deduced as much a few weeks ago when it became apparent the fetuses were developing faster than expected. This helped solidify the idea that her children had been sired by a werewolf as Eleazar believed this was normal for werewolf pups. It certainly wasn't normal for shapeshifters.

Bella hesitantly pushed open her sister's bedroom door. It was nearly five a.m. and she now knew staying that extra half hour had been a bad idea.

"Where have you been, young lady?" Leah demanded, biting her cheek to keep from snickering.

Damn it; she was going to have to lie. Her family weren't stupid and she had figured going out once a week in the dead of night to meet him in secret would eventually be noticed by someone. Well, it had been in secret.

"Erm, I just went for a walk," she replied, attempting the first of many lies she was about to tell. "Couldn't sleep."

One eyebrow rose ominously and Bella knew she'd been busted. She just didn't know to what extent.

"Oh, okay," Leah shrugged nonchalantly.

Puzzled by her seeming indifference, Bella tried not to look as awkward as she felt.

"Soooo, I'm gonna head off to bed," she muttered, hoping to escape with her dignity intact.

She only made it half way down the hall.

"How is Edward?" Leah hollered after her. "You guys have a good talk?"

A loud, obnoxious giggle-snort echoed off the walls and Bella felt her face explode with heat.

"Yes, thank you," she sighed and scurried away.

She should have expected Leah to know exactly where she had been going the last few weeks. Bella never did have to say anything as her sister could usually read her face like an open book. After finally admitting she no longer held Edward in such low esteem, she had been surprised to learn Leah had suspected her change of heart but hadn't wanted to confront her about it. She had actually been surprisingly understanding about the whole situation.

Once she reached her room, she hurriedly stripped her clothes off and threw on her tank top and sleep shorts, set her alarm for eleven, and crawled into bed. They were definitely going to have to rethink the midnight heart-to-hearts. She was so exhausted, coffee might not help keep her awake later this morning.

The minute her head hit the pillow, she was out like a light sleeping soundly until a hand shook her shoulder. The blurry outline of her sister standing beside her bed greeted her as she cracked open one eye.

"It's after nine…we have to go soon, Bells."

Bella groaned just before the cover was promptly yanked away leaving her pale limbs exposed. Her eyes flew open wider and she scowled.

"You're such a cock," she huffed indignantly.

Unimpressed, Leah rolled her eyes. "You get dressed…I'll get coffee."

Bella was sorely tempted to roll over and get back to sleep; however, she didn't particularly want to wear the coffee her sister was about to bring her. Pulling herself reluctantly from her bed, she got dressed through half-closed eyes. Every bit of her hurt from painful lack of sleep and she stumbled a few times as she dressed still in the haze of sleep.

Ten minutes later, she was in the passenger seat of her step-mom's car inhaling coffee from the flask Leah had provided. As predicted, it didn't help in the slightest. When they pulled up outside the Cullen's house, she was still bleary-eyed and feeling almost hungover from lack of proper sleep. Of course, she hadn't been "hungover" in a long time but it felt surprisingly similar.

The car lurched to a stop and she noticed Leah visibly tense up. It didn't matter that they were helping her, or that she saw them every two weeks, it would never be easy for Leah to come here voluntarily and it showed in her body language as she threw open the door and stepped onto the driveway. Bella lagged behind, her thoughts slower than usual. Knocking back another swig of coffee, she finally headed over to where her sister waited.

"Damn, girl! You are completely out of it this morning, aren't you?" Leah remarked, watching her approach.

Bella groaned and handed back the flask of coffee. "I'll just a have cigarette before coming in."

Leah nodded and, with visible reluctance, left her on the front steps and went inside.

Taking a seat on the middle step, she lit up and sighed in pleasure as she gave her body what it craved. She hated to admit it but, despite everything, she was still such an addict.

"Surprised to see you up so early."

His voice caused another kind of pleasure to ripple through her. She tried to hold back the feelings but, the more time she spent around him, the harder it was to pretend. They had talked a lot, open and honestly, and she felt so much better for it. So did he. She could tell by the smile on his face as he came into view.

"Everything hurts," she admitted with a breathy laugh. "And not in a good way."

His eyebrows rose in confusion. "There's a good way to hurt?"

"Oh, baby," she purred, taking another drag and blowing out the smoke. "If only you knew."

His eyes went black and she bit her lip. The atmosphere surrounding them suddenly felt charged with anticipation and she knew exactly what else her body craved. Quickly stubbing her cigarette out, she searched for a way out of the situation. She was all for a little light flirting and, lately, their encounters tended to head in this direction but, with no boundary line between them, it was only a matter of time before she pushed it too far and jumped him.

"I need to…" She nodded awkwardly in the direction of the house.

He smiled in a way that made her want to run far away from him and straddle him at the same time. For the sake of being respectful of their only just mending relationship, she chose the run option. Hopping up from the steps, she turned to leave.

"Can we talk later…when you're done in there?" he asked.

She looked back at him, the hint of a smile forming on her face as she nodded once before hurriedly ducking inside the house. She still wasn't entirely sure what their relationship was now but, despite her better judgement, she liked the direction it was going. Reaching Carlisle's office, where he and Leah waited, she banished all thoughts of Edward from her mind and stepped through the door. Leah deserved her full attention, today.

Thankfully, the check-up was interesting enough to help keep her mind focused on the task at hand. Leah was anxious as they went through the now familiar motions. She was used to this, for the most part, but she was now far enough along to determine the gender of her twins. She was excited and nervous in equal measure as she stared at the little screen and waited for the information. Bella squeezed her hand in reassurance as Carlisle delivered the news.

"They've both grown rather a lot in a week," he explained to both women. "At this rate, you could deliver by October."

"But it'll be okay, right?" Bella asked when she saw worry creeping into Leah's eyes.

"Other than growing a little quicker than expected," he reassured them. "There is nothing to suggest anything is wrong."

Bella smiled in relief. Good news was a rare occurrence, lately, what with the pack having no luck tracking down the werewolf. Eleazar had explained that finding werewolves was damn near impossible unless there was a full moon. Even vampires couldn't always tell unless it was approaching that time of the month. The Volturi had once persecuted the species to near extinction and now their low numbers made it nearly impossible to trace the untraceable. The pack was growing increasingly disheartened. In their eyes, they had failed to protect their own and failed to avenge her, as well.

"So, would you like to know the sex?" Carlisle asked, drawing Bella from her thoughts.

She looked at Leah who smiled and nodded eagerly.

"Well," he assessed. "One is definitely a boy."

Leah beamed and a tiny, almost unnoticeable tear slid free. Bella pretended not to notice and just squeezed her hand again. She had learned how comforting that could be at her group and, as always, it proved to help.

"And the other one?" Leah asked, squeezing back.

"That's a little more difficult," he stated, moving the stick in repetitive motions across her stomach. "No. This one's not playing ball, I'm afraid."

"God, Leah! Your kid's not even born yet and it's already mooning us!" Bella laughed when she realized what was happening.

Her sister laughed with her and Bella was reassured by the sound. Leah had not been her usual self, obviously, since Port Angeles but she was definitely on the mend. Her pregnancy may have been unexpected but it had done her so much good after so much bad. It wasn't the life Leah had wanted for herself, just as Bella had experienced so many months ago, but it certainly suited her. Leah had always wanted children…eventually. She just hadn't been given the choice she had a right to expect. Bella felt a renewed sense of sympathy for her sister and her situation until Leah's wicked sense of humor broke through her musings.

"He's just getting in some practice," she snorted. "If they're like me, they'll spend the better part of their lives mooning people!"

"Doesn't make it acceptable," Bella grumbled, remembering the many bare asses she had seen over the years spent hanging with the pack.

"Oh, don't listen to Auntie Bella," Leah cooed towards her stomach. "She's just traumatized from seeing too many naked men."

"I am not traumatized," Bella rounded on her sister. "I happen to like naked men…it's the naked friends and brothers I'm not okay with."

Leah's face scrunched up with held back laughter and she suddenly realized her mistake.

"Oh, fuck! He heard that, didn't he?"

Bella glanced over at Carlisle, flushed with embarrassment at his knowing look.

"Where is he?" she groaned.

Carlisle was completely composed whereas she was sure anyone else would have laughed their heads off, especially Emmett.

"His bedroom," he replied with a straight face.

Her face was still flushed when she entered Edward's bedroom to find him sitting on his couch with a book open on his lap. She smirked at his very obvious decoy prop. He had definitely been eavesdropping and she wasn't stupid enough to fall for his innocent "I'm just reading Keats" routine, as if anyone just sits reading romantic era poetry in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon. Then she recognized the book from her university reading list. Clearly, he had been listening last week when she had told him about it.

"Pretending to read?" she smirked, leaning against the door frame, and his eyes lifted to her as if he hadn't noticed her approach or heard her intention to do so at least three minutes earlier.

"I assure you, I am not pretending," he insisted.

Her eyebrows raised in silent question.

"What? I am very good at multi-tasking," he explained at her look. "I can listen to your conversation and read at the same time."

"You're such a cock," she retorted with her insult of choice for the day.

"Is that why you like me, then?" he asked, eyes glinting with humor.

And, with one innuendo-laden question, they were back to their earlier conversation. She thoroughly enjoyed this new side of him that would flirt with her so readily.

"Oh, I definitely like that you have a cock," she explained, watching his face intently. "Not so much that you act like one."

His eyes darkened and he moved up off the couch, heading towards her at a measured pace. Within seconds, she found herself pressed up against the wooden frame of the door. He didn't have to touch her to cause her change in stance. Just his proximity was enough to make her body react. He was near enough that his scent began to invade her senses. This was the very reason she had always been persistent in keeping the boundary line between them. Anything could happen now and she liked that exciting air of possibility.

"You really shouldn't say that word," he spoke so low only she could hear.

"What word?" she smirked, knowing exactly what he meant. "Cock?"

The emotions on his face deepened and she knew he could probably sense the desire surging through her body. He nodded and inched a little closer.

"But I _really_ like it," she told him, breathing out her next words. "I _really_ like cock."

His eyes spoke to her in a way words couldn't and, just before it happened, she knew what he wanted to do. She could've moved. She could've avoided it, if she had wanted to, but she chose to let him. Despite her reservations about it, she reveled in his icy touch, his long fingers skimming the fabric of her sweater, running along the coarse material up to her collar, gently pushing it off her shoulder to gain access to her bare skin. Her breath caught in her throat as an electric current sparked into glorious existence beneath her skin, her body reacting as she had begun to predict. He had a power over her Jacob never had. She had always suspected as much, especially after their meeting in Port Angeles.

As he leaned closer, close enough for her to feel his sweet breath wash over her face, her suspicions were confirmed. Without hesitation, she threw herself at him. Their lips met and her body surged with a desire she hadn't felt this intensely before. She wanted him with every fiber of her being and she knew he understood when he responded in a way she could never have predicted. Her feet were swept from the floor with ease as his hands moved from their previous positions to lift her legs to his hips. With her back pressed firmly into the door frame, she wrapped her legs around him.

The warmth her body radiated was nearly enough to make him forgot every potential danger this situation could cause. He wanted her as much as she wanted him. He kissed her with such emotion, she moaned into his mouth. A sound that had driven him past the point of sanity in the past, now spurred him on. These past months of flirting with a barrier between them had brought them here. He had longed to touch her for so many months and now she was here and he wasn't prepared to let her keep her distance when she so obviously didn't wish to. Her teeth nipping at his lower lip made him grip her tighter to him. She hissed and he hesitated, thinking he had caused her pain, until she wound her hands into his hair and ground herself against him. She wasn't going to let him stop now.

The discreet sound of a clearing throat broke them apart, his father obviously embarrassed at finding them like this. Bella was flustered and weak kneed as Edward set her down and moved away to a respectable distance though nothing about what they had been doing had been respectable and she had loved every minute of it. Despite the awkwardness, she could tell Carlisle was just a little pleased to see their relationship leaning in the direction she was sure the Cullens hoped for.

"Sorry to interrupt," he apologized. "Leah's waiting downstairs for you, Bella."

Blushing fiercely at being caught practically dry humping his son, Bella nodded once and smiled weakly at him. She was grateful when he acknowledged with a nod of his own and silently exited, leaving them alone once again.

"Sorry," Edward muttered when his father left.

Bella frowned. "Why would you be sorry?"

"I shouldn't have put you in that situation," he explained, looking somewhat downcast.

"Hey! You don't get to have a pity party without me," she admonished. "I've had people walk in on me before and in far more compromising positions, trust me. Adding Carlisle to the list makes four people to date."

Relieved at the smirk lifting one corner of his ridiculously seductive lips, she continued.

"And you've got a bigger family so there are at least five more potential opportunities for having any future significant moments ruined."

Her heart swelled with happiness at the full blown smile on his face. While their relationship was nowhere near what it had been before and never would be again, maybe…just maybe, it wasn't such a bad thing. They had both matured since high school.

"Can I take you out?" he blurted inelegantly, much to her surprise.

Okay, so they hadn't reached full maturity yet but they were working on it.

Grinning broadly, she no longer had to overthink her answer.

"Yes, I should think so," she agreed, to his utter delight.

Desire burned his tawny eyes to dark embers again and she knew it was time to leave. So far, Leah was the only one who hadn't interrupted her in the past and she wanted to keep it that way. Moving towards his door, she paused to look back at him over her shoulder.

"Oh, and Cullen," she began, hoping to torture him into a heightened state of anticipation. "You will definitely have to buy me dinner first."

With a wink and a throaty chuckle, she disappeared leaving him aching to follow and increasingly eager to get her back into his arms.


	21. Start Over

Hiya guys, this chapter has been waiting to be published for a while. I had actually forgotten that it was sat here ready! I must apologise for the lack of updates in such a long time, I started a PGCE (training to be a teacher) course and I am exhausted most days. The story is not forgotten and it will not be abandoned. Please bare with me, this is the busiest year of my life and one of the most important. I hope you all understand, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks!

* * *

Start Over

"What the hell were you thinking?" Leah ranted as Bella prepared for her date with her ex-boyfriend.

"I mean seriously, ex-boyfriends are 'EX's' for a reason," she continued even as Bella shut the bathroom door in her face.

"And he's the worst kind of ex-boyfriend! Not to mention the whole, being _dead_ thing. You can't really be considering going through with this?"

Bella rolled her eyes at her sisters, now muffled, ranting and hopped in the shower. Leah had been expressing her opinion in Bella's general direction since she'd spilled about her and Edward's plans for that night. It was getting pretty tiresome now but, Leah was her sister for all intents and purposes so it was only polite to let her talk. However, that didn't mean that Bella had to listen.

The sound of the shower blocked out her sister for the most part so Bella took her time in washing. Scrubbing her hair and her body until the scents of perfumed soaps clung to her skin. It was as she was doing this that she paused in her motions. Her eyes fell onto her thigh and widened at the sight of it. The purple blue discolouration of freshly bruised skin met her eyes and the distinct shape of a hand print made understanding blossom to life in her mind rather quickly. She remembered his hands gripping her, pinning her against the door frame, taking hold of her thigh to get that little bit closer to her. She gently pressed down on the bruise and hissed just a little at the pain that she felt. It should have bothered her but, it didn't. She had been here before. She'd seen the first bruises in the shower last time too.

April 2007

 _The tears mingled with the gradually cooling water as she sat in the bathtub with the shower water trickling down against her skin. She felt disgusting and she didn't know how to process what had just happened. One minute it had been kissing and the next it was so much more. She liked Jake, she really did but, this wasn't what she had wanted. She had wanted_ him _. Not this._

 _Guilt festered inside her like an infection as she sat crying quietly. This wasn't supposed to happen, it should have been_ him! _It wasn't too much longer that she heard the door open and closing downstairs. It was then that she panicked._ Had they left any evidence of what had transpired in her bedroom?Oh god _, she thought,_ would Charlie know?Would he be able to tell that his daughter was no longer a virgin? No longer innocent? _She really really hoped not._

 _She shut off the water and forced herself to move. Her father's footsteps approached and she called out to him._

" _I won't be long!"_

" _It's alright, Bells," her father replied from outside the door, "no rush. I thought we could order pizza? If you haven't cooked already?"_

 _Bella internally urged her body to move then and she pulled herself from her position in the bathtub._

" _Pizza sounds great," she muttered in reply._

 _It wasn't until her father's footsteps had faded down the corridor that she grabbed her towel and went to cover herself. It was then that she saw them, the multitude of little bruises blooming to life on her skin. All the places that he had touched her were marked with little purple-blue patches of discolouration. She didn't know how to process it all. There was little marks on her legs and her arms and one on her ribs. She stood there too long, thinking over everything that had transpired that evening._

" _You still in there, Bells?" her father enquired a little while later._

 _His voice snapped her from her thoughts and she hurried replied._

" _Yeah, sorry," she replied, grabbing her dressing gown from the door hook and made herself decent. Thankfully, the dressing gown covered all the bruises perfectly and she pulled open the door to the sight of her father's worried face._

" _You okay?" he asked, his awkwardness obvious._ Oh hell, he knows! Well, _she reasoned,_ he knows that something has happened.

" _Yeah, I'm great," she replied, feeling equally as awkward as her father, "I'm just gonna…" she signalled to her bedroom and he nodded in way of reply. She hurried into her room and tried not to think about everything that had happened here. It hadn't been_ bad _or anything but it certainly wasn't what she had expected. But then she hadn't really known what to expect._ He _had barely touched her let alone gone anywhere close to this. At least Jake wanted her. At least he loved her and wanted her._

 _She tried not to look at the bruises as she dressed. Covering them up made it almost possible to pretend that they weren't there beneath the fabric, peppering her skin. Once dressed, she picked up the clothes that had been discarded in a bit of hurry earlier and tried not to cry again. As she tided and discarded of the condom wrapper left so carelessly on the floor by her bed, her feelings of guilt began to be outweighed by a new feeling: anger. She was angry with herself. This could have been a wonderful experience, Jake was a good guy and he loved her and she was ruining it. A few bruises and a few regrets didn't have to mean anything unless she let them._

She hadn't let those bruises stop her then so how could she now? Jacob had so felt terrible about the whole thing that it had been a while before they'd repeated that afternoon. The next time they had, there had been no marks, none whatsoever. She deliberated for a moment then, unsure of what she should do. Should she tell him? _No!_ She thought, _He'll probably never touch me again if he finds out._ She decided then that it was better if no one knew of her bruise. She didn't want to give Leah or the rest of her family cause for concern. Leah didn't know of the first time, they had only just begun being friends at that point and they hadn't been good friends then.

Figuring that it had worked last time, she stepped out of the shower, wrapped the towel around herself and pulled on her dressing gown. The fibres of the fabrics clinging to her damp skin as she exited to the bathroom.

"You can still cancel," Leah told her when she left the room.

Bella shook her head, "I love that you care so much, Leah but, I have to do this. I want to do this. I need to give him this chance."

Leah's eyes filled with tears but, she didn't cry.

"What if he hurts you again?" her voice was timid and Bella tried not to let her fear show.

"Then Seth will kick his ass."

Bella's reply made her sister laugh and she felt better at reassuring Leah, even if she wasn't so sure herself. She didn't know whether tonight would be a really wonderful idea or whether it would all go horrendously wrong. To her heart, she owed herself this chance.

"Could you grab me some coffee?" Bella asked as she approached the closet, trying to get her sister to leave for a moment.

"What did your last slave die off?" her sister responded, affronted by the request.

"Please its gonna be a long night," Bella pleaded as she pulled her dress from the hanger. She had three dresses, one he had already seen her in, her bridesmaid dress from Sue and Charlies wedding and her slut dress. It was a clubbing dress that Leah had brought for her as a birthday present. It was navy, very tight and just a little on the short side. She knew that it probably wouldn't cover her bruise well enough. However, other than jeans and t-shirts, she didn't have a massive amount of choice.

Leah's eyebrows rose at the suggestion behind her words, "Not too long I hope."

"If I promise not to have sex with him, will you get me coffee?" she asked her sister, dumping the dress on the bed and moving to choose shoes. She didn't have many options, one pair was way too high in the heel, she had worn them once and nearly broken her ankle, thankfully in the end she had spent most of that night horizontal. She blushed and tried not to think about her past relationship. She grabbed a cream pair of heels that were lower to the ground and chucked them onto the bed beside the dress.

"Deal," her sister agreed, smiling to herself as she left the room.

Bella made sure to dry and dress quickly. Thankfully, her dress was long enough to hide the bruise from view and when her sister re-entered the room, holding a steaming mug, she was none the wiser to Bella's situation.

"What time are you meeting him?" Leah questioned, looking just a little less on edge now. Maybe it was the idea of having sex with Edward that made Leah particularly uncomfortable.

"He's meeting me at the boundary line in an hour," she explained to her sister, "Can you help with the hair please?"

Leah smiled but rolled her eyes playfully, holding her hand out for the brush. With gentle and purposeful hands, Leah worked at fixing Bella's hair into something beautiful.

"I'm so glad its growing back," she commented as she worked, "I can't believe you let mom cut all the red out. You suit long hair, Bells, we've been over this."

"Oh sorry," Bella replied, "Just wanted to look like a woman for a change rather than a teenager."

Leah made eye contact with her in the mirror as she spoke.

"You look nothing like a teenager," she said with a smile, "You are gorgeous, and you are far too good for him."

Bella rolled her eyes but didn't say anything in response. She didn't know what to say and just sat silent as Leah straightened and styled her hair. It looked about an inch longer being completely straightened and Bella felt pretty for the first time in a long time when it was all done. Her makeup was just enough, framed eyes and all natural shades.

"Woah," Leah commented, "I think I just aged you in a really good way."

Bella just stared at her reflection for a moment, she truly hadn't looked this good in a long time and she definitely looked hot tonight. Now she was looking forward to this a whole lot more. He was going to be completely at her mercy tonight and she felt so good at knowing that.

XXX

The look in his eyes when he first saw her was exactly the reaction that she had hoped for. She felt a blush rising in her cheeks as he stared at her in awe and lust. He had appraised her with appreciations when he had got into the car earlier in the night but, as she rose out of the driver's seat and stood the look in his eyes very clearly explained how he felt. He definitely wanted her and it gave her a significant confidence boost to see it. It would've offended her normally but she was guilty of looking at him the same way. She had almost forgotten just how good he looked when he dressed in simple but smart clothing.

"So," He spoke up then, his nerves clear for all to see, "I was thinking dinner and movie…"

She really loved that she made him nervous. The thought made her smirk as she replied.

"Sounds great."

The plan had sounded great until they had got to the movie theatre and she realised the huge mistake they had made.

"Bella?" a voice she recognised called to her. She visibly cringed and put space between herself and Edward. She turned to the voice and was met by the curious stare of Jessica Newton nee Stanley. She was the trainee manager of the movie theatre and Bella cursed herself for forgetting a fact that should have been obvious.

"Hey," she spoke awkwardly, not likely this one bit. In a moment, Jess would notice who she was with and then…

Jessica's eyes widen and she gasped, "Bella, what the hell is he doing here?!"

…all hell would break lose.

Bella sighed tiredly. She understood her old friends surprise and her anger but, Bella really didn't want to do this now. She didn't need more opinions getting into her head and making her doubt her decision all over again.

"Trying to watch a movie I should think," she replied quietly to which her friend scowled in her direction.

"You're not serious?" Jessica's tone was murderous.

"Of course I am," Bella stated trying to be calm and not lash out at her old friend, no easy feat. "What else do you come to the movie theatre for?"

Jessica's scowl deepened and Bella was just a little concerned that she might start spurting out hateful shit at Edward if they didn't leave – now. She pleaded at her old friend with a look and begged her silently not to do this.

"Look, we'll just go and you can call me and bitch it out in the morning, how's that?" Bella proposed as Jessica glared at Edward like she thought a look could knock him down dead.

Bella reached behind her to take Edward's hand in hers and all but pulled him from the movie theatre. A crappy movie wasn't worth a crappy mood. She could feel her emotions brewing under the surface as she lead him away from Jessica's well-meaning rage. She really should have known better to think that they could date in the vicinity of Forks and not get spotted. Bella just knew that if her father had still been alive then he would've known all about this within seconds of it happening. Everybody in Forks knew about their break up, in fact she was pretty sure that everybody in La Push and Port Angeles knew too. It had been rather interesting gossip at the time. Edward leaving and Bella becoming a shell of the woman she had been before him. All of her high school friends knew and had seen first-hand the damage that he had caused her.

As they neared the car, he paused in his step and tugged on her arm gently. She turned, not realising that she had been crying quietly until they stopped. Facing him, she could see the hurt and guilt manifesting beneath his blank expression.

"Don't do this," she all but pleaded.

He frowned down at her and gently wiped the tears from her cheek.

"Do what?" he asked, the emotion he felt clear through his speech.

"The past is done with now," she stated trying to regain control over her emotions, "Everyone else can be mad at us for trying again after everything but, it doesn't matter because I…" she swallowed nervously, placing her hand over his on her face, "I want to forget. I want to start over. That's what tonight should be, us starting over."

His smile was sad but hopeful and it lifted her spirits.

"Seattle?" he suggested and she laughed out loud. Only stopping when the seriousness in his face registered.

"It's a three hour drive," she told him.

He nodded, "I know but, at least then we can try to start over without old acquaintances getting involved."

Bella laughed lightly and bit her lip gently, before nodding.

"You can drive though," she told him, knowing this had likely been his plan all along. She moved away from his embrace and rummaged in her bag for the keys and then relinquished them over to him. He looked far too smug as he walked to the passenger door and held it open to her.

"Wipe that look of your face or I'll rethink the 'letting you drive' bit," she told him, secretly enjoying the sight of the grin plastered on his face. He got into the front seat and within a few minutes they were off, speeding away into the evening.

They arrived in Seattle far too quickly for Edward to claim he had done the speed limit. She should have known better than to think he would. He moved to open her door after they pulled up and she hesitated for only a couple of seconds before taking the hand he offered. Mostly accepting his help so that her dress wouldn't ride up and show him the bruise. She just had to get through the date fully clothed, fulfilling her promise to Leah and keeping her bruise hidden in one hit. Despite this, she wasn't entirely sure that she wanted that outcome. As they had sat in the approaching darkness of the long country lanes, it had been nearly unbearable to keep her hands to herself. She was expecting to be tested to her very limit on the returning journey.

The little sparks she always felt at his touch made their appearance as he took her hand in his. She had to restrain herself for a moment before he unknowingly distracted her and asked, "Did you still want to catch a movie?"

She nodded, smiling.

Not needing directions, he navigated the city in a way that told her he knew it well. They had parked up only a block from the movie theatre. It was huge in comparison to Port Angeles tiny theatre. She may actually have to thank Jess for her interruption since it was very likely that the picture quality would be so much better here.

"So did you have a movie in mind?" he enquired as the approached.

She used her most serious voice to reply, "Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs."

His sideways glance of shock and horror made her laughter spill out of her until it hurt.

"Your face," she blurted out, tears leaking from her eyes at the pain her laughter caused. After a moment, she took deep breaths and steadied her breathing.

He rolled his eyes at her antics before repeating his question.

"In truth, which movie do you want to see?"

They had just reached the outside of the theatre when he asked her that. Her eyes spotted the poster on the outside wall and she knew immediately which movie she wanted to watch but, she had promised Leah.

"If you promise not to tell Leah," she began, "Can we watch Harry Potter?"

It was his turn to laugh now.

She frowned and tried not to look annoyed.

"You're not joking are you?" he asked once he realised that she wasn't laughing with him.

She shook her head slowly, "unless you'd rather watch Ice Age?"

"No," he was quick to reply, sobering up almost instantly, "Potter is a great choice."

She wasn't sure that he really thought that but, she truly didn't care too much and followed him into the theatre. When Leah had become a good friend and step-sister too her, she had forced the books and the movies on her and now she was hooked. In fact, she felt a little bad even suggesting it. She wasn't sure if she felt right about watching it without her sister, it was one of their many _things_.

By the time she had come to this conclusion, she realised she was little too late as he appeared holding the tickets and she silently vowed to make it up to her sister. He retook her hand and they found seats at the back of the theatre. As the lights dimmed, she instantly regretted coming here. The familiar electricity crackled beneath her skin and she struggled to control her feelings.

As the credits rolled nearly two hours later, she realised that she hadn't taken in a moment of the movie. How could she? When she had spent the entire time sat just a little too straight in her seat and staring blankly ahead desperate not to make contact with him in any way for fear of forcing him into a toilet cubicle and having her way with him.

The fresh air hit her face as she stepped out onto the street and she breathed easy for the first time in hours. Her whole body felt singed from being so close to him and yet so distanced. He didn't take her hand as they left the theatre almost like he could sense how she felt, maybe he had been truthful when he admitted to feeling similarly on the Port Angeles shoreline. They were careful to remain close but not touching as he heading them in the direction of a restaurant. Edward cursed rather tamely by her standards and she frowned.

"Whats wrong?" she asked.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, which definitely didn't help her steadily increasing hormones. She tried not to look at his face as he replied.

"It's nearly midnight," he pointed out, "they closed about ten minutes ago."

"Oh," Bella replied, still avoiding his gaze, "Well, there's got to be somewhere open."

XXX

If she could have chosen a place to eat dinner with Edward, even if he wouldn't be eating, McDonalds really wasn't her first choice. She couldn't help laughing at his expressions as she slid into a booth. His expression was distinctly unimpressed that this had been the only place within the area that was open and serving food.

"Just so you know," she told him quietly, pinching a fry from the packet and taking a bite, "When I said 'buy me dinner first', that didn't mean Mcdonalds. Big Mac's do not equate to sex."

She could see the embarrassment in his expression and felt a little twinge of guilt.

"Potentially blow jobs but definitely not sex," she joked trying to help him lighten his mood but doing the exact opposite. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. An expression of exasperation.

"I'm sorry," she muttered quietly, "I'll just shut up now."

She felt his eyes on her as she looked down at her food and started to pick at the junk food.

"Please don't," he requested.

She glanced up at him and felt a warmness spread through her at his expression.

"I very much enjoy listening to you talk," he explained, "Admittedly I prefer it when you talk of more intelligent topics but, just hearing your voice is enough."

She smiled widely, took a sip of her coke and asked, "So how are you finding Keats?"

The conversation flowed easily from there. She ate and they conversed about better topics. She was still arguing with him about his ridiculously imperfect analysis of Jane Eyre as they reached the car.

"You're wrong and you know it!" she pouted as he held open the car door.

"If I admit that I am wrong, can we talk about something else?" he requested, and shut the door gently at her nod. He had never meant to cause such a response from talking about literature but, then considering it was her passion, he should have known better. He slid into the driver's seat and turned to her.

"I am wrong," he began, "There is much more to Jane Eyre than my simple mind could comprehend."

She let out a breathy laugh, "Your mind is hardly simple."

"And yet," he replied, "even now, yours is my equal, if not my superior. You are wonderful, Bella. In every way."

She blushed deeply and didn't know how to reply as he started the engine. She was speechless for a while. It was during this silence that the familiar electrical sparks began to surface once again.

The sky outside was pitch black as he drove them both towards home, the spark of electricity that always existed between them flared to life. The darker the sky grew, the more intense it became. Without her full consent, her body was reacting to his closeness. She could feel the familiar dampness on her thighs, she instantly regretting not wearing panties but, it was a must with this dress!

A blush flared to life on her cheeks as she realised that he could _tell_ that she was getting just a little turned on. What gave it away was his knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel just that little bit tighter. He looked distinctly uncomfortable and she fought the urge to look down into his lap.

She lost.

One glance was enough to confirm her suspicion and make her situation even more uncomfortable. Looking for a distraction, she cranked up the radio and looked straight ahead out into the blackness of the winding road ahead. The song that blared from the speakers had a less than desired effect.

 _Scream!_ _  
_ _At the top of your lungs if your body's feeling right_ _  
_ _Scream!_ _  
_ _At the top of your lungs if your body's feeling right_ _  
_ _Scream!_ _  
_ _At the top of your lungs if your body's feeling right_

Bella's eyes widened and she blushed from her head to her toes. She quickly skipped that radio station, praying for something else. Anything else.

 _You spin my head right round, right round_ _  
_ _When you go down, when you go down down_ _  
_ _You spin my head right round, right round_ _  
_ _When you go down, when you go down down_

She cursed and quickly turned the radio off.

"Is every song pornographic?!" she exclaimed before she could think better of it.

She glanced at him then and realised that he was smirking and trying very hard not to laugh.

"You're not supposed to laugh," she chastised at his reaction.

"I'm sorry," he replied, "It's just funny that's all."

She stared at him for a few moments, "Funny how?"

"I thought I was the one who would get all flustered," he admitted quietly, "I'm actually a little relieved."

Her heart was pounding as she thought over his words. She wasn't entirely sure what brought about her request but, she was glad when he did as she requested.

"Pull over," she ordered.

He frowned deeply as he complied. When the car came to a stop on the side of the road, she made her decision. Despite knowing that her next move was not going to be big on dignity, she reached down to tug off her shoes, then pulled her dress down a bit more and angled her body to face him before inelegantly crossing over the gear stick that sat between them and moving to straddle him. His breath hitched and she knew that if his heart could beat it would have been erratic.

"Oh," she spoke softly to him. Their faces less than an inch apart. "Look who's flustered now?"

She regretted the lack of underwear even more now that she was sat astride his lap. From here, she could feel what she had seen in that one look earlier. Feeling it certainly didn't help to calm her or dissuade her from taking his innocence right here, right now. She couldn't do that to him though, he deserved so much better than that. Plus she had promised Leah and she would keep her promise. At least she hoped she would.

As his hands entwined in her hair at the nape of her neck, and their lips meet for the first time that night, she wasn't entirely sure that she would keep her promise. It had been a long time since she'd had sex and now she knew what he'd been holding back on before. She wanted it more than anything as he kissed her with a passion that she hadn't experienced before.

As their embrace grew more and more heated, one hand in her hair and the other at her waist, his lips kissing down her throat to her collar bone and down towards her chest. He glanced up at her for consent as he lingered near the top of her dress. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage in anticipation as his hand on her waist moved up to peal down the zipper of her dress. It fell away easily once undone and her breath hitched as he took in the sight of her. A shyness she hadn't felt in a long time crept over her and she fought with herself to not cover up.

"So beautiful," he whispered before kissing her fiercely, almost as if he knew she needed some form of reassurance. Her skin flushed as he moved to kiss her neck and collar bone once again, trailing kissing down to her breasts. Her eyes closed in anticipation of his touch on a place she craved it. When suddenly, he stopped. Her eyes opened slowly after a few seconds of nothing. She wondered for a moment if he had stopped because he had panicked. It was when she opened her eyes fully and saw the direction of his gaze that she understood immediately.

She sighed and covered up her bare breasts by moving to hold her dress to her chest. His expression was filling with guilt and although she understood his feelings, she really hadn't wanted their night to end on this. She tried to pull away from him but he held her firmly in place.

"Did I do that?" he asked finally, not waiting for a response as he moved a hand from her back to her thigh. The bruise was the perfect imprint of his hand and he confirmed his own suspicions as he laid his hand gently against her skin. He swallowed and she witnessed the guilt taking root and settling in for the long haul. She cursed and extracted herself from his hold, clumsily falling into the passenger seat.

"Why did you go out with me tonight?" he asked, "How could you go out with me knowing I had done _that_ to you?"

She rolled her eyes and spoke before thinking it through, "It's nothing really. I've had worse."

He didn't speak for a few minutes and when she looked up his expression was murderous. She knew exactly where her words had taken his thoughts.

"Bruises heal quickly, Edward," she said calmly, "Broken hearts don't."

His gaze softened.

"Please," she asked, "I am begging you, don't do this. Because if you ever leave me again, I don't know what I would do. I just got you back."

His eyes were filled with sadness and despite his obvious hesitation, he reached across the space between them and took her hand in his.

"I promise you, Bella Swan, I will never leave you again."

She wasn't aware of the tightness pressing on her chest until it lifted at his words. Internally, she cursed herself for being so vulnerable again.

"Let's get you home," he told her, smiling gently and keeping her hand in his as he took them back towards the boundary line.

When they reached it, he paused for a moment, before letting go of her hand, to help make her decent once again, and stepping out of the car. She walked slowly over to him and without waiting for a sign or any kind of permission, she hugged him. Wrapping her arms around him and holding him close to her, needing some form of comfort that only he could offer. His arms encircled her and he planted a delicate kiss on the top of her head. They stood there for an immeasurable amount of time until the wind picked up and ghosted over her bare skin. She shivered and he tensed.

"Sorry," she mumbled moving away from his chest, "I guess I still smell pretty good right?"

She looked up into his face and realised that she definitely hadn't guessed right.

"Edward, what's wrong?" she demanded, her words waking him from his frantic expression.

"In the car, Bella."

"Huh?"

"Please get in the car!" he ordered, a feeling of protectiveness clawing at his insides. He took her into his arms in a one fluid motion and she wasn't given time to protest as he deposited her back into the passenger seat, being very careful not to jostle her or cause her further harm. She was livid as at his actions and silently seethed as he turned the car around and headed back towards his house. Despite her anger, she couldn't shake off the worry that built up inside her. What on earth could have happened to make Edward react so? She honestly had no idea but, as they pulled up on the Cullen's driveway at a quarter to three in the morning, she knew she would know soon enough.


	22. Note - Please read

Hi everyone, Sorry this isn't a new chapter. I actually can't believe that its been a whole year since I updated this, I can only apologise profusely for that! I do have a rather good reason for not updating in so long which I hope you will understand. In February this year I found out I was pregnant, which I wouldn't have thought could affect my ability to write but it did, mainly because I spent 9 months being sick multiply times a day. Anyway, my son, Henry, was born on Halloween this year and I hope you can understand that I need to dedicate most of time to him now. I am hoping that I can finish all the stories I have started, it might just take a while to do so.

Thank you all for your continued support, Abbie


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